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With the press dubbing Senator Obama's trip as a "Tour of Duty" I was inspired to cobble together this png file for a 3x10 bumper sticker (blanks can be obtained at Office Depot, I believe). It's resolution is 150 ppi. The phone nunber in the disclaimer is really "so sue me". http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/4247/tourofdoodyqy5.png Also, here is an older, smaller png that is only 75x300 and is good for web use: http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/4247/tourofdoodyqy5.png

Barack-No-Phobia It's a full hour of all the Kidders taking on the jokes that the rest of the media won't touch!   Why won't the late night talk shows make jokes about Barack Obama?   Because he's "not funny enough?"   The Kidders will spend all hour proving that point wrong. Click on this link, download parts 1 and 2, and be prepared to laugh and laugh! Share these with all your friends who've been missing out on how Chicagoans can poke fun at one of their own (well, for the last 20 years or so, anyway). Now you see...

Further to his 100% hydrocarbon free electricity generation proposal, Al Gore has proposed a new government program, "Fart Recycling." Methane gas in the atmosphere has increased 150% since the mid 1700's. (During the same time period, Carbon dioxide increased only 30%.) Methane gas has more than 25 times the greenhouse gas impact per gram as compared to carbon dioxide. As many know, flatulence, "farts," are almost entirely methane gas. Therefore, Al Gore has developed a new program to combat this obviously increasing peril to our planet, and make a little money for himself at the same time. Everyone will be...

Apparently, late-night hosts are having trouble making fun of presidential candidate Barack Obama. One experienced writer stated, "The thing is, he’s not buffoonish in any way." Cough. The sad thing? That quote wasn't supposed to be ironic. Hoping to ease the creative burden upon late-night comedy writers, I offer them The Top Ten Ways to Mock Obama! [Several Photoshops follow...]

There is plenty funny about Barack Obama if you don't happen to worry about being called a racist or happen to think he is the Messiah. I had posted these pictures and captions on a forum I frequent but since the professionals need a little help, I'll post them here as well.

If the New Yorker cover had been a satire of McCain ...... then it probably would've run in the National Review. Here's P-I cartoonist David Horsey's idea of what it might look like. If the McCain cover also existed, which would you say is worse? P.S. - A New York Times piece on how difficult it is to make jokes about Obama quotes comedian Bill Maher making a good point: ""If you can't do irony on the cover of The New Yorker, where can you do it?"

What's so funny about Barack Obama? Apparently not very much, at least not yet. On Monday, The New Yorker magazine tried dipping its toe into broad satire involving Senator Obama with a cover image depicting the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee and his wife, Michelle, as fist-bumping, flag-burning, bin Laden-loving terrorists in the Oval Office. The response from both Democrats and Republicans was explosive. Comedy has been no easier for the phalanx of late-night television hosts who depend on skewering political leaders for a healthy quotient of their nightly monologues. Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O'Brien and others have delivered a...

Big Business: The US Government is the New Bank of America Government as the Big Lender Massive new US bank formed: Gosbank USA By PETER S. GOODMAN For millions of Americans, the government has morphed from lender of last resort into effectively the only lender. Today the GSEs Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac merged with the Federal Reserve Bank, the US Treasury Department, Goldman Sachs, Citigroup and JP Morgan Chase to form Gosbank USA Capping a year of crisis in the credit markets and global financial system that led to the nationalization of banks in Europe and England, the US...

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following:

Democrat presidential nominee Sen. Barack Obama today faulted the "weakness of the Bush administration" for Iran's recent long-range missile testing, and said when he sits in the Oval Office "Iran will know that we mean talk." The Illinois senator said he would engage Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in face-to-face negotiations offering "carrots as well as sticks," meaning that he would "reward Iranian goodwill gestures with stirring laudatory speeches, and punish Iran's violations of U.N. resolutions with bold rhetorical rebukes."

#13.Indoor Nudity (Villahermosa, Mexico) #12.Silly String (Los Angeles) #11.Fishbowls (Monza, Italy) #10.Feeding the Homeless (Las Vegas) #9.Being at the Library Whilst Having Body Odor (Houston) #8.The Jolly Roger (Stafford Borough, England) #7.Ice Cream Truck Music (Stafford, New Jersey) #6.Chewing Gum (Singapore) #5.Lobster (Reggio, Italy) #4.Saggy Pants (Delcambre, Louisiana) #3.Excuses (Megion, Siberia) (BY CITY OFFICIALS, NO LESS. - ARD.) #2.Karaoke (Lilbum, Georgia) #1.Satan (Inglis, FL) Full details on each at link.

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in El Paso, Texas, while awaiting their respective flights. One is an American Indian from Lame Deer, Montana; another is a Texas cowboy on his way to Dallas for a livestock show; and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived in the U.S. from the Middle East. Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on...

