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I am so sorry you are embarking on this road. From what I have learned, no two journeys are the same. My mother, who I moved from living 1000 miles from me in 2005, was exhibiting mostly “word searching” and mild memory loss but was compensating (covering) well. She lived independently here for about 2 years but the situation had progressed to where I was there at least twice a day for some problem and I finally hired a caregiver for several hours in the day. She could not find her apartment, would sit in the living room and tell me on the phone she had no clothes and I would direct her to get up and walk in the bedroom and open the closet. The phone would ring at work and I would feel like I was reliving my sons high school days when the assistant principal would call! She would be in the lobby with a grocery bag with her chocolate candy, banana, mail, and a bra wanting to go out the front door to the “other place.” My bottom line was the fear she would go out the door and we would be on the 10:00 news. It was time, and the retirement home thought so too.

I moved her to an assisted living facility specifically for dementia/Alzheimer's. Every day I feel guilty that she is not in my home but that is another story. She unfortunately has what they call “word salad” where she knows exactly what she is saying but you can barely understand. However, when she is agitated or angry, it's as plain as day! She was unable to take Aricept (many times the GI side effects are too hard to cope with) but does take the Exelon patch and Namenda. Drs.are recommending combining several of the Alz. drugs because on works on the tangles in the brain and the other on the plaque. Do they work? You don't know, but she is still in the moderate stage after I would say 5 years. This disease kind of stair steps, and we have been on a nice plateau but you are always waiting for the next drop.

Sorry to go on so, I could write a book. Here is what I've learned and some suggestions:

Contact the Alzheimers Association. They have a caregivers class that is wonderful. They also have lists of daycare, and other info like support groups. One of the groups meets at mom's place and we have our families and anyone in the community come. I have seen the group change peoples lives.

In the Dallas area is a place called Friends Place. It is a “daycare” but very highly regarded. They have a website and might know of others nationwide.

If you do end up at any facility, be a presence! I am their worst nightmare.

Medic Alert bracelets and Safe Return bracelets have combined. I did not put a bracelet on mom UNTIL she was in the assisted living facility and had 2 coded secure doors. She has gotten out 3 times, the worst was when another family member thought she was a visitor and held the door for her! She got a half a mile up the road (great shape!) till the nurse caught up. This bracelet has an 800 number that anyone can call. Just google it or tag it off the Alz. Assoc. website.

Locally, we have a teaching hospital which is doing research and has many study groups doing clinical trials. They also encourage children of dementia patients to join a study group and be followed which I have not had the nerve to do. This is a frightening disease. See if your dad qualifies for a clinical trial.

A geriatric specialist is a good idea, and some areas have geriatric managers who oversee someone with a complicated disease/diseases. Many Alz patients are diagnosed and followed by a neurologist. From others in our support group, some internists and primary care physicians just aren't specialized enough. Frontal temporal lobe dementia is usually characterized by more aggressive and volatile behavior. You need to know what you are dealing with.

Sundowners is real! I call after about 5pm the “witching hour”. Drs. think that the brain knows that at that time of day, the person is supposed to be doing something, being busy. It's when the family would be home, dinner would need to be made, etc. Depending on the day, mom gets more confused, sometimes agitated, and will walk and walk, and try to get outside “to get her car”. Distract, try a new activity, or just walk with them.

Yes, you do end up lying. But if it puts their mind to rest, why upset them. You will be onto another subject in a minute. Sometimes mom will tell me she has to get home to mother. Another time, she will look at me at say “my mothers dead isn't she?”Go with the flow.

Alz is a regression in age. To my distress as an only child, my mother does not remember my father who she married at 23. But like I said above, she needs to get home because her mother needs help. I would say she is about 18 to 20 in her mind. That is why end stage Alz is so difficult, where the brain forgets how to swallow or hold the head up like a newborn. That was a shock to see, I don't care how many books you read.

Please, please take care of all the legal work. Make sure you have both power of attorney and medical power of attorney.

If your father was a veteran, there is a benefit for assisted living, home health care and even for a surviving spouse. Check the Dept. of VA website.

Mom and I played card, Crazy Eights. She is not able to do that anymore, so we play different solitaire games together and she does participate and have to work. We also look at family photo albums, and since she moved here started an art class. I continued that by bringing her art teacher there for a weekly private lesson. It is well worth it. She focuses for that hour and really gets into it.

Any simple chores are great or anything charitable that they can participate in and have a sense of purpose and worth. After a while I had to assist with all the chores because she could not really follow directions or find the dryer that she had used for years. That causes frustration and you just have to adapt each day. If they can't do it do it together, which can be hard on you and stressful.

I hope I didn't overwhelm you, obviously mom and I are in the middle of the battle. My prayers are with you and your family. Please seek support for yourself, too. It is both an outlet and a source of info and new ideas and ways to cope.

There are a lot of helpful books which because it's so late I can't remember, but Freepmail me if you want anymore info, names or books or just questions.