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Posted on 11/28/2001 5:28:43 AM PST by davidosborne

Off to the Punitentiary for you!

> 1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. > The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one > carrion allowed per passenger." >

> 2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and > became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and > never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the > lesser of two weevils. >

> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in > the craft, it sank, > proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. >

> 4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. > He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot > my paw." >

> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root > canal? > He wanted to transcend dental medication. >

> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in > the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an > hour,the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But > why?" they asked, as they moved off. > "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." >

> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a > family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; > they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his > birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she > wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. > Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen > Ahmal." >

> 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a > small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers > from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition > was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. > He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the > rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in > town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed > their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. > Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can > prevent florist friars. >

> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which > produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very > little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered > from bad breath. > This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super > calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. >

> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to > friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them > laugh. > Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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