Since Nov 18, 2004
Be a hero - save a whale. Save a baby - go to jail
1: I don't mind going to work but this eight hour wait to go home is just bullshit!
2. I think part of a best friends job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize.... you're wrong.
4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
5. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on No. 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't the least bit tired.
9. Bad decisions make great stories.
10. You never know when it will strike but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11.It's not whether you win or lose but how you place the blame.
12. I'm always terrified when I exit Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page technical report that I swear I didn't make any changes to.
13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
14. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night that more kisses begin with Bud Lite than Kay.
16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
17. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent some jerk from cutting in. Stay strong brothers and sisters.
18. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
19. Abolish abortion clinics, they're too dangerous. Only half the people who go in, come out alive.
20. I think politicians should wear uniforms, you know, like Nascar drivers - so we can identify their corporate sponsers.
21. The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
22. Honk if you love Jesus....want to meet him in person? Text while driving.
23. When seconds count, police are just minutes away.
24. I carry a gun because police are too heavy.
25. The first testicular guard, the "cup" was used in ice hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it took only 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
26. If you voted for Obama the first time to prove you were not racist, vote against him this time to prove you are not an idiot