Posted on 12/13/2004 5:39:51 AM PST by Le Bouledogue Britannique
If I may respond, I know Britain VERY well, having spent an awful lot of time in your country. Please allow me to refute some of your talking points.
1. As for Michael Moore, if I'm right he's probably of scoth-irish descent. Therefore, his ancestors lived on your dank moors, with the characteristic severe lack of dental hygiene.
2. Custard was invented in Italy.
3. As for McDonald's, I don't seem to recall any ENGLISH restaurants anywhere in the world. I find it hilarious that people who will eat Marmite will turn their noses up at a Big Mac.
4. My country hasn't been invaded by Italy, France (twice), Norway or Ireland, and come out on the short end.
5. If you knew as much about the US as I knew about the UK, then perhaps you'd move here and lose that silly accent.
6. Granted, I will give you Eddie Izzard, Monty Python, and Dudley Moore, but I find it funnier that you spell humor in the French manner.
7. You only understand irony because you can decry American "imperialism" while forgetting the British Empire.Excuse me, Commonwealth (snicker, snicker).
8. We don't have to have a license for a television.
9. You are six times less likely to be murdered in the UK because most British men couldn't summon up enough passion to pull a greasy string from a prostitute's backside.
10. You are sixty times more likely to be shot in America because the people have the right to arm themselves, unlike your country, where you have to take a number and wait for the local constable to be finished with sensitivity training before he comes 'round and deigns it necessary to save your life.
11. Never mind protecting yourself from your own government. How about protecting yourself from the criminals that have carte blanche to invade your home, courtesy of the same government.
12. Xenophobia? I guess all those Pakistani ghettos are a sign of enlightenment. Same could be said about the abolition of the Welsh language and all the West Indians in the East End ghettos.
13. Considering that the United States has done more for every country on the planet than Britain ever did, a little respect is well-earned, and by God, if you don't give it voluntarily, we'll bomb ya for it!
14. Granted, British beer is better, but our bars stay open until 4 a.m.
15. You do have rednecks. They're known as "Cornish" and "Cockneys".
16. Well, if my car was 3 feet wide by 4 feet long, and weighed less than the typical English grandmother, I'd be able to corner well, too.
17. We use manual gearboxes, but automatic transmission is an affordable luxury.
18. You are either obese or appearing to suffer from some wasting disease. Must be all that pre-packaged Sainbury's food and curry.
19. Yorkshire pudding is nice. Biscuits and gravy kicks ass.
20. Of course you are a net exporter of oil; It's too expensive for an Englishman to afford. Is gasoline up to $11 a liter yet?
21. You can see the other guy's point of view provided you aren't discussing football. Then you riot.
22. Vulgarity is in the ear of the beholder. If I recall, the English have the crudest sense of humor on the planet.
23. The Greeks invented modern democracy, we improved it by incorporating the concept of republic with democratically-elected leaders. By the way, how's that Queen?
24. if you have more attractive women, then how do you explain the Spice Girls and Fergie?
25. You have a left-wing stickhole that is No. 10 Downing Street. Our stinkhole merely influences culture, yours is the elected government.
26. Hmmm...Trying to remember the last English film in which Hugh Grant wasn't playing a sappy klutz.
27. Raw corn is good for ya.
28. New York City tap water is bottled by the gallon and sold all across Europe as designer water at high prices. In fact, Dasani water IS New York City tap water. Amazing what you can do with water when you don't have to depend on a Roman Aqueduct to get it to you.
29. True, most of your population IS aware of other countries. They just still lament that they were once British.
30. I'm glad you like your home. I like mine. Argument ends there.
31. British armed forces couldn't even muster enough force to kick half a dozen Argentines off some godforsaken rocks full of sheep. Even though those sheep were subjects.
32. If you insist on eating an animal organ that filters urine, be my guest.
33. Your students study geography in the same way Frenchmen study the fine art of bathing.
34. If I recall, your schools are ALREADY your armed forces. Or do Sandhurst and Eton no longer warrant the name?
35. Can't argue the homos in school point. You just wait until they show up on the football pitch.
36. Considering you don't have anything capable of filling a pencil with lead, this comes as no surprise.
37. if the National Health Band-aids and Eyedrops Campaign passes for health care, I'm glad I live here.
