I got a big laugh out of that Disreali retort. This quote comes from a book I recently picked up at the flea market called "The Intimate Sex Lives Of Famous People" (written before Clinton's presidency). BTW, Gladstone himself had an rather bizarre sex life.

Disraeli was funny. One time he was asked what was the differance between a calamity and a disaster. He answered, "If Mr. Gladstone fell into the Thames river, there would be a calamity. If somebody pulled him out, however, that would be a disaster".

From what I've read about Gladstone, he was sort of like the Margaret Dumont of 19th Century British politics.

Quote is much older than that. I have heard it attributed to an exchange involving John Wilkes, a famous english radical of the late 1700s. Also, since Gladstone and Disraeli were both Prime Ministers of England, neither was in much danger of being hanged.

"Sir, that depends upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."

Oh, that is very, VERY good!

I wish I could come up with such good retorts, but like George Costanza, they only come to be days/weeks/months after the affront.

Winston Churchill was also master of the funny retort. Calvin Coolidge also had some funny one-liners as well. In this same book there is the following quote:

One day the President and Mrs. Coolidge were visiting a government farm. Soon after their arrival they were taken off on separate tours. When Mrs. Coolidge passed the chicken pens she paused to ask the man in charge if the rooster copulates more than once each day. "Dozens of times," was the reply. "Please tell that to the President," Mrs. Coolidge requested. When the President passed the pens and was told about the rooster, he asked "Same hen every time?" "Oh no, Mr. President, a different one each time." The President nodded slowly, then said, "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."

Poor old Margaret Dumont. I've read that she never caught on to the Marx brothers jokes. And yes, Gladstone was a singularly unhumorous person and the very witty Disraeli had a field day with him. Queen Victoria disliked Gladstone but she really admired Disraeli.

Calvin Coolidge was funny too. He was known for his brevity of speech. One lady is said to have come up to him and said that she had bet $100 that she could get him to say three words. He said, "You lose." That's probably made up but it became part of his legend.

This was supposedly spotted on a London bathroom wall in the '40's
"Neville Chamberlain should be bloody well hung!"
somebody else wrote underneath it
"He is...Signed:Mrs.Chamberlain

How much will it get on ebay? Hhahah

Bump
For
Disraeli

How much will it get on ebay? Hhahah

I was going to sell it but this book is so funny I think I will keep it. I also had a good laugh reading about William Gladstone's strange sex life.

Coolidge was actually known as an extremely withdrawn and solemn man. When Dorothy Parker was told Coolidge had died, she asked: "How can they tell?"

Coolidge was actually known as an extremely withdrawn and solemn man. When Dorothy Parker was told Coolidge had died, she asked: "How can they tell?"

One of the most sardonic of wits, Dorothy Parker, one of my favorites. Many of her well known quotes have a kind of ironic truth, like, "no good deed shall go unpunished."

Hank

When Dorothy Parker was told Coolidge had died, she asked: "How can they tell?"

Off subject, but you have to admire Dorothy Parker. She did a book review once that started with the comment, "This is not a book to be taken lightly, it should be thrown with great force".

And lest we forget her immortal (if deliberately silly): "Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses."

How much will it get on ebay? Hhahah

Speaking of eBay, I picked up something INCREDIBLE today after you posted this. I went to an estate sale and picked up a few hundred books. One of the books was first edition printed in 1919. It is "Mein Kriegserinnerungen" ("My War Memoirs") by Erich Ludendorff, the WWI general and it is about his WWI battles. The book is in fairly good shape but what was really ASTOUNDING was what I found in a packet in the rear of the book. Inside were 10 MINT MINT condition maps of WWI battles measure 18" X 20" each. And when I say MINT MINT, I mean the maps look like they were printed YESTERDAY, not 82 years ago. They haven't the slightest bit of yellowing or wear on them. Even the paper they were printed on felt fresh. Usually stuff this old have an "old" look to them. Not these 82 year old maps. They look and feel BRAND NEW!!!

And yeah, I'll probably sell the book and maps on eBay. I sure hope the buyer places these maps behind an airtight glass seal since such great quality maps from that era are exceedingly rare.

"but like George Costanza..."

Like the famous "the Jerk Store called..." retort?

I was always under the impression Gladstone was sorta-kinda an upright type.

I was always under the impression Gladstone was sorta-kinda an upright type.

He was and yet....he wasn't. Gladstone was a very bizarre man. He used to walk the streets of London and pick up prostitutes....in order to reform them. And yet, he was also attracted by them. Since Gladstone had the Bill Clinton definition of sex he sometimes had them perform certain acts on him which he (and Billy) don't consider sex. However, unlike Billy Boy, Gladstone felt an incredible guilt about this even though technically he didn't consider it to be sex.