Osama bin Laden, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a psychic, Miss Cleo, about the date of his death.

Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future Miss Cleo finds the answer. "You will die on an American holiday."

"Which one?" Osama bin Laden asks nervously.

"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever you die, it will be an American holiday."

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.

Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After five years they came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. It's cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American Dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of his dog.

Osama came up to Bush shaking his head in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing", said Bush. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."

Q: What do Kabul and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing,.... yet.

Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

Q: What is the Taliban's national bird?
A: Duck

Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: Why does the Afghanistan Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.

Q: What do Osama bin laden and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What's the difference between the Taliban and a bucket of sh*t?
A: The bucket

Q: How do you stop a Taliban tank ?
A: Shoot the guys pushing it.

I was talking with an Aussie friend about the bridge threats here in California. I mentioned it's supposed to happen at rush hour. His reply, "The terrorists probably can't even get there for all the media vans."

A platoon of crack Special Forces soldiers have taken the first steps of reprisal after the terrorist attacks on America. This heroic force, composed of ROTC graduates of the University of Alabama, have broken into the dog kennel at the Auburn University College of Veterinary Medicine and captured all the Afghans. They reported light casualties.

:)

No to be too picky, but it might have been nice to start this thread with one of your own jokes. But anyhow, here are a few from the late night comedians:

"There are now rumors that the Taliban has been poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. We'll taste your food, you check our mail." —Jay Leno

"I was reading more about Osama bin Laden today. Turns out he started in the mailroom." —David Letterman

"I went to see that movie 'From Hell,' or as Osama bin Laden calls it — 'Roots.'" —Jay Leno

"One of the Taliban spokesmen said they have thousands of men who look forward to death like Americans look forward to living, which is great because we can arrange that. We'll set them up with death, we'll continue living." —Jay Leno

"People are wondering what will happen to Afghanistan when we're finished fighting there. I'm sure there are plans to rebuild the country, and a lot of times with rebuilding comes a name change. These are some possible name changes the government has been mulling over: Halfghanistan, Pothole-istan, Jenniferanistan, Assbackwardstan, Bye-bye-Talibanstan, Ass-Kicked-istan." —Jay Leno

"We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves." —David Letterman

"It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard." —David Letterman

"Allied forces have hit all the Taliban military installations and bases. To give you an idea how successful these strikes have been: the Taliban has been telling young men that when they get to heaven, there may not be enough virgins to go around. They were promised 72. Now they are down to 45, but were told, 'Your virgins may vary." —Jay Leno

"Everybody is talking about finding bin Laden. How about finding Dick Cheney? Where did he go? What have we got caves over here now, too? Where did he go? I think his Secret Service code name is 'Waldo." —Jay Leno

"Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed." —Jay Leno

"There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy's head who wears Bounty on his head." —Jay Leno

Didja hear about the Newfie bioterrorist?

He tried to fax a letter with anthrax spores.

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan and Iraq, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan and Iraq.

Bush(a former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out---virtually impenetrable."

Bush says, "Fill it to the top with equal amounts of pig fat and concrete."

BIN LADEN LIQUORS

Here is one my favorites. Have fun.

Click here and take a shot or ten!

War Eagle

LOL!

bump

I heard that they captured Bin Lauden. They sprayed Viagra over Afganistan and the little Pr--K stood up and they nailed him.

Song Parody: "Hello Mullah, Hello Fatah (Camp Osama)"

Speaking of faxes:

b