"Look at these shoes. I had to wear them twice. Get those US billions
so I can go shopping in Paris, or your life wont be worth a plug nickel."
Posted on 05/07/2024 11:27:29 AM PDT by Navy Patriot
KYIV — In a televised address, President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine claimed to have survived a harrowing assassination attempt and would be happy to disclose the thrilling details for a paltry 45 billion dollars.
"I almost died," Zelensky reported. "And for the low price of 45 billion dollars, I will tell you all about it."
"I promise you, it's very exciting!"
The White House confirmed that President Biden telephoned Zelensky immediately, eager for the gritty details, but could not pry further information from Zelensky.
"I'd love to tell you, friend, but I'm afraid news about my assassination attempt is exclusive to Zelensky Plus members," the Ukrainian president said. "Please wire me $45 billion and I swear you will not be disappointed."
World leaders are torn on whether or not to believe Zelensky, but agree the story is likely too juicy to ignore.
"I simply must know," French President Emmanuel Macron commented. "Even if it means bankrupting France, there's no way I'm getting cut out of this story."
He added, "I better get in fast to avoid spoilers!"
At publishing time, President Biden ordered the U.S. Department of the Treasury to print more money so he could buy into what was sure to be the story of a lifetime.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Hey, AOC also almost died, right? She should put a price on her story too!! She’s missing out on the BIG BUCKS!
The Bee is endlessly creative in making satire.
I think sometimes they give others ideas.
Yep and the Bee gets that there are no good guys here while the commie KGB stooge lovers roll on.
"Look at these shoes. I had to wear them twice. Get those US billions
so I can go shopping in Paris, or your life wont be worth a plug nickel."
Please copy and paste the parts of the article where ANY Eastern European Political Entity is referenced as Bad Guys or Not Good Guys.
The following Western Political Entities ARE referenced:
The White House; President Biden; Zelensky; the Ukrainian president; French President Emmanuel Macron; France; and the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
If you wish to post MSM or Uke Nazi Disinformation, do not attempt to conflate it with The Babylon Bee.
Just admit it is Zeeper Trash.
Have a telethon? That was done in a movie already (Americathon). It could be called Ukrainathon. It already has1 140 billion spent and 60 billion more on the way.
Volodymyr Zelensky is a hero and the US will continue to support him.
“Burisma and 10% for the big guy is SO heroic!”
Too bad he survived
Yes, and they do Ridicule well also!
This is a classic.
Other than when the ruble was higher the first six months of the invasion and I was posting that he was successfully evading the sanctions and winning-
brilliant post.
The Bee has ridiculed all sides-just like myself.
Unlike the commie KGB stooge apologists and sympathizers.
You do know that right?
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