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Nation Agrees To Get Vaccinated In Exchange For TikTok Influencers Being Launched Into The Sun
The Babylon Bee ^ | August 10, 2021 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 08/11/2021 9:11:57 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House has hired TikTok influencer Benny Drama to help promote COVID vaccinations, and this move has already delivered stunning results. After Benny released a video of himself with long nails and a skirt prancing around with Jen Psaki, tens of millions of unvaccinated people have signed up to get vaccinated. There is a catch, though: They first want Benny and other TikTok influencers like him launched into the sun.

“Okay, you win,” said Douglas Mcguire, who has always been skeptical of the COVID vaccine. “You can inject me with your vaccine. Or multiple vaccines. Or bleach. I don’t care. Just take that guy from that video and anyone else like him and launch them into space in a way I’ll be sure they’re never coming back.”

At the prospect of getting millions more Americans vaccinated, government agencies have snapped into action. “I guess that’s feasible if that’s what it will take to help end the pandemic,” said NASA spokesman Erick Gregory. “We’ll just tell them, ‘Hey, we need some TikTok videos of you at SpaceX,’ and then get them into a rocket and launch it.”

Benny responded by releasing a statement, but it was just a bunch of emojis or something. President Biden also spoke about the program’s success, yelling, “What’s TikTok?” to reporters before getting lost on the way back to the front door of the White House.


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Chit/Chat; Conspiracy; Health/Medicine; Humor; Miscellaneous; Society; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: agreement; babylonbee; bennydrama; biden; covid19; satire; tiktok; vaccines; whitehouse

1 posted on 08/11/2021 9:11:57 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
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To: 100American; al baby; Allegra; BufordP; dp0622; DoodleBob; EveningStar; Gefn; GunsareOK; ...

DANG!


2 posted on 08/11/2021 9:12:50 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Florida: America's new free zone.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Not me.

I’m holding out for every single, sodding member of Congress.


3 posted on 08/11/2021 9:14:19 AM PDT by mewzilla (Those aren't masks. They're muzzles. )
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I had to wait until noon for the “laugh of the day”...but that was grand.


4 posted on 08/11/2021 9:16:31 AM PDT by moovova (Yo GOP....we won't forget.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

That’s a deal worth at least considering.


5 posted on 08/11/2021 9:29:09 AM PDT by cdcdawg (#clotshots)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I was soooo praying that this would NOT be a Bee story.

Oh, well


6 posted on 08/11/2021 9:33:49 AM PDT by Roccus (Prima di ogni altra cosa, siate armati!)
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To: cdcdawg

They’ll need to throw in the Instagram influencers as well.

Seriously, when did this become a thing? I don’t understand people getting paid to do this. The concept seems to be that you 1) Post lots of nonsense 2) Become famous 3) Get paid to do a subtle marketing push to people because you’re famous.

I still don’t fully understand the point of Twitter for most people. I think it’s useful for emergency services to post critical information to locals following them, and I think it’s useful for somebody like President Trump to have more frequent “fireside chats”, right up until they ban him. Beyond that, I don’t get hundreds of millions of people posting what they had for dinner or that they got new shoes. I don’t care!


7 posted on 08/11/2021 9:35:55 AM PDT by 2aProtectsTheRest (The media is banging the fear drum enough. Don't help them do it.)
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To: 2aProtectsTheRest

its the internet equivalent of the stripper pole.

get on Instagram and expose yourself, and they will throw dollars at you.


8 posted on 08/11/2021 9:47:51 AM PDT by Mr. K (No consequence of repealing obamacare is worse than obamacare itself)
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To: Mr. K

I don’t pretend to know who qualifies as an “influencer”, but my understanding is that at least some of them are guys and a lot of them just do a lot of travel (or even fake travel using backdrops). For some reason, people become obsessed about these peoples’ daily (fake) lives and this somehow leads to fame?

If it were just pretty girls showing the goods, I wouldn’t expect that to get them very far. Of all the things you can find on the Internet, free and abundant pornography seems to be among the easiest. I’m just thankful it no longer appears in my email spam folder.


9 posted on 08/11/2021 9:52:12 AM PDT by 2aProtectsTheRest (The media is banging the fear drum enough. Don't help them do it.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

ROFLMAO 🤣🤣


10 posted on 08/11/2021 10:09:05 AM PDT by markman46 (engage brain before using keyboard!!!)
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