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If United States Senator Al Franken -- it hurts to say that -- ever had a redeeming moment, it was in the role of Stuart Smalley, a character he created for "Saturday Night Live." In the most memorable of Smalley's "Daily Affirmations," the lisping, wildly insecure psycho-babbler hosts Michael Jordan. After explaining to his audience that Jordan is "a basketball player for a professional basketball team," Smalley says to him, "You should be very proud of yourself." "Well, thank you, Stuart," says Jordan, "I am." Stunned by Jordan's self-assurance, Smalley blunders on: "I can imagine that the night before a...

CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- He has been called the NBA's greatest player and one of the country's top pitchmen. Now Michael Jordan is ready for a new title: NBA owner. With minutes to go until his exclusive negotiating window was to expire, Jordan struck a deal late Friday night to buy controlling interest of the Charlotte Bobcats, putting the six-time NBA champion in charge of the money-losing team in his home state. Owner Bob Johnson announced in a statement that he's agreed to sell the Bobcats to Jordan, who has been a part-owner of the team since 2006. Jordan has been...

San Francisco is asking basketball superstar Michael Jordan to snuff out the cigars, after he was caught on the front page of The Chronicle's Sporting Green breaking the city's ban on smoking on public golf courses. City officials sprang into action after seeing the full-color photo Tuesday of the NBA Hall of Famer enjoying a good cigar while teeing off at Harding Park's 14th hole during a Presidents Cup practice round.In an interview with PGATour.com, Jordan was asked how many cigars he planned to smoke during this week's tournament. "Well," Jordan replied, "that depends, because I heard this is a...

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. – The tears tumbled, flooding his face and Michael Jordan had yet to march to the microphone at Symphony Hall. He had listened to the genuine stories and speeches of a remarkable class. He had watched a “This is Your Life” video compilation of his basketball genius. Everything flashed before him, a legacy that he’s fought with body and soul to never, ever let go into yesterday.

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. – The tears tumbled, flooding his face and Michael Jordan had yet to march to the microphone at Symphony Hall. He had listened to the genuine stories and speeches of a remarkable class. He had watched a “This is Your Life” video compilation of his basketball genius. Everything flashed before him, a legacy that he’s fought with body and soul to never, ever let go into yesterday. Yes, Michael Jordan was still fighting it on Friday night, and maybe he always will. Mostly, he was crying over the passing of that old Jordan, and it wouldn’t be long...

Noted Chicagoan and basketballophile Barack Obama appears to be writing off the California vote in 2012, at least the basketball fans around Los Angeles. In a pre-holiday interview with the Associated Press, Obama was asked who was the better player -- six-time NBA champion Michael Jordan or four-time champion Kobe Bryant? Without even a moment's hesitation, the ex-senator from Illinois blurted out, "Oh, Michael!" Then, apparently realizing what he'd just said and the profound impact on any 2012 election, the new president hastened to add: "I mean, Kobe's terrific. Don't get me wrong. But I haven't seen anybody match up...

Former U.S. President Bill Clinton, right, shares a laugh with Michael Jordan as the two take part in the Eighth Annual Michael Jordan Celebrity Invitational, at the One & Only Ocean Club, on Paradise Island, in the Bahamas, Saturday, Jan. 24, 2009. Clinton teamed with actor James Caan and played alongside Jordan

Irving, TX—Now that the election has been declared over by the mainstream media, many sports stars are preparing to share their wealth during an Obama administration. Over the last couple of days, the media has moved a couple of more states in Obama’s direction declaring a victory for the Democrat. With the election over, it’s clear that Obama will begin to implement his new wealth redistribution plan. According to the Obama camp, the richest Americans must go. Sports stars “have a negative impact on Americans that simply can’t reach that type of success.”

LANCASTER[California] - One year after making a wish to meet the athlete he idolizes, Marcus Dennis finally got to meet basketball legend Michael Jordan. "It was the greatest thing ever, truly a dream come true for me," Dennis said. With the help of the Make-A-Wish foundation, Dennis, 17, and about five more families were granted their wishes and flown to Chicago to meet the basketball superstar and even attend a Chicago Bulls basketball game Monday. A Lancaster resident for several years, Dennis was just another normal teen until August 2004, when at age 14 he was diagnosed with a life-threatening...

Man didn't ask to be like Mike, so he's suing Court - Allen Ray Heckard says his resemblance to Michael Jordan is distressing, and he wants the star and Phil Knight to pay Related Documents (PDF): 1 Saturday, July 08, 2006 HOLLY DANKS HILLSBORO -- Michael Jordan made a bushel of money shooting baskets and pitching Nike products. Allen Ray Heckard, a 51-year-old Northeast Portland man, says he has been told he looks like Jordan. Now he wants some of that fortune for the pain and suffering of having a famous face. Heckard, an airport shuttle driver and auto detailer...