Retired General Wesley Clark has gotten into hot water for his remarks expressing doubts about John McCain's fitness to lead the nation, despite McCain's Navy service and status as a former prisoner of war. It's a good Clark has 23/6's resident PR expert to defend him: STATEMENT FROM THE WORLD'S WORST PR GUY: Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for meeting me at this Captain D's Seafood Kitchen as I elaborate on the comments of my client, Wesley Clark. First off, Gen. Clark's comments were taken wildly out of context. Yes, he said, "I don't think riding in...

July 4, 2008San Francisco, California Wow, even days later, I am still so giddy I can hardly type!Have you ever taken a bong hit that melts away the worries of this world in a euphoric wave of Zen-like contentment? How about the intense pleasure of listening to your favorite Grateful Dead song while enjoying the aforementioned bodacious botanicals, followed by the exquisite pleasure of biting into a chewy, warm brownie right from the oven? While most enlightened liberals would consider these things life's ultimate pleasures, they pale in comparison to sitting at the feet of The Master and drinking in the sweet nectar of hope!Senator Barack Obama's San Francisco campaign stop...

This audio was played this morning on WMAL's "Grandy & Andy Morning Show" and I was laughing so hard I almost fell over. You will totally enjoy this. Here's the YouTube blurb: "This was sent to me by a friend, its legit... following is the story from him. Okay guys here is the info on this voicemail. One of my friend's from work and her friend were out one night in the SF Marina district and were hanging outside of the bars trying to find a cab. One of the girl's, Olga ends up meeting this guy Dmitri and they...

For those PC folks who are afraid of fireworks.

You too can write like a loony conspiracy theorist! Welcome to the THB Moonbat Writing Tutorial, M1. In this first lesson we will go over the style and content guidelines for writing like a true left-wing Blogger. You only need to learn a few simple rules and you can be up and howling at the moon like all your buddies! Please read each rule carefully and complete the Sample Assignments below. The Moonbat Stylebook: 1. Rage Against the Dying of the Light. Emotion is a perfectly acceptable alternative to reason. In fact, in most cases it’s preferable, because you don’t...

This video is an animation of a deer and rabbit. The rabbit meet the deer in the wild and expresses its thoughts. The voices of this video are, o7jimmy and grandson.

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Wimbledon under fire for pigeon cull Jun 24, 1:03 pm EDT Buzz Up PrintLONDON, June 24 (Reuters) - Wimbledon came under fire from animal activists on Tuesday for using marksmen to shoot down dive-bombing pigeons. The tournament employs two hawks to scare away pigeons who had become a pest swooping down on Centre Court and distracting players in the middle of tense matches. But the hawks failed to keep the pigeons away from the players’ lawn and the open-air media restaurant so marksmen were called in. “The hawks are our first line of deterrent, and by and large they do...

<p>I decided to go scout the Miami Dolphins on Monday, to see how they look this year. This is important, because the Dolphins represent South Florida's manhood, and last season we had the same community testosterone level as the audience for a Barbra Streisand concert. The Dolphins lost 15 games and won only one, which I believe was against Princeton.</p>

<p>When we think of Wisconsin, we think of it as the nation's Heartland -- a placid place where you can park your car anywhere and leave it unlocked, with the key in the ignition, knowing that no matter how long you're gone, when you return your car will be covered with cheese.</p>

Senator John McCain pointed out to Senator Barack Obama that terrorism was a global problem, noting that 3 Brazilian soldiers had been killed by terrorists in the previous week. "That's terrible," a startled Barack Obama stammered in reply. "How many is a Brazilian?" John McCain's military record has Barack Obama's supporters in Hollywood worried, so they've decided to make a movie about Obama's military experience. The working title is "Full Dinner Jacket." Mike Huckabee's bumpersticker: Honk If You Love Jesus Barack Obama's bumpersticker: Honk If You Think I Am Jesus John McCain's bumpersticker: Honk If You Want Amnesty for Jesus...

Citing extensive United Nations research as well as personal observations, former Mets manager Willie Randolph has concluded that last year's historic late-season collapse of the New York Mets was caused by anthopogenic global warming. "This is a settled issued," declared Randolph. "The Intergovermental Panel on Climate Change has investigated every possible explanation for our cataclysmic stretch run choke. The only logical conclusion is that global warming caused severe imbalances in the microclimates in and around Shea Stadium." Pressed for details Mr. Randolph explained that temperature readings in left field were .0002 of a degree (Celsius) higher than readings in right...

1) Three workers find themselves locked up, and they ask each other what they’re in for. The first man says: “I was always ten minutes late to work, so I was accused of sabotage.” The second man says: “I was always ten minutes early to work, so I was accused of espionage.” The third man says: “I always got to work on time, so I was accused of having a Western watch.” And here are the nine runners-up: 2) An old man is dying in his hovel on the steppes. There is a menacing banging on the door. ‘Whose there?’...

