Oh a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled round til he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off unto the grass to sleep beside street.
Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, Oh he stumbled off unto the grass to sleep beside the street.
Well about that time two young and lovely ladies happened by
And one said to the other, with a twinkle in her eye
"Oh see yon sleepy Scotsman, so strong and handsome built?"
"Well I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilts?"
Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, "Oh I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilts."
Well they snuck up to that sleeping Scotsman, quiet as could be
And they lifted up his kilt a little bit so they might see
And there before their startled eyes, beneath that Scottish skirt,
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.
Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.
Well they marvelled for a moment, then one said, "We must be gone."
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
As a gift, they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star the Scotsman's kilt did lift and show.
Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, Around the bonnie star the Scotsman's kilt beneath did show.
Well the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree,
And as he lifted up his kilt, he gawks at what he sees,
And in a strangled voice, he says to what's before his eyes,
"I don't know where ye been, laddie, but I see ye took first prize!"
Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, "I don't know where ye been, me lad, but I see ye took first prize!"
Our Scottish friend still dressed in kilt continued down the street,
He hadn't gone ten yards or more, when a girl he chanced to meet.
She said, "I've heard what's 'neath that kilt, tell me is it so." He said, "Just put your hand up miss, if you'd really like to know."
Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, He said, "Just put your hand up miss, if you'd really like to know."
She put her hand right up his kilt and much to her surprise,
The Scotsman smiled and a very strange look came into his eyes.
She said, "Why sir that's gruesome," and then she heard him roar,
"If you put your hand up once again you'll find it grew some more."
Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, "If you put your hand up once again you'll find it grew some more."
I will admit that the versions I ha'e heard most leave out the last two stanzas...