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Posted on 07/30/2011 8:01:41 PM PDT by TheDingoAteMyBaby
I wish I was kidding:
Would Americans increase peace in family life and strengthen family bonds if they adopted more accepting attitudes about sex and what’s allowable under the family roof? I’ve interviewed 130 people, all white, middle class and not particularly religious, as part of a study of teenage sex and family life here and in the Netherlands. My look into cultural differences suggests family life might be much improved, for all, if Americans had more open ideas about teenage sex.
Amy Schalet is a sociology professor at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, via an education at Berkeley and Harvard and a postdoctoral fellowship at UC San Francisco. So it’s safe to say that I’m not surprised that she’s staked out some ground somewhere on the far left of left in her new book. As the father of a newly minted (one week ago) teenage daughter, however, this one has my head spinning around. And not in the fun head spinning around kind of way.
While I haven’t read the book, I am using some of the points that Dr. Schalet chose to illustrate her conclusions. Some of these conclusions seem more like generalizations based on what she picked out from her own book to make her case.
Kimberly and Natalie dramatize the cultural differences in the way young women experience their sexuality. (I have changed their names to protect confidentiality.) Kimberly, a 16-year-old American, never received sex education at home. “God, no! No, no! That’s not going to happen,” she told me. She’d like to tell her parents that she and her boyfriend are having sex, but she believes it is easier for her parents not to know because the truth would “shatter” their image of her as their “little princess.”
Natalie, who is also 16 but Dutch, didn’t tell her parents immediately when she first had intercourse with her boyfriend of three months. But, soon after, she says, she was so happy, she wanted to share the good news. Initially her father was upset and worried about his daughter and his honor. “Talk to him,” his wife advised Natalie; after she did, her father made peace with the change. Essentially Natalie and her family negotiated a life change together and figured out, as a family, how to adjust to changed circumstance.
It is quite unfortunate that “Kimberly” didn’t receive any sex education at home. As this article is laid out, she is supposed to be indicative of the American teenage experience. And she may very well have been if this was written in 1965. It’s true that I haven’t conducted any research on this subject. I am, however, fully immersed in the child-rearing experience, which, at the very least, gives me a legitimate frame of reference from which to form a somewhat informed opinion about this subject.
I’m comfortable responding with anecdotal experiences as there isn’t much detail about the research criteria that would seem to be most relevant to the opinions Dr. Schalet offers. The sample is described as “white, middle class and not particularly religious.” I get the “white” part but am not sure I think that the American and Dutch middle classes are perfectly analogous. And “not particularly religious” is about as helpful as “somewhat taller than a few of the people who live behind one of my next door neighbors.”
The “Gosh, why can’t we just be more like Europe?” meme is a familiar one with academics who write for the New York Times and could easily warrant a book-length response so I’ll leave that for another day.
Another one of the most tedious things about the Times in recent years has been the effort made by contributors to work a left-leaning talking point in any article. Dr. Schalet doesn’t pass up the chance to shill:
Respecting what she understood as her family’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, Kimberly only slept with her boyfriend at his house, when no one was home.
Hey — guess what I got an email about from Obama for America last Friday?
But enough about the hack nature of a newspaper that was great about a thousand years ago. Back to the book. Let us go to yet another quote from the good doctor:
The difference in their experiences stems from divergent cultural ideas about sex and what responsible parents ought to do about it. Here, we see teenagers as helpless victims beset by raging hormones and believe parents should protect them from urges they cannot control.
Or we see them as children grappling with their first encounters with adulthood. I don’t view my daughter as a “victim” of adolescence, I see her as a very, very young person who doesn’t need to be thrown into independence without an instruction book of sorts and a safety net. In other words, she isn’t ready to make adult decisions because she has a very limited understanding of consequences. So, much to the chagrin of Dr. Schalet and many other progressive types, I will continue to parent; I won’t punt the responsibility to my child.
The Dutch parents I interviewed regard teenagers, girls and boys, as capable of falling in love, and of reasonably assessing their own readiness for sex.
Don’t call your eye doctor, you did just actually see the words “teenagers” and “reasonably assessing their own readiness for sex” in the same sentence. It’s probably not a stretch at this point to wonder whether Dr. Schalet was ever a teenager. Her op-ed scholarship continues in the next sentence:
Dutch parents like Natalie’s talk to their children about sex and its unintended consequences and urge them to use contraceptives and practice safe sex.
The implication, of course, is that American parents do not.
I am a practicing Roman Catholic, admittedly overprotective father and I’ve had conversations with my daughter on the subject. We went over every sex-education lesson she got in school, both before and after. Naturally, she wasn’t thrilled to be talking to her dad about any of it but she relaxed a little and actually brought it up after a while. We were able to do this because we have always communicated which, of course, is the foundation of any success a parent can hope to have once the kids start navigating the random waters of puberty. I harbor none of the illusions that Dr. Schalet continually implies “American parents” have. In the past year, I have talked to many parents from backgrounds far more diverse than the sample used in this book and found that I’m not an anomaly. Again, this isn’t olden times, many of us do try to communicate with our children now.
Let us move onto the most blood-boiling statement from Dr. Schalet:
Normalizing teenage sex under the family roof opens the way for more responsible sex education.
