Posted on 04/19/2005 2:50:38 PM PDT by LibertyBelt
Nine Papal Jokes for the newly elected resident of the Chair of St. Peter. (Answers at the end)
1. What did the new Pope have for breakfast his first day on the job?
2. What can the Pope do that no one else on earth can do?
3. As Cardinal Ratzinger, the newest Pope was on record of giving full support for controversial Catholic dogmas such as the selling of indulgences, purgatory, and the Immaculat Conception of Mary. What might Martin Luther say in response to these official teachings of the Magisterium?
4. What did Senator Edward Kennedy say about his upcoming trip to visit the new Pontifex Maximus?
5. We all know that Peter, being the First Pope, spoke Yiddish. What was his response to today's announcement of the new Supreme Pontiff?
6. Many secularist American Catholics are upset because the new Pope does not uphold the American dogmas of the sanctity of abortion, the infallability of the People, and the right of women to be men. If they had their way, who would the new Pope be?
7. What was the Lord's message to NASA today?
8. Why was the smoke grey when Pope John Paul II was elected?
Answers:
1. Eggs Benedict.
2. Pontificate! (Though lots of people try)
3. Nothing but a bunch of Papal Bulls! (Historical note: On June 15, 1520, the Pope warned Martin Luther with the bull Exsurge Domine that he risked excommunication lest he within 60 days recanted 41 points of doctrine culled from his writings. On December 10, 1520, Luther burned the bull in public at Wittenberg. Subsequently, the Pope excommunicated Luther on January 3,1521 in the bull Docet Romanum Pontificem.)
4. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. (In Latin, Pontifex comes from pontem faciens, which means "bridge-maker". This was indeed an important position in Rome, where the major bridges were over the Tiber, the holy river (and a deity, at the same time); only prestigious authorities, with sacral function could be allowed to "disturb" it with mechanical additions. Other experts believe that the position, in its religious interpretation, would have provided men with a symbolic "bridge" to let them contact the gods; it has besides been noted that in ancient India similar concepts were in use in similar ages, here too ideally regarding rivers and bridges.)
5. Papacy Schmapacy!
6. Pope Benedict Arnold.
7. None. The Catholic Church teaches that the Pope, like Jesse Jackson, is a multiplier, not a divider.
8. Houston, Habemus papam! (We have a Pope)
9. The Father and Son couldn't agree and the Holy Spirit didn't want to contradict either of them
Answer #7 is a scribal error. The rest are just doctrinal errors!
Whomever wrote these ought not to quit his day job.
RE#1- I know it was Pope Tarts.
RE#2: He can spot a soda pop from a mile away (Pope see cola)
10. John Paul was put in a cryogen. What was he referred to as afterwards?
The First Popesicle.
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