Posted on 11/26/2001 7:31:04 AM PST by RippleFire
The Things the Movies Teach Us...
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.
14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
20. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
For example, Brad Pitt's death scene would eat up at least 20 minutes of air time.....on the other hand, we're talking milliseconds for a Sondra Locke death scene, if indeed it survived the cutting room floor.
Hey why pick on poor old Sondra. Except for bit parts in two movies in 1999, she hasn't had an acting gig in 15 years, since Ratboy.
And I don't think it was that he was redeemed by saving his son. He saw what the Emperor was, what he had become and in that moment decided to end the Emperor's tyranny.
If you discover a murder victim and the ostensible murder weapon is in sight, by all means pick it up or otherwise handle it extensively.
Whenever people are dying in large numbers, there is always one person who has been saving up his whole life to go to Rome or Paris, and has now died just twenty bucks shy of his goal.
People never lock their doors. Neighbors can come and go as they wish.
Employers never mind if their one special employee takes off to go hash things out with his girlfriend or spouse.
In a series with a school setting, the kids stay in the same classroom, with the same teacher, with the same set of students, year after year after year, for seven years.
All rapists can talk their victims out of shooting them just by talking smoothly and saying "you can't shoot me". Talk about sending a negative message to women!
Additionally, all computers are Macs.
No one ever uses a mouse.
No matter what application is being used, it will be accompanied by really cool processor-intensive graphics.
Computer operating systems can determine what a user wants from any randomly-typed inquiry.
Every beautiful woman gets her beautiful guy, and vice versa, and live forever in perfect fulfillment and harmony;
The true secret to eternal bliss is beauty and a perfect body;
God is the source of all problems; humans the solution;
Animals have human attributes;
Life is a mess here on earth, alien conquest is the solution.
Now wait just a minute! Is this post saying that women in a haunted house shouldn't investigate strange noises in their most revealing underwear?
Mark W.
1.My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2.My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3.My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4.Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5.The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
A couple hundred more are at Evil Overlord.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.