[cd jones]

woops sorry: here is the link

[xm177e2]

Watch Andy Borowitz Tuesday morning on CNN's "American Morning" with Paula Zahn.

Or not.

[Dakmar]

BUSH TO DUMP CHENEY, RUN WITH OZZY OSBOURNE IN ‘04

‘No [Bleeping] Way!’ Says Outraged Veep

G.O.P. strategists are urging President Bush to dump Vice-President Dick Cheney from the 2004 Republican ticket and run with Ozzy Osbourne instead, citing the addled rock star’s superior poll numbers.

A new survey of likely voters shows that Mr. Osbourne is now the most popular public figure in America, trouncing his nearest rival, Spider-man, a fictitious comic-book character.

The poll results suggest that Americans have little or no concern about Mr. Osbourne’s fitness for the second-highest office in the land, despite his apparent inability to operate a TV remote or replace a garbage can liner.

But aides to Mr. Cheney say that the Vice-President is not about to be replaced by the shuffling, dazed-looking rocker without a fight.

Mr. Cheney sprang into action on Monday, inviting MTV cameras into his secure undisclosed location to film a new documentary-style series about him and his family, “The Cheneys.”

The footage shows the Cheney children exchanging volleys of raw expletives with the Vice-President’s wife Lynne V. Cheney, a Senior Fellow at the American Enterprise Institute.

“We can [bleeping] drill for [bleeping] oil in Alaska if we [bleeping] feel like it!” Mrs. Cheney can be heard saying at one point.

But the biggest surprise for viewers may be Dick Cheney himself, who appears throughout the program in a sleeveless black vest, his biceps tattooed with the corporate logo of the Halliburton Company, the petroleum concern he used to head.

“I never thought I’d say this, but Dick Cheney is actually in better shape than Ozzy,” one aide said.

**** BOROWITZ ON CNN ****

[CounterCounterCulture]

But...but...Ozzy's not qualified to be President (natural born citizen criteria) if something bad should happen to Dubya.

This idea's so risky, I feel like biting the head off something.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

This is the most bleepin funny bleepin thread on bleepin FR tonight.......... I especially love the "Halliburton tatoos" on Cheney! ROFL........

[Dakmar]

I have no idea why I re-posted that, have the moderators removed me from Kansas/Indiana without prior consent once again?

[Cicero]

All joking aside, Ozzy would make a better Vice President than Al Gore.

[spald]

Not Ozzie, cd. Condi.

[Revolting cat!]

You spoilsports don't seem to appreciate the humour in the humourless getting their panties all tied up in knots when they see an article like this, think it utterly serious and treat us to their mouth foaming outrages. Next time hold off your "that's funny" posts for a bit, will ya?! I guarantee you'll be able to double your fun!

[WIMom]

I hope SNL does a skit of this. ;-)

Hiya girl!

[blam]

Bush's Secret Weapon.

[Revolting cat!]

What if he's serious? I'm serious. Look, here's how the calculation went. They counted the sales of the stupid Black Sabbath band and compare them to the voting participation of the brainy buyers of those awful albums: result megamillions to zero! What have they got to lose? Black Sabbath fans will turn out in droves to vote, the Republicans will have no choice and the Gorons will vote for Hitlery one way or another. Bottom line is the net gain of the Black Sabbath album buyers all of whom are now voting age (and beyond, to be sure.)

[TADSLOS]

I don't think America's ready to watch Ozzie's dysfunctional family operate from the Vice President's quarters at Fort McNair. Can you imagine those pets roaming around the place messing it up or Ozzie throwing a ham into the yard of the Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff for partying too loud? I think not. Hollyweird is the perfect spot for Ozzie.

[Senator Goldwater]

I thought the piece was great satire. And I love both Ozzy and the current Vice President.

[scouse]

Ozzy Osbourne

Non-starter...Not %*#%ing native born.

[wattsmag2]

Actually, I'd prefer Ted Nugent.

[Angelique]

I wonder if Cheney is going to start biting of bats heads to avoid this from happening....