Okay, not exactly in Tennessee anymore.....

I Am—Victor Buono

March 3rd

As of now, I am.
I’m not very much, but even the smallest crumb of bread is still bread...whatever bread is.
Well, I may not be as big as a crumb, but I’m just as good as a crumb, and I’m as much me as a crumb is a crumb, so there!
I am!!
Now—what am I?
I’m.....sleepy.

March 10th
I’m a boy!! I mean, I’m gonna be. It’s all settled in advance because I’ve got 22 pair of ordinary chromosomes plus 1 “x” and a “y” chromosome and I like bugs...whatever bugs are. A lot of other things have already been decided in advance too. I’ll have myopic light blue eyes like my mother and I’ll be left- handed like my father and 6 feet 4 inches tall with big bones and big feet like my mother’s father and I’ll like music like my Uncle Jeff and I’ll be able to play the piano as well as anyone who’s 6-4, big footed, left-handed and myopic...and I’m going back to sleep.....

March 17th
You know, it’s funny....I know so much about me already and I don’t even know what my mother looks like. And she doesn’t even know I’m living here, under her heart...but she’s warm, I know...and soft...and kind to give cradle to an imperfect stranger and share with him her blood.

March 24th
My heart started beating all by itself and it scared the heck out of me! Gotta get used to it...it’s gonna go on for a long time.

April 14th
Bulletin!!! Oh, is that rabbit sick! Whatever a rabbit is....whatever sick is....but now my mother and father know! They’re probably working on names....”David”.....”David”.

May 5th
It’s very nice here. Warm always, and safe. On the other hand—I’ve got another hand now, too-—there’s nothing really to DO. When I was little, it was enough just to be....just to be. All I had was awareness—which is great!—but a foot’s fun too! What’s the good of having a perfectly good mouth without a puppy’s ear to put in it, or 10 whole fingers without an uncle’s eye to stick ‘em in? With all due respect Mom—I want out!! Or is it in? We can’t go on like this forever—I’m gonna be 6-4, remember? With light blue eyes....whatever blue is...whatever light is....I’m healthy and willing and ready to stand on my rights and if that’s not good enough, I’m able to kick!

May 19th
Today my mother killed me.