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church. ---------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ------------------------- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." ------------------------- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. -------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ------------------ The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today...

I did a little test with the System.Drawing namespace() in .Net. Sweet stuff! Make your own Obama poster!

“Son of a…” June 14th, 2008 by Tom Purcell Get this: Dads are essential to kids.According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, kids who grow up without dads are more likely to grow up poor, drop out of school, end up in jail and encounter numerous other struggles in life than kids who grow up with dads.This information comes as no shock to most men. We know that boys are prone to stupidity and that the creature best suited to taming them is the like-minded fellow called dad.When I was five, my father told me to stop jumping around the tub,...

Bikinis and other sexy stimuli can make men more prone to seek immediate gratification — leading to blown diets, budgets and bank accounts, new research suggests.In the study, detailed in the Journal of Consumer Research, men alternately fondled t-shirts and bras (which were not being worn during the test).After touching the bras, men valued the future less and the present more, said lead researcher Bram Van Den Bergh of Katholieke Universiteit Leuven in Belgium. Viewing ads with women in bikinis had the same effect.

OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself! ------------------------------------------- MODERN LIBERAL VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the...

While there has been a lot of focus what a bad candidate Obama is, I don't think there has been enough focus on how dumb his supporters are. I mean, McCain is a horrible candidate too, but there aren't a bunch of people deluded into thinking he craps rainbows and pisses sunshine. It's well known that McCain craps poo and pisses urine. So how do we recognize if someone is one of these deluded Obama supporters? SIGNS SOMEONE IS AN OBAMA SUPPORTER * Blank stare. * Unable to communicate complex thoughts. * Fits of excitement followed by bouts of depression...

This year's Democratic nominating process was so convoluted and arcane, who could possibly make sense of it? Here's how the outcome could have been determined with just as much accuracy and without the affliction of 21 election nights...

(Chicago, Illinois 6/8/08) – In a press release scheduled for tomorrow morning, presumptive Democratic Party nominee Barack Obama (D-Ill) will announce Senator Barbara Boxer is on the short list for his choice as Vice-President. Said a spokesperson, “After a difficult and trying primary season, the attention has now shifted to a unified party ticket to run against John McCain. In making this important selection, we have decided that we must go after independents, moderates, Reagan Democrats and other people who are undecided at this point. We need someone whose vision of a New America, who desperately shares our message of...

"The move was seen by political pundits as a bold albeit misguided attempt to bolster his popularity amongst African-Americans, young voters, and elements of the criminal sub-culture — all groups with which he is trailing badly in the polls." Read more here: http://www.crazyforum.org/

Most of you know that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama held a secret meeting at an undisclosed location in Washington, D.C. yesterday. What you don’t know is that The House has obtained a super secret transcript of their brief but telling conversation. The meeting took place at a secret hideway used by Mrs. Clinton to decompress after especially tough days on the Hill or the campaign trail. The joint statement released by both sides only gives the bare bones of what was discussed: “Senator Clinton and Senator Obama met tonight and had a productive discussion about the important work that...

Vice President Dick Cheney threw a verbal insult at West Virginians on Monday, but quickly apologized. Talking about his family roots and how he's distantly related to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, the vice president noted that he had Cheneys on both sides of his family. "And we don't even live in West Virginia," Cheney quipped. "You can say those things when you're not running for re-election." West Virginia Gov. Joe Manchin, a Democrat, quickly asked Cheney to apologize. "I truly cannot believe that any vice president of the United States, regardless of their political affiliation, would make such a...

(Riyahd, Saudi Arabia) - It has been revealed through anonymous sources that Saudi Arabia has entered into serious negotiations with U. S. Democrats to purchase, for $200 billion in cash, the states of North and South Dakota. Said a spokesperson for the Democratic Party, "This purchase makes sense from a domestic and economic point of view. North and South Dakota don't have much from a tourist point of view other than some rock carvings and a bunch of drunk bikers once a year. We feel the revenue gained from this sale will enable Democratic Party Presumptive Nominee Barack Obama to...

(Baghdad, Iraq - 6/1/08) - Ali Abu sat at a typical Iraqi coffeehouse today watching the discussion of the U.S. Democratic Party regarding Michigan and Florida on CSPAN-International. As head of the Democratic Party of Iraq, he could not believe his eyes and what he was hearing. Said Ali through an interpreter, "We here in Iraq equate the Democratic Party with upstanding morals, clear vision, unending commitment to helping those in need and a cohesiveness of spirit. These Democrats in America have none of these. I must shake my head at the comedy being perpetrated in America after watching the...

