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Humor (General/Chat)

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  • Does not compute: Japan cyber security minister admits shunning PCs

    11/16/2018 10:59:55 AM PST · by dennisw · 26 replies
    thepeninsulaqatar.com ^ | 16 Nov 2018 - 19:17
    Tokyo: A Japanese minister in charge of cyber security has provoked astonishment by admitting he has never used a computer in his professional life, and appearing confused by the concept of a USB drive. Yoshitaka Sakurada, 68, is the deputy chief of the government's cyber security strategy office and also the minister in charge of the Olympic and Paralympic Games that Tokyo will host in 2020. In parliament on Wednesday however, he admitted he doesn't use computers. "Since the age of 25, I have instructed my employees and secretaries, so I don't use computers myself," he said in a response...
  • Today's Toons 11/16/18

    11/16/2018 3:47:29 AM PST · by pookie18 · 15 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 11/16/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • NFL LIVE THREAD: Week 11

    11/15/2018 4:33:00 PM PST · by Impy · 44 replies
    11-15-2018
    NFL LIVE THREAD Week 11 THURSDAY, NOV 15, 2018 (All Times Eastern) Green Bay at Seattle 8:20 pm NFLN/Fox CenturyLink Field SUNDAY, NOV 18, 2018 Houston at Washington 1:00 pm CBS FedEx Field Pittsburgh at Jacksonville 1:00 pm CBS EverBank Field Tennessee at Indianapolis 1:00 pm CBS Lucas Oil Stadium Dallas at Atlanta 1:00 pm FOX Mercedes-Benz Stadium Tampa Bay at N.Y. Giants 1:00 pm FOX MetLife Stadium Cincinnati at Baltimore 1:00 pm CBS M&T Bank Stadium Carolina at Detroit 1:00 pm FOX Ford Field Denver at L.A. Chargers 4:05 pm CBS StubHub Center Oakland at Arizona 4:05 pm CBS...
  • satire Pelosi: 'If I Am Not Elected Speaker, Millions Will Die'

    11/15/2018 1:34:21 PM PST · by Sub-Driver · 40 replies
    Pelosi: 'If I Am Not Elected Speaker, Millions Will Die' November 15th, 2018 WASHINGTON, D.C.—As rumors swirled that top Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi may not retain her leadership of House Democrats, the congressional leader offered a dire warning to her fellow Democratic congresspeople and the nation at large: "if I am not elected Speaker of the House, millions will die." She said the death toll from her being ousted as the Dems' top congressperson would be "ten times larger" than the deaths that resulted from Trump's election, the Republican tax cuts, and Kavanaugh's confirmation to the Supreme Court. "This will...
  • 'Rabid' Racoons Turn out to be Drunk on Fermented Crabapples

    11/15/2018 9:44:10 AM PST · by Jaded · 24 replies
    GMA/ABC News ^ | 11/15/18 | Bopha Phorn
    Police in West Virginia have apprehended masked bandits who were drunkenly acting up in town -- but they weren't humans. Neighbors had reported two raccoons that they thought were rabid to police, but it turned out they were just drunk on fermented crabapples, the Milton Police Department wrote on its Facebook page.
  • Today's Toons 11/15/18

    11/15/2018 3:29:02 AM PST · by pookie18 · 15 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 11/15/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Today's Toons 11/14/18

    11/14/2018 3:21:12 AM PST · by pookie18 · 11 replies
    The Politics Forums ^ | 11/14/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Broward County Brings In Expert Consultant To Speed Up Ballot Count

    11/13/2018 6:53:29 PM PST · by Ciaphas Cain · 12 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | November 13, 2018
    FLORIDA—Broward County, which has had trouble meeting its legal deadlines in the counting of ballots, has now brought in a consultant to speed up the recount: counting expert Count von Count. The Count wasted no time and immediately began counting as soon as he saw the ballots. He picked up one and said, “One vote for governor, eh eh eh.” After that, he picked up a second ballot and said, “Two votes for governor, eh eh eh.” Next, he picked up a third ballot and said, “Three votes for governor, eh eh eh.” “Wow!” exclaimed Broward County official Stanley...
  • A Few Funnies

