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Posted on 01/01/2002 7:23:34 AM PST by EggsAckley

"Eva, can I stack Rod's sad-ass, dork cats in a cave?"
"Go Hang a Salami, I'm a Lasagna Hog!"
"Too Hot to Hoot"
"2002"

What do these statements have in common? Well, all of them, including the year 2002 are PALINDROMES! 2002 is the only palindromic year (or calendrome) of this century. That is, 2002 reads the same backwards and forwards, just as do the above statements. It seems to me that "calendromic" years are as scarce as hen's teeth. I mean, 2002 can only happen once, then there was 1001, and in the future, 3003.

Does it "mean" something? Hell, I don't know. It's just some of that damned useless trivia I am cursed with remembering.

But while thinking about Palindromes, I found myself pondering what a newspaper would look like with Palindromic headlines.

*********************

First would come the "breaking news:"

Murder for a jar of red rum. (fatal stabbing outside bar)

Dumb mobs bomb mud. (Middle eastern rioters go wild)

Gateman sees name, garageman sees name tag. (Security beefed up)

Mad dastard, a sad rat - Saddam. (No easy solution in Iraq)

To Idi Amin: I'm a idiot. (Envoy regrets treaty)

Wonder if Sununu's fired now? (Congressman's job in jeopardy.)

I madam, I made radio! So I dared. Am I mad? Am I? (Al Gore speaks to women's group on his contributions to the world.)

*****************

Then there would be the "entertainment news:"

Plan no damn Madonna LP. (Label nixes Madonna's next recording.)

Yawn. Madonna fan? No damn way. (critic pans concert.)

Poor Dan is in a droop. (Rather's reporting leaves much to be desired.)

Tarzan raised Desi Arnaz' rat. (Ely/Arnaz relationship revealed.)

Is Don Adams mad? (A nod.) Si. (Mexican fans rave about "Get Smart" re-runs.)

Man, Oprah's sharp on A.M (Winfrey wins top ratings again.)

Ed: I saw Harpo Marx ram Oprah W. aside. (McMahon recalls Hollywood free-for-all.)

No, Mel Gibson is a casino's big lemon. (Gibson's Vegas act bombs.)

Oh, no! Don Ho. (Hawaiian singer attempts comeback.)

Vanna, wanna V? (White plays Wheel of Fortune.)

************************

Perhaps then the "science news:"

Emil peed deep lime. (German beer changes urine color.)

If I had a hi-fi. (Stereo brands compared.)

Tons o' snot. (This year's cold is a bad one.)

Straw? No, too stupid a fad, I put soot on warts. (New treatments for warts.)

Lepers repel. (Old disease still feared.)

"Naomi, sex at noon taxes," I moan. (Commander in Chief complains of over-work.)

Niagara, O roar again. (Drought predicted to end.)

Senile felines. (How to live with an elderly cat.)

Dog, as a devil deified, lived as a god. (The love of dogs in ancient times.)

***********************

Finally, there would be the Miscellenea news:

Drab as a fool, aloof as a bard. (Interview with Stephen King.)

Splat, I hit Alps. (Hang-gliding accident in Austria.)

Sir, I soon saw Bob was no Osiris. ("Why I didn't vote for Dole")

Reviled did I live, said I, as evil I did deliver. (Biography of Osama bin Laden.)

Ma is a nun, as I am. (New life-styles in the Monastery.)

Live not on evil. (Dr. Laura's New Year's advice.)

Egad, no bondage. (What Women Really Want.)

Yreka Bakery. (Northern California bakery has new motto: Sniff'um muffins.

Tulsa night life: filth, gin, a slut. (Travel: Oklahoma highlights.)

Warsaw was raw. (Travel: tour of Poland.)

Wontons? Not now. (Americans losing taste for Asian food.)

Pa's a sap. (Dear Abby: How to get along with your father.)

Cain: A maniac. (Religion: New light on Abel's brother.)

Damn. I, Agassi, miss again. Mad. (Sports: Andrea loses again.)

Campus motto: Bottoms up, Mac. (Education: Why Johnny Can't Read.)

**************************

Had enough? Me too! But there is JUST ONE MORE:

Dennis, Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen sinned. (Hollywood stars are Born Again!)

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