Free Republic

HOLLYWOOD, CA — At a press conference this week, Sony producers announced the production of a new modern adaptation of George Orwell's dystopic novel 1984 that will feature the character of Big Brother as the good guy. "We felt like it was time to update the story to fit a modern audience," Sony producer Glen Maxwell told reporters. "After seeing how censorship and totalitarianism have grown in popularity over the past few years, we think Big Brother is probably a better protagonist than Winston Smith. Big Brother's insistence on absolute compliance fits better with current progressive ideals." The film will...

Hamas is reeling after losing two of their most cherished leaders on the same day: military commander Saleh al-Arouri, and Harvard President Claudine Gay."This is a devastating loss for our organization and the world," said Hamas Leader Ismail Haniyeh while throwing a dart at a dartboard with a picture of a Jew on it. "Al-Arouri helped mastermind our glorious murder/rape party of October 7th, 2023. Claudine Gay presided over the preaching of our message Jew-hatred in America's Ivy League. This is an incalculable loss."Ismail Haniyeh then went back to his game of darts while sitting in a jacuzzi and having...

TAMPA, FL — Fresh off the case of George Bailey, Clarence the Angel embarked on a new mission over the weekend to show California Governor Gavin Newsom what the California could be like if he'd never been born. "I just picked him up and flew him over to Florida," Clarence explained. "Easiest job I've ever had." Earlier in the day, residents had observed Newsom wandering the streets of San Francisco, muttering to himself about the futility of life. "I was supposed to be President! I was supposed to be the guy!" cried out Newsom. "Instead, I've spent my days toiling...