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Keyword: humor

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  • DC commissioners fight to revoke Trump Hotel liquor license

    07/20/2018 8:30:07 AM PDT · by GonzoII · 45 replies
    Fox ^ | Just in | Adam Shaw
    The anti-Trump resistance has gone from blasting Russia's interference in the White House race to interfering with White Russians. Fox 5 reports that a D.C. Advisory Neighborhood Commission (ANC 4C) is backing a petition that looks to pull the Trump International Hotel’s liquor license -- citing D.C. law that only individuals of “good character” qualify for a liquor license. “Donald Trump, the true and actual owner of the Trump International Hotel, is not a person of good character,” the petition, filed by a group of D.C. residents including two former judges, a pastor and a rabbi, reads. The complaint, filed...
  • GRAMMAR/HUMOR: MLP (NEVER) WALKS INTO A BAR

    07/18/2018 9:13:08 AM PDT · by ProtectOurFreedom · 33 replies
    The Coeur d'Alene Press ^ | July 17,2018 | Mrs. Language Person and Sholeh Patrick
    Today’s dilemma, dear Readers, is whether to die laughing, or from the abject horror of these grammatic fauxs-pas: A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly. A bar was walked into by the passive voice. An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening. A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite. Hyperbole totally crashes into this insane bar and completely demolishes everything. A...
  • [satire] More Protective MAGA Helmets Now Available For Trump Supporters Brave Enough...

    07/15/2018 11:15:24 AM PDT · by Libloather · 46 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 7/11/18
    More Protective MAGA Helmets Now Available For Trump Supporters Brave Enough To Go Out In Public **SNIP** “Want to go to the store in your MAGA hat, but afraid of being assaulted, having water thrown on you, or getting smacked with a baseball bat?” Trump says in a promo video on the website. “The MAGA helmet is for you. I’ve gotta say, I’ve seen lots of tactical helmets in my day. This one’s the best. Tremendous stuff.” The helmets are said to be “almost guaranteed” to protect any Trump supporter from mobs at the local Whole Foods market, Starbucks, or...
  • Obama’s Arrival in Heaven…

    07/11/2018 8:13:21 AM PDT · by Oldpuppymax · 14 replies
    The Coach's Team ^ | 7/11/18 | Unk
    Hat Tip: Wendy Gilmore Pollak When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the Nation I helped conceive?" Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties, but you failed." James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!" Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write...
  • Ruth Bader Ginsburg Encased In Carbonite Until Next Court Session - Satire

    07/10/2018 11:14:48 AM PDT · by GraceG · 21 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C.—With President Trump now nominating his second justice to the Supreme Court, a lot of attention is being paid to the oldest Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Critics fear that if Trump replaces her, it would shift the court far to the right. She’s in fine health for now, though, according to the technicians that have frozen her in carbonite until the next term of the Supreme Court. As Ginsburg was lowered into the carbonite freezing chamber, she bravely looked up at her fellow liberal justices, who said, “I love you.” She reportedly replied, “Huh?” “People do not...
  • God is smiling.

    07/09/2018 4:19:17 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 15 replies
    email from a friend | 7/09/2018 | unknown
    Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?' Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them...
  • The two most important inventions in all of history

    07/08/2018 2:41:59 PM PDT · by BulletBobCo · 63 replies
    My email | 7 July 2018
    The two most important inventions in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct...
  • Syria opposition celebrate Russia World Cup exit

    07/08/2018 8:32:56 AM PDT · by granada · 3 replies
    Gulfnews ^ | July 8, 2018 | Layelle Saad
    Dubai: Syria’s opposition took to social media yesterday to celebrate Russia’s World Cup loss to Croatia yesterday. Russia, one of President Bashar Al Assad’s most important allies, is despised by many Syrians for its role in propping up the regime amid a seven-year revolt against his rule. One image of Croatian football star Luke Modric was superimposed on the Free Syrian Army flag was widely shared on social media.
  • This hilarious KFC soccer commercial looks exactly like Neymar's flopping

    07/06/2018 7:10:25 AM PDT · by C19fan · 14 replies
    Yahoo ^ | July 5, 2018 | Zach Pereles
    Much has been made of Neymar’s flopping during this World Cup. Brazil’s superstar has spent plenty of time on the ground writhing in agony — some warranted and some very much not. And his antics look a lot like a KFC South Africa commercial that was released upon the start of this year’s tournament. Neymar has spent 14 minutes on the ground Perhaps the most impressive advanced stat of this World Cup has been provided by Swiss TV station RTS Sport. According to RTS’ math, Neymar has spent 14 minutes’ worth of game time on the ground. Neymar has also...
  • Updated: The Pride of Lions that Killed and Ate a Group of Rhino Poachers...:)

    07/06/2018 8:36:12 AM PDT · by RevelationDavid · 44 replies
    Time-Yahoo ^ | Gina Martinez
    Updated info about the very satisfied lions and the poachers who needed to run faster....:) A group of rhino poachers were eaten by a pride of lions in Kenton-on-the-Sea, according to the owner of the South African wildlife reserve where the incident happened. The remains of what appears to be three bodies were discovered on the Simbuya Game Reserve along with high power rifles owner Nick Fox said in a statement. Fox said the poachers’ mangled remains are suspected to have been eaten by a pride of six lions who were on the reservation to protect the endangered and highly...
  • This is So funny- Ben Garrison comic(Pic Only)