    11/13/2018 12:48:53 PM PST · by sodpoodle · 56 replies
    laugh factory ^ | 11/13/2018 | multiple
    A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and...
  • Political Devil's Dictionary (vanity)

    11/13/2018 4:41:59 AM PST · by far sider · 1 replies
    farsider
    Forest fire, n. (In California) Mother Nature’s way of rewarding tree worshipers for their devotion. National Public Radio, n. Deep-state-run media. Recount, v. An attempt by the Florida Democrat Party to steal a federal election. Republican’t, n. GOP establishment. Additions welcome.
  • Today's Toons 11/13/18

    11/13/2018 3:24:45 AM PST · by pookie18 · 15 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 11/13/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • satire:Hillary Clinton: 'The Only Crime I Ever Committed Was Stealing The Hearts Of The American Peo

    11/12/2018 2:05:14 PM PST · by OddLane · 37 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 11/12/18 | Babylon Bee
    In an interview over the weekend, Hillary Clinton continued to deny any wrongdoing in the various controversies she was involved with during her time as Secretary of State and the 2016 Democratic candidate, claiming her only crime was "stealing the hearts of the American people." The interviewer asked Clinton if she was guilty of any of the myriad accusations against her when she admitted to being "100% guilty" of being America's sweetheart. "If being an extremely likable person beloved by every true American is a crime, then lock me up!" she said, laughing. "I'm guilty on all counts! Put me...
  • Today's Toons 11/12/18

    11/12/2018 3:26:50 AM PST · by pookie18 · 14 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 11/12/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Retarded Grandparents [FloriDUH elections explained

    11/10/2018 8:20:10 PM PST · by lightman · 24 replies
    Blogspot ^ | 2009 | Kate
    After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida .. "Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. "They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it...
  • If Confucius Lived Today - this is what he would say;)

    11/10/2018 5:36:14 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 20 replies
    email | 11/10/2018 | unknown
    Confucius Say. It's OK to let a fool kiss you, but don't let a kiss fool you. Confucius Say. A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise. Confucius Say. It is better to lose a lover than love a loser. Confucius Say. Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy Confucius Say. A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Confucius Say. Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest. Confucius Say. Viagra is like Disneyland ...a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride. Confucius Say. It...
  • Florida Recount Finally Wraps Up, Al Gore Declared President

    11/09/2018 4:47:03 PM PST · by plain talk · 13 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | Nov 9, 2008 | Babylon Bee
    As Florida finally wrapped up its contentious recount of the votes tallied in the recent midterm elections, a winner was finally declared: Al Gore is now the president of the United States. The recount process at long last found the "missing votes" that would have handed Gore the presidency back in 2000, making him the official president of the country. "Well, it's about time," Gore said in his acceptance speech. "Thanks to all the fine people that made this happen. It really is too bad that the earth is going to be destroyed by fire by 2015--err, I mean, 2019,...
  • Men are Human Beings too!

    11/09/2018 1:47:38 PM PST · by sodpoodle · 20 replies
    email | 11/9/2018 | unknown
    A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied "Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke...
  • Truck Tales

    11/09/2018 3:37:54 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 8 replies
    email | 11/9/2018 | unknown
    I bought a new Dodge 3500 Ram Tri-Flex Fuel Truck It'll run on hydrogen, gasoline, or E85. Had to go back to the dealer because I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice-activated. 'Nelson', the technician said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued, and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers. Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven', I'd get beautiful...
  • Today's Toons 11/9/18

    11/09/2018 3:28:46 AM PST · by pookie18 · 30 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 11/9/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Dutch man, 69, sues to lower his age

    11/08/2018 11:10:37 PM PST · by blueplum · 26 replies
    BBC via msn ^ | 07 Nov 2018 | staff
    A Dutch pensioner has started a legal battle to legally change his age and boost his dating prospects. Emile Ratelband, 69, wants to shift his birthday from 11 March 1949 to 11 March 1969, comparing the change to identifying as being transgender. "You can change your name. You can change your gender. Why not your age?" he told Dutch paper De Telegraaf.