Posted on 03/23/2002 9:33:49 AM PST by vannrox
Cut Wrong
South Carolina
An angry man walked into his local police station and threw a bag of cocaine on the counter. He told the desk sergeant that it was a substandard cut and demanded that dealer he bought it form be arrested.
You Mean You Had To Lift The Hood?
San Antonio, Texas
Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic found eighteen packages of marijuana packed in the engine compartment of the car. The woman, who had taken her car in for an oil change said that she did not realize he would have to lift the hood to get the job done.
No Warrant
Pontiac, Michigan
Charged with drug-possession, Christopher Johns claimed that he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer did not need a warrant because a bulge in Johns's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day. When he handed the judge the jacket, a bag of cocaine fell out. The judge required a five minute recess so that he could gain his composure.
Lower Bail
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Accused of selling drugs, Howard Jones's attorney sought to lower his client's bail from $150,000 insisting that Jones would not think about fleeing. At that very instant, Jones sprinted out of the front door of the courtroom. He was caught fifty minutes later and his bail was raised to $500,000.
Cigarettes and Joints
New Jersey
New Jersey Trooper Glenn Lubertazzi stopped a car for speeding and began asking the three passengers routine questions. When of the them got a cigarette from them glove compartment, the officer noticed that the pack contained a marijuana joint. A search of the car turned up $32,000 of drug money and several pounds of marijuana.
Settled Scores
Washington DC
Two men called the local television station and said they had a score to settle with President Clinton. They swore to cut him from ear to ear. The Secret Service was called in. After tracing the call, the Service went to the men's homes where they discovered 200 marijuana plants. The men were charged with both crimes.
Dumb Criminal's Mother
Unknown
Police officer questioned a drug dealer's mother after her son was already in custody. The police wanted to know why the woman had thirty-thousand dollars in the glove compartment of her truck. The woman said she was saving it to put a prosthetic leg for her son. Her son, had both legs; he had used them to run from the police earlier that day.
Golf Trip
England
A German tourist supposedly on vaction showed up to customs with his golf bag. While making conversation about golf, the customs official realized that the man did not know what a handicap was. The official then ask the man to demonstrate his swing; the man swung the club backwards. Quickly grabbing the golf bag, officials discovered a substantial amount of heroine and marijuana.
Gas Company
Mexico
A group of drug traffickers cleverly decided to use a propane tanker to cross the border from Mexico to El Paso, Texas. They released the propane and concealed within the truck 6,240 pounds of marijuana. The men did not realize, however, that they had misspelled the name of the gas company.
Wrong Tire
Unknown
A man had a flat tire and pulled over on the highway to change it. A police officer pulled up behind him to give him cover. The man changed the tire and got in his car when the police turned on his sirens. The man was arrested for DUI. The police did not realize he was drunk until he changed the wrong tire.
Tiger pelts
New Deli, India
A man from New Delhi, India arrived at San Francisco International Airport where he showed custom officials a rug made from a full grown tiger pelt with the head of the animal still attached and properly taxidermed. The man failed to realize that such items are considered illegal in the United States as the tiger is an endangered species. Custom officials seized the pelt and upon closer examination discovered two kilos of heroin within the skull of the animal. The man was promptly arrested.
Glass Eyes
Unknown location
A man was pulled over for suspicion of DUI. The officer had him walk the white line to prove his sobriety. After the man stumbled about, he explained to the officer that he could not walk straight because he had a glass eye. Suspecting the man was lying, the officer asked the man which of his eyes was the glass. The man replied, "Both of them."
Hitching a Ride
Indiana Co. PA
As a man approached the scene of a vehicle accident, he was flagged down by a ragged looking man. The man asked for a ride. He said that he had to get out of the there because he was drunk and had just crashed his car. The driver of the fully marked State Patrol car drove to the scene of the accident. After the investigation, the man was arrested for DUI and also possession of marijuana.
That’s My Parking Spot
Durham, North Carolina
After returning to his dorm late one night after a party, a college senior circled the parking lot for over ten minutes looking for a parking space. He saw one open up but was beat out by another man. So enraged was he that he snatched the driver of the other car from his vehicle and assaulted him. An eyewitness called the police who quickly arrived. As he struggled with the police, a small bag of marijuana fell from his pocket. The man was arrested for DUI and drug possession.
Curbs Get In The Way
Roseville, CA
Driving home inebriated from the local bar, a man hit a curb just a few blocks from his home. As the car would not start, the man began to push it home. Quickly, he became tired and walked to a pay phone to call 911. When the police arrived, the man was arrested for DUI.
Pass It Over
East Hartford, CT
In East Hartford, CT, a couple of guys were sitting outside an apartment building, smoking a joint. They were so intent on their conversation that an UNIFORMED cop walked up beside them & held out his hand and they passed the joint to him!
Can I Get My Van Back?
Unknown
A man was transporting drugs in a van. After he realized that the police were trailing him, he drove into a sugarcane field, abandoning the van. The van was impounded by the police and the drugs were confiscated. A few weeks later, the man called the police asking when he could have his van back. The police told him to go to the local DEA office and he could have it back. He went and was quickly arrested.
Fried Out
Sanford Florida
A man went to the county jail to visit his friend. While waiting in the lobby, he lit a marijuana cigarette. Jail officials arrested the man as soon as he exited the lobby area. In addition to the cigarette, he had half a pound of marijuana on his person.
Can't Sleep
Unknown
A crackhead got bored one night and decided to walk to the nearest convenience store. Dressed in a ski mask, tee shirt, and shorts, the man stole just a few dollars. He was arrested the next morning because the clerk recognized the fake gold chain.
What happened then? :D
Under Convenience Store Stories:
Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store when he decided to fire his attorney. Oklahoma City District Attorney said Newton was doing a decent job until the store manage testified that Newton was indeed the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, " I should have blown your f***ing head off" The defendant paused then added "If I had been the one that was there." The jury deliberated for twenty minutes before returning a verdict of guilty and recommended a sentence of thirty years.
They formed a partnership to front a phony real estate scam. Even as well-connected as they were they still couldn't make a dime.
She finally had to ditch the whole scheme and gig a cattle futures deal to recoup.
;-)
A peal of laughter is a valid basis for appeal.
Are there any Libertarian Freepers that we haven't heard from in a while?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.