    07/01/2018 7:42:47 PM PDT · by Revel · 23 replies
    https://qanon.pub/ ^ | ? | Ben Garrison
    Thank you, Ben. We rather enjoyed this one. WWG1WGA! Q
  • Examining a potential SCOTUS nominee's odd social media habits

    07/01/2018 5:51:58 AM PDT · by mac_truck · 36 replies
    ABCNews ^ | 6/30/2018 | Adia Robinson
    On New Year’s Eve, Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Don Willett channeled Rick Astley by tweeting “People of Earth—In 2018, @JusticeWillett will never: give you up, let you down, run around, desert you, make you cry, say goodbye, tell a lie, hurt you.” Before that, Willett, at the time a justice on the Supreme Court of Texas, tweeted out his son confusing “Eminem” and “eminent,” a picture of three puppies and a picture of cornbread shaped like his home state. But with Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy announcing his retirement on Wednesday, and Willett’s name appearing on a list...
  • One Flew Over the Democrat Party (30 min of side splitting video commentary)

    06/30/2018 8:36:20 PM PDT · by Be Careful · 10 replies
    International Convention of Cousins – Intellectual Froglegs Latest Underground Dispatch…. (ya gotta watch--never seen anything so wickedly funny)
  • Separated Parents Are Failing Asylum Screenings Because They’re So Heartbroken

    06/30/2018 6:47:01 PM PDT · by ATOMIC_PUNK · 48 replies
    https://www.huffingtonpost.com ^ | 06/30/2018 01:32 pm ET | By Angelina Chapin
    Separated Parents Are Failing Asylum Screenings Because They’re So Heartbroken Immigration lawyers say separated parents are too grief-stricken to focus on their cases. BROWNSVILLE, Texas Jodi Goodwin has spent the past month helping grief-stricken parents with their asylum cases. On most days, the Harlingen, Texas-based immigration lawyer drives to the Port Isabel Detention Center just outside of Brownsville to meet with clients who were separated from their children. But, she says, those mothers and fathers are too devastated to prepare for their court hearings. Instead, they replay the moment their kids were taken away by Border Patrol, worry about their...
  • Police Force out Migrant University Squatters After Staff Infected with Scabies

    06/29/2018 6:25:30 AM PDT · by davikkm · 28 replies
    breitbart ^ | CHRIS TOMLINSON
    Police in Paris forced over 60 migrants squatting in a university building to leave after staff became infected with scabies parasites. Police removed the group of migrants from the University Paris-8 in Saint-Denis on Tuesday finding that much of the building had been covered with graffiti and some of the building had suffered heavy damage, France24 reports. The police were met by a human chain of 70 or so far-left activists attempting to stop them from evacuating the migrants but were able to push through and used tear gas to gain access to the site. The migrants were then led...
  • Any African Americans on Trumps List for SCJ.

    06/27/2018 4:18:58 PM PDT · by ExpatCanuck · 125 replies
    Vanity | 6/27/2018 | Vanity
    Are there any African Americans on PDJT’s list to replace Kennedy. If so, and the person is highly qualified (no doubts if they’re on the list) Trump should pick them just to throw the left into a self immolating frenzy. Even better if that person is a woman.
  • Pretty as a flower! Michelle Obama steps out in a floral dress for an upscale vegan lunch with[tr]

    06/27/2018 11:10:08 AM PDT · by simpson96 · 85 replies
    U.K. Daily Mail ^ | 6/26/2018 | Valerie Edwards
    (Full article title: Pretty as a flower! Michelle Obama steps out in a floral dress for an upscale vegan lunch with her Secret Service detail in Los Angeles) Michelle Obama was spotted out and about in Los Angeles again this week, just days after a candid talk and reading from her upcoming memoir in New Orleans. The former first lady was seen slipping out of the side door of Crossroads Kitchen, an upscale vegan restaurant on West Hollywood's famous Melrose Avenue. Michelle walked in between two Secret Service agents before slipping into a black car. She sported a black dress...
  • The Dam

    06/25/2018 3:44:53 PM PDT · by sodpoodle · 14 replies
    email and internet | 11/17/2017 | Ryan DeVries
    This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read The State's letter before you get to the response letter. State of Pennsylvania 's letter to Mr. DeVries: SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified...
  • 15 Clues Your Father Might Be a Snowflake (With Gift Suggestions)[Fathers Day Humor]

    06/17/2018 8:40:20 AM PDT · by rktman · 14 replies
    townhall.com ^ | 6/17/2018 | Steve Sheldon
    With Father's Day quickly approaching, you may find yourself at a loss as to what to buy dear old dad. If he reads Townhall, then you have it made. However, for the few of you who find yourself in that awkward situation where you suspect your father might just be a snowflake, here's a helpful guide in both identifying telltale symptoms and helpful gift antidotes.
  • Texas Gov. Greg Abbott says that he's 'more powerful than Putin' at state convention

    06/15/2018 3:30:59 PM PDT · by bgill · 28 replies
    star telegram ^ | June 15, 2018 | Anna M. Tinsley
    God, guns and Russia. Those were among the topics Gov Greg Abbott touched on Friday, when speaking to thousands of Republicans gathered for their every-other-year state convention, this time at the Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center. "If Texas was its own country," Abbott said, when he was interrupted by large cheers. "Let me rephrase that. If Texas was its own country again, we'd have the 10th largest economy in the entire world. "The Texas economy alone is larger than Russia's," he said with a grin. "And that makes me more powerful than Putin."