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Posted on 11/20/2001 5:55:54 AM PST by Slyfox

I admit it: I'm an angry conservative pundit. I'm always looking for a rumble with liberals. But now, I can't find them anywhere. They've all just disappeared! I've looked high and low, up and down, behind corners, under the furniture ... no liberals! Two weeks ago, they just vanished.

And I can't blame them. In less than a few hours, all their hopes, dreams and everything they stood for was buried in a heap of New York City rubble.

Just take a look. Racial profiling? Back in vogue. Who would question a pilot if he booted five nervous Arabs off his plane and sent them to interrogation? In fact, that exact scenario happened last week. Yet the Rev. Jesse Jackson didn't threaten a boycott. Al Sharpen didn't rant and rave or stop eating lunch. No liberals uttered even a peep.

Congressional Democrats have even started demanding very conservative immigration policies now that we have discovered most of the terrorists were here illegally. And good luck finding liberals willing to defend affirmative action for airport security staff.

Gun control? Dead. Did you watch House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt's (D-Mo.) lonely, feeble dissent after airline pilots asked Congress for the right to carry handguns? Everyone knows if the pilots were packing heat the death toll might have been held to 19 - the number of hijackers. It won't be long until John Q. Public realizes a Colt .45 works quite well against a crack head with box cutters coming through his door, too.

Political cynicism? Gone. Overnight, 40 years of manufactured national guilt was wiped away. Patriotism is cool again. Now, anyone who sheds tears while singing "The Star Spangled Banner" winds up on a CNN news bump. Barbara Streisand actually took anti-Bush blather off her Website.

Prayer is even cool. Even famously sniveling TV reporters have been challenged and are debating whether it's okay to wear an American flag on the air. Can you imagine this scenario during Vietnam?

After Operation Desert Storm, only staunch conservatives demanded a strong military. Everyone else tried to turn the armed forces into weepy-eyed, prancing puppy-dog petters. Today, every American wants an invulnerable, butt-kicking, John Wayne military machine.

And finally, we now understand the benefits of knocking off bad people in other countries by any means necessary. Suddenly, after decades of de-funding the armed forces, blinding our national-security intelligence, castrating covert ops and almost eliminating our spy network, liberals are demanding billions in military, CIA and national-security funding.

Who woulda thunk it? Liberals once had great visions and grand ideas. They spent decades coaxing Americans into naive vulnerability based exclusively upon their philosophy. That's why liberals are hiding. Because this time, liberals were very, very wrong on some very, very important issues. Not about saving militant gay whales from discrimination or other such drivel. No, a bunch of tent-dwelling, box-cutter-wielding wackos managed to nail the Pentagon and destroy two of the tallest buildings in the United States, murdering more than 6,000.

Now, every failure leading up to this awful debacle can be directly traced to foolish liberal policies. And liberals know it. I suppose that's why Bill Clinton is nervously running around babbling in a pre-emptive C.Y.A. campaign. Even Gerald Posner, the self-admitted liberal flack, publicly admitted this crisis proves President George W. Bush was a better choice than Al Gore or Clinton.

Geez! What's an angry conservative to do? I can't find liberals on talk shows. I can't find liberals on network news. I can't even find liberals in Congress. They either got conservative religion or crawled back under a rock. Nobody is willing to defend the stupendous strategies that gave terrorists a free shot at our skyscrapers.

And whose great ideas were these? Not those of Newt Gingrich or House Majority Whip Tom DeLay (R-Texas). And not Senators Phil Gramm (R-Texas) or Strom Thurmond (R-S.C.) or Rep. Bob Barr (R-Ga.). Those guys now are wise sages, having been tragically vindicated.

This one, massive event provided irrefutable and unambiguous proof in the battle of modern American politics: Conservatives were right; liberals were wrong. And thousands of innocent people have paid the price. <p. It may seem like I chose an inopportune time to pick on liberals and their chosen Democrat party. Okay, I'm a fair guy. I've got a heart. I don't want to kick someone when they are down. I'd like to extend a hand to those who have just witnessed everything they stand for tumble to the ground. But I can't find them anywhere. As of late October, there are no liberals in America. Only conservatives and fools, and the fools are hiding.

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