May 30, 2008Berkeley, CaliforniaThis week ex-Bush Press Secretary Scott McClellan's tell-all book "What Happened" was released to huge fanfare. Scooter came over Wednesday morning with a copy and breathlessly exclaimed this was his "ticket to the easy life." Sometimes Scooter gets like this when he's had too many Mountain Dews for breakfast. When he finally calmed down, he explained that the whole country was talking about this book and it was selling like Love Lube at a Gay Pride parade.It took me a bit to finally understand that Scooter wasn't excited about the dirt this book dished on Chimpy McHitler, but rather the...

No denial. France of today is a magnificent nation. The almost perfect blend of shopping opportunities, beauty of architechture and landscape, nice freeways, marvelous food, well educated people and high-tech solutions are just about everywhere. Today, even a place like Paris or Monaco (not "de jure" French) has become poorer than Hamburg, Switzerland, Inner City London and Scandinavia, but Paris and Monaco still live up to their former reputation in many ways. Personally, I admire good old France. Just have a look at it: 25% study Sociology 25% are retired 25% are unemployed 25% are on strike Where does the...

"I've now been in 57 states -- I think one left to go." Which one is that? Guam? "In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died -- an entire town destroyed." He was only off by 9,988. "I had a uncle who was one of the, who was part of the first American troops to go into Auschwitz and liberate the concentration camps," LOLOLOLOL...The WASHINGTON POST published that comment. "The point I was making was not that Grandmother harbors any racial animosity. She doesn't. But she is a typical white person..."...

Democratic presidential hopeful, Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., left, talks with Francisco Cano, right, and Felicitas Rosel about the Nevada foreclosure crisis at their home in Las Vegas, Nev., Tuesday, May 27, 2008. (AP Photo/Chris Carlson) Former US President Bill Clinton takes a picture with a camera given to him by students at the Photojournalism Workshop, a center where high school students learn writing and photography, as he campaigns for his wife Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., in San Juan, Puerto Rico, Wednesday, May 28, 2008. (AP Photo/Brennan Linsley) Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y.,...

Conservatives don't seem so enthused with John McCain and kind of feel on the sidelines this election cycle. Still, things could be worse, so I thought I'd make a list of positive things about the Republican candidate: TOP TEN GREAT THINGS ABOUT JOHN MCCAIN 10. Independents love him, so they must know something we don't with how smart they think they are. 9. Since he has military combat experience, instead of getting the tiresome chickenhawk argument from liberals, we'll get the newer, more interesting "being in the military made him crazy!" argument. 8. Reportedly, he's very conservative on social issues......

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, in response to an International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) report accusing his government of withholding information about its nuclear program, today suggested that Iran may be pioneering development of “wireless atomic energy” that could “ultimately end dependence on oil” in some countries. The IAEA report alleges that Iran has refused to explain its work on explosives, uranium enrichment and missile warhead design, however, Mr. Ahmadinejad continues to assert his nation’s right to develop nuclear power for peaceful purposes. “The American puppets see our warheads, explosives and enriched uranium and they immediately think ‘bombs’,” said the Iranian...

Many people observe this holiday by visiting cemeteries and memorials. A national moment of remembrance takes place at 9 p.m. US Eastern time. Another tradition is to fly the U.S. flag at half-staff from dawn until noon local time. Volunteers place an American flag upon each gravesite located in a National Cemetery. The U.S. Air Force's "101 Critical Days of Summer" begin on this day as well. Some Americans use Memorial Day to also honor any family members who have died, not just servicemen.        In addition to remembrance, Memorial Day is also a time for picnics, barbecues, family...

Humor Key to Success in Politics Melinda Zosh, May 22, 2008 Mary Katharine Ham, managing editor of Townhall.com, spoke about humor at the May Conservative Women’s Network meeting. The conferences sponsored by the network, which consists of more than 1,000 women in the Washington, D.C. area, was broadcast on CSPAN to more than 90 million viewers. Ham, a 2002 University of Georgia alumna, spoke about the value of humor in everyday life, especially politics. “Humor is integral to the fights we face everyday as conservatives,” said Ham. “Defeating our mortal enemies requires [laughter].” Besides conquering adversaries, Ham gave several reasons...

Photo: Brant Clinard, Ahwatukee Foothills News Although many politicians are dumb schmucks, they aren't keen to advertise the fact. Unfortunately for one aspiring legislator in Phoenix's Ahwatukee neighborhood, he can hardly help it. Frank Schmuck's campaign signs have become quite the collector's items: "I put them up on Saturday and by Monday they were all gone. The only one left up is in my yard," said local attorney Guy Wolf, who volunteered to help Frank Schmuck in his bid for the Arizona Legislature. Wolf put up the signs along Desert Foothills Parkway, Pecos Road and on Chandler Boulevard... "I...