38. Considering you can never find a policeman in Britain when you need one, I'm not surprised your teachers have no need to call them. Perhaps if your teachers were armed?
39. There were no British achievments in the Second World War except getting kicked off the continent, being nearly bombed and starved into submission and finally, losing India. Oh, and I forgot, the Japanese really enjoyed Singapore.
40. We may have elected Bill Clinton twice, but you elected Blair three times.
41. The Concorde: did you know that when the Air France version crashed, that was the most Germans killed by the French since Verdun?
42. Yes, you built the British Empire and then were unable to hold it. Hypocrisy and military weakness lost it for you. We, on the other hand, dominate the world with the Yankee Dollar. So, who was smarter?
43. Over 50% of the English language has it's roots in French, German, Greek and Latin. So, what the heck did you invent?
While I admit to having great admiration for the British people, I also reserve a hearty belly-laugh for those of you who believe that Britain is the guardian of all things civilized, especially when your own history is one of violence, bloodshed and often stupidity. If it wasn't for the accent, you'd merely be Canadian.
That's because when asked the question "ballots or bullets?" you respond all-too-politely with, "Neither please - I mean, if that won't offend anyone. Now let's see what's on BBC2."
36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie. You are too pernickety to even try it and therefore don't know what you're missing.
A Brit lady once asked me if I knew how to fix kidney. After a negative answer, she said:
"You just throw it in the pot and boil the pi$$ out of it!"
We own it don't you know....
Estonia has to have the world's highest per capita of beauties ...
My mother visited England right after the war, and loves to tell how her hosts proudly served them cold canned creamed corn with whipped cream for desert. Evidently the U.S. sent a lot of American food over there that the Brits had now idea about.
The militia was to protect us from your government.
31. We don't eat raw corn.
?
Our beer is served cold. End of discussion.
But, was it raw? That would be the most heinious, disgusting thing I've ever heard us nasty Yanks do!
We can also protect ourselves from predators when they break into our homes. You have to rely on rape gates and the hope that the criminal won't decide to kill you or your loved ones while he's robbing you blind. And if you do decide to take action to defend yourself, your government will prosecute you.
"It has been noted that there has been a grievous and unprovoked attack on Great Britain"
You incorrectly, I believe, imply that that actions of a few reflect the sentiments of the whole.
With only a common language being the greatest divide between the two countries (smile), there is no doubt that the US and Brits have led most of the "positive" advances of the world and the greatest regard for the human rights of man.
Language?
Anglos/Saxons from Germanic regions
Normans from France
Romans from........ah, Roman Empire, read Latin
Norsemen
Scots
Irish/Celts/Druid dudes
Old English-Middle English from the above
etc.
Where did you say the language originated?
Thank you for a great laugh this morning.
Your post reminded me of one reason I am a a confirmed Anglophile. The British people are wonderful -- wonderfully witty, and wonderfully able to respond to criticism with humor (note -- proper spelling) and grace.
Thank you for giving the world Shakespeare, the English language (include the language of the King James Bible), and Margaret Thatcher. I could go one, but we Americans are never given to excess.
Bush held up, then ate, some raw corn during a campaign photo-op in Iowa. The limey's were aghast!
I meant is the Union Jack on the Moon.
Good counter. I'll even grant you a few with no contest. Numbers 1,2,3 and 20, for example.
But...... "24. Our accents don't sound vulgar."
Just the other day (on "the telly") I heard this coming out of a Brit with a strong Cockney accent: "Pi$$ off, you bloody bast--d!" Sounded like he was barfing it out. Strike #24.
BTW, most of what you call "rednecks" are of Brit stock. Lack of oral hygiene was one of the "Old Country" traditions they clung to.
:)
"You incorrectly, I believe, imply that that actions of a few reflect the sentiments of the whole. "
Nahhhh. I'm just pulling your legs.
And it's nice to see that some of you do have sense of humo(u)r after all.
;o)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.