US activists demand lawyers for chimps

BBC News ^ | Friday, 26 April, 2002, 12:46 GMT 13:46 UK | Editorial Staff

[troublesome creek]

another attorney with too much free time and not enough billable hours.

[bescobar]

I thought all lawyers where chimps!!! Hey what is going on here???

[My2Cents]

Among the rights chimps might be granted are the right to life

They'd end up having more rights than unborn humans.

[AdA$tra]

When this comes to pass, I am moving to France with the Baldwins.

[bescobar]

of course not all primates are literate either!! I meant "were"

[Billy_bob_bob]

Actually, this is one of those ideas that sounds bad when proposed but might be a good thing if implemented. Imagine a bunch of lawyers locked in a room during a deposition with a couple of chimps. At the least the lawyers will probably come out of there smelling pretty bad, what with the propensity of monkeys to throw feces when they are upset, which is pretty often.

Now, just speaking personally, I would pay good money to see a room full of lawyers being pelted with monkey turds by a couple of screaming, out of control apes. That would truly be a sight worth seeing.

[bescobar]

I might have mentioned this before, but in Africa Chimps are considered quite the delicacy. Chopped up with a little lemon and onions, it goes right along with the smaller simmians like baboon which is a bit like rancid chile verde.

No chimp deserves as mch right as my dog!!!

[gubamyster]

Imagine a bunch of lawyers locked in a room during a deposition with a couple of chimps.

PETA wouldn't allow this cruelty to the chimps.

[TheRedSoxWinThePennant]

i can just see the trailer on animal planet. " tonight when coco kills his abusive captor its up to john smith to save him from the death chamber" on the next episode of monkey attorney's"

[Steve_Seattle]

I saw this coming five years ago. I see this as the camel's nose in the tent for eventually trying to make vegetarianism mandatory. If animals have rights comparable to human rights, killing them would of course be prohibited. Right now they are talking about chimps, but in a few years they'll be talking about all animals. And they will scoff at this as alarmist and ridiculous, even as they plan it, just as abortion proponents scoffed back in the 1960's when abortion opponents said allowing abortion in some circumstances would lead to a call for abortion on demand. Similarly, in the early 1990's gay activists scoffed when conservatives claimed that "domestic partnership" laws were being used to pave the way for demands for gay marriage. "We have no such plans, that is ridiculous!" they said.

[Krafty123]

I understand why some might feel chimps deserve a lawyer... 98.7% is pretty close. The real question is, do liberals deserve lawyers? Does 97.8% count as well?

Ari

[Chuckster]

Just when you thought you have seen everything someone comes up with a new more creative way to channel your money into someone else's pocket.

[gubamyster]

Another new make over for Chelsea?

[AmericaUnited]

The natural insane byproduct from all those who think we evolved from monkeys.

[DoughtyOne]

After seeing this person's thought processes, I'm convinced chimps are more deserving of attornies than they are.

Of course this would open Pandora's box and lead to total caos. Once again that word pops it's ugly head over the threashhold.

[AmericaUnited]

Maybe the chimp lawyers will demand reparations from all of the Africans who "profited" from the use of chimps. Maybe they'll demand that Africans give back the "occupied lands" of Africa to the chimps also.

[bescobar]

Okay, here is my plan.

I think we need to call these PETA people what they are...racist. See, the mixed cultures that make up my background (Anglo/Hispanic) consider meat as part of our culture and long tradition. I consider any assault on my family of rancheros and farmers and assault on my race. I hate racist and those who would attack my family history. All PETA people are racist.

See my logic, I'll just call them racist whenever there in my face and threaten to sew them for a hate crime.

[metesky]

Chopped up with a little lemon and onions...

Add a little garlic and you've got a great recipe for lawyers too.

[demkicker]

I had to make sure this didn't originate from BSNN or some other humorous site. Sadly, this story will probably get legs and these whackos won't go away quietly.

I'm not monkeying around when I say, watch out for this to hit big in public schools. The bleeding hearts know about kids tender hearts and how to indoctrinate. They're aiming for the next generation to pass their extremist laws.