Retiring sergeant major's service called `slam dunk' for military Associated Press FAYETTEVILLE - based at fort bragg He has the same self-confidence, the same cleanly shaven head, the same famous last name as his brother. But James Jordan has always been his own man. While his younger brother, Michael, made history on the basketball court, James Jordan forged a distinguished career in a different uniform -- Army green. Now he has retired after 31 years, one more than required because he chose to stay and accompany his unit on a yearlong tour of duty in Iraq. "The Army was my...

FRANKFURT, Germany (AP) -- Adidas-Salomon AG said Wednesday that it will buy shoemaker Reebok International Ltd. in a $3.8 billion deal, giving the company about 20 percent of the U.S. market and putting it in a position to better challenge leader Nike Inc. Under the terms of the deal, Adidas, which has its North American headquarters in Portland, Ore., will pay $59 for all of Reebok's outstanding shares, a premium of 34 percent. The deal is subject to regulatory approval in the United States and Europe as well as by shareholders. Both companies said the transaction could close during the...

He is a genuine patriot, selfless and disciplined, living in an antithetical universe from the one that celebrates the younger brother. Command Sgt. Maj. James R. Jordan is his own person, trite as that observation is, forever impervious to the intoxicating vapors that have enveloped Michael through all his basketball incarnations. In the cliche of the day, Command Sgt. Maj. Jordan would have been the lead member of his younger brother's posse or entourage, or whatever is the favored lexicon of the hangers-on who follow on the heels of the overactive pituitary glands.

FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. - Retired basketball great Michael Jordan's older brother James stands just 5-feet-7 but he's standing tall for America. Army Command Sgt. Maj. James Jordan has asked to stay in the Army for a year beyond his mandatory retirement date so he can complete a full year-long deployment to Iraq with about 500 other members of the 35th Signal Brigade. "We are currently at war," Jordan said yesterday before his unit started shipping out. "We are doing things, and it requires leaders to do certain things. That's what I am, a leader." Under normal conditions, the 47-year-old Jordan would...

We yield to no one in our admiration of Michael Jordan, but I can't figure out why we haven't heard anything about his oldest brother James -- make that the Army's Command Sgt. Maj. James R. Jordan. Command Sgt. Maj. Jordan is completing his thirtieth year of service with the Army's 35th Signal Brigade and reaching his mandatory retirement date. Because his unit is about to be deployed to Iraq for a year, however, he has asked for permission to extend his duty for the year.

Command Sgt. Maj. James R. Jordan asked to stay in the Army for a year beyond his mandatory retirement date so he could complete a deployment to Iraq with the 35th Signal Brigade. photo by David SmithCommand Sgt. Maj. James R. Jordan will complete a deployment with the 35th Signal Brigade before retiring. ''We are currently at war,'' Jordan said. ''We are doing things, and it requires leaders to do certain things. That's what I am, a leader.'' Like his younger brother, retired basketball star Michael Jordan, James Jordan loves his job, believes in helping his team, expects maximum effort...

ATHENS, Greece (AP) - In an upset as historic as it was inevitable, Tim Duncan, Allen Iverson and the rest of the U.S. basketball team lost 92-73 to Puerto Rico on Sunday, only the third Olympic defeat ever for the Americans. It was also the most lopsided loss in the games for the U.S. team, alarming not only for its significance but also for its decisiveness. Puerto Rico, which had lost to the Americans five times in the past 13 months, took control in the first half, led by 22 at halftime and gamely held off a fourth-quarter comeback for...

NASA NEWS [KJL] A "space source" tells me "nasa is gonna make a *big* announcement tomorrow about having found something significant on mars. probably water; if they found, say, amino acids it would be a huge deal because it would be a strong indicator of life." Posted at 04:44 PM

Many of them have actually played together for The Rising Stars, a highly successful AAU basketball program in Deerfield, where a sixth-grade team now has a Wennington and a Kukoc. At Loyola Academy, there not only is a Jordan, but also a Grant. Teammates with Jordan is a son of the Super Bowl, Suhey, who also plays football. One football star on the varsity is a Duerson. At Lake Forest High is a Cartwright and a Paxson. At Stevenson, a Morrissey. Doors are opened for them, and they apparently are part of a pretty special gene pool, and people clamber...

BEAVERTON, Ore. -- In his school, LeBron James wore the signature shoe of his idol, Michael Jordan. Now fans can wear James' shoe. Nike launches the product endorsed by the Cleveland Cavaliers' rookie Saturday, and store managers nationwide are expecting teenagers to sleep outside, just as they did for debuts of the Air Jordan line. James' shoe launches in 2,225 stores nationwide, starting at 12:01 a.m. Saturday, when New York City's Foot Action opens its doors. "You could call it the Harry Potter of sneakers," said Jamelah Leddy, a sportswear analyst with McAdams Wright Ragen Inc. in Seattle. The hype...