Posted on 11/26/2001 4:31:59 AM PST by Voronin
SPACE TOURIST Dennis Tito not only got the thrill of a lifetime on board the International Space Station. He also came back with some great stories to tell.
NASA battled to keep Tito off the space station, complaining that he had not been trained sufficiently to prevent him from breaking something critical. In the end, NASA relented--but not before it had thoroughly annoyed the Russian commander of the space station. Matters came to a head when the space shuttle Endeavour visited before Tito arrived.
It seems the shuttle's toilet went on the blink, and the departing Americans needed to use the toilet on the Russian part of the space station. Space toilets are high technology, so the Russian commander said no--the Americans had not been trained how to use the Russian toilet. He finally relented, but only after the Americans went through a proper training session.
Tito recounted this story at a Los Angeles meeting of the Space Frontier Foundation, drawing, according to SpaceRef.com, "riotous laughter from the audience".
VRN
Sounds like a typical Al Bundy.
Space toilets are high technology, so the Russian commander said no--the Americans had not been trained how to use the Russian toilet. He finally relented, but only after the Americans went through a proper training session.
Toilet training from the Russians. Yeah right. As if those russkies could teach us anything.
IncPen in space? Hmmm...
"KNOCK KNOCK"
Russkie Astronaut: Oh damn, it figures, just when Gilligan was about to come on. Who the hell could that be way out here in the middle of the universe? Probably another travelling salesman, or worse, a Jehovah's Witness wanting to give me endless hours of lecture about their faith....I'll get my shotgun.
(pulls open the door)
American Astronaut: Hello, are you Dimitri from Moscow?
Russkie Astronaut: Yes, I am. Hold the applause. Who the hell are you?
American Astronaut: I'm your neighbor two planets down.
Russkie Astronaut: Oh yes, the Americans. What can I do for you?
American Astronaut: Well it seems that our 1.5 gallon toilet went on the blink, and we need to go real bad. Could we use yours?
Russkie Astronaut: Why not use the Exxon Space Station only three moons from here? Why come to me?
American Astronaut: We tried that place, but it seems that they too have one of those 1.5 gallon toilets and when we tried it, it wouldn't work.
Russkie Astronaut: Say, what is it these 1.5 gallon toilets?
American Astronaut: Well sir, it was mandated onto us by our Congress.
Russkie Astronaut: Your Congress forces you to use completely unworkable 1.5 gallon toilets?
American Astronaut: Yes, according to the vast number of left wing ecological nuts in our country it seems that the old 3 gallon toilets posed an enviromental problem. It was causing world wide drought and famine. But the new 1.5 gallon cans rarely work, and when they do, it takes 4 or 5 flushes to completely evacuate them.
Russkie Astronaut: Well now I know where all the Communists disappeared to when the Berlin Wall fell. Ok, buster, you can use ours untill you get the plumber to fix yours, but I'll have to show you how to use it.
American Astronaut: You're going to give us toilet training? But we had that when we were little kids.
Russkie Astronaut: I don't care, we don't want anyone messing up our nice clean shiny bathroom.
American Astronaut: Well, okay....
Russkie Astronaut: You Americans! We have a 20 gallon monster of a toilet. Yessir, it'll flush just about anything...space hammers, space helmets, human killing Aliens...
American Astronaut: A 20 gallon flusher? Wow! I gotta see that!
Russkie Astronaut: Oh, you do, do you? I knew it...you're CIA aren't you? Trying to steal our toilet technology!
American Astronaut: No, I'm not, really!
Russkie Astronaut: Yeah, right...listen, if you really need to go, then do it behind some moon rock, our toilet is off limits to the prying eyes of you and your pals in the CIA.
(slams the door shut)
American Astronaut: Damn Russkie. Probably uses sandpaper instead of Charmin anyways. Just wait untill next Christmas. No fruit cake for him. That'll show him. I wonder who else in the universe will allow me to use their toilet? The Chinese? Nah, they'll demand some top NASA secrets in return. The British? (checks watch) Can't bother them now, it's tea time...looks like behind a moon rock for me....wait a sec...maybe if I went in the Russkies backyard. It's closer than the moon rock and I'll get my revenge on them at the same time! That'll show him! Heh heh.
************************************
And so began forty years history of the cold war....this is lowbridge, your FreeRepublic History Host, signing out and saying goodnight to everyone, Mr and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea.
Good night.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.