That is the second time in the article the word “normalizing” is used. Dr. Schalet employs the tired progressive academic tactic of defining the terms of a faulty premise from which to continue unabated on to predetermined conclusions. And these conclusions only work if you are willing to radically redefine normal as she sees it.
Which I am not.
Wouldn't that be rather incestuous ? (/Sarc)
How old was this girl?
I had an awful experience when a friend of mine, living with us for a month because we were doing a play in NYC, invited his daughter to join us. He did not tell us she was arriving until about one-hour prior. Shocked and disquieted, I accepted the inevitable. She showed up - a beautiful girl dressed very flimsily along with a short, hippie-looking guy in her wake. He was staying with us, too, it seemed. For one week they stayed in our extra bedroom, locked in a close embrace like two wet stamps at the bottom of a handbag. With the door open. I took to slamming it closed every time I passed.
She’d come out at night and make cocktails. Never offering to pay for anything the entire week she stayed.
Age of Consent, at this time in our history, is for the benefit of the chicken hawks.
Actually, there is a dance theatre company in French Canada that does “poop” right there on stage. Part of breaking down us theatregoers’ inhibitions, don’t you know.
And, no I’ve never seen this company in action.
“Why not film it too, and make some money,” I said, as the wind whistled past and the speed down the slippery slope increased. NY times would be worth more if they left the ink off the paper.
"While dating my future wife that happened. I drove through the snow and blizzard and finally made it to her house - she still live with her folks. But by then it was too bad out to head back to my place. I slept on the couch in the den. And Mom made a great breakfast!"
In the 1970s, when I was a teenager, I dated a girl -- best friend of my cousin -- who lived about 30 miles away, across the metro area. It went on for a year, the families grew to trust us (for good reason), and both her and my parents let us stay out later and later. At one point it became obvious that, having me drive home at 1 AM or later didn't make sense. So her mother gave us instructions about what to do if the night ended and I was too tired. I had my spot on the family room couch and the girl was to leave her parents a note on their bedside table.
We were both Catholics -- and, no I never laid a hand on her other than kissing and the usual innocent stuff that goes along with that. I had been dating the gal for a year, I had become a fixture around the house, the gal's sister was already calling me her "brother," so me being around on Saturday or Sunday morning was natural. And if it was Sunday morning I often went to church with them.
I have to admit that, back then, had the situation been reversed (e.g., does the girl stay over at the boy's house because she's too tired to drive), then this might not have been workable. Because the girl's father was the house sheriff and had a lot at stake preventing the boyfriend from become the lover.
Suggest we all look up the term "bundling" and remind ourselves that even in the most faith-based cultures they realized that a certain level of intimacy was needed during courting. The Amish and other traditional sexts used to let the courting boy spend the night in bed with their girl. Various methods were used to prevent intercourse -- a bundling board was often placed in between them, and I was at one museum where they showed us a bundling nightgown, where the girls mother literally sewed her daughter into the nightgown so it couldn't come off until morning. Seems like a funny practice now but we can certainly understand the motivation.
The author is just another typical liberal trying to "publish or perish" and at the same time make some money from a gullible public willing to spend $29.95 on her book, or from Sociology Professors across the country who might use it as required reading in their classes.
This doesn't mean I don't find her to be a pathetic liberal POS. But then again look at her pedigree -- Berkeley, Harvard, UCSF (umm -- lots of gays there) and teaching at U Mass. You can't be a conservative if your journey took you on that path.
Glad to see they found away to keep race involved is such a high quality "study."
Nah, don't give the perfessor that much credit. She teaches at U Mass Amherst and probably didn't get a research grant to spend a lot of money. So she had her graduate students circulate around western Massachusetts (which is 110% white) and find families willing to talk there.
Believe me, if she had a grant from some prestigious place she would've spent money doing nationwide research.
Just another idiot liberal trying to "publish or perish" and get her 15 minutes of fame.
Disaster ensued. The older daughter (age 16) was level-headed but the younger daughter (age 14) was sensitive and susceptible. Within six months, there was a claim by the younger daughter of attempted date rape. The older daughter disputed this, called her sister a slut (publicly), and insisted that she had lured the boy into making the assault. Police were involved, there were depositions, lives were ruined, the family was shattered, and the older daughter did not deviate from her story. The younger daughter -- quite a brilliant girl -- eventually got extremely depressed, flipped out and got hooked on drugs, spent almost a decade in rehab, and is now a hairdresser. They did not come from a blue collar family -- one parent was the head of research at a science facility at the University of California, and the other was a leading research M.D.
I can only imagine the situation, much like Tammy8's story about the 14-year old who announces to the world, "did you know I'm now sexually active." A girls saying that at a party is like a guarantee to have a tussle later on at night with a boy.
In the example I cite, I have absolutely no doubt that the child's depression and drug abuse came about because he parents thought that having her grow up at 14 was the right action. Because we all know that, given half a chance, teenage boys who can get easy sex from a 14-year old will do it until she is used up. THAT's why depression rates from teenage girls are so high.
If any of you are interested, suggest you read the story about the lost teens of Rockdale County. The article is a bit dated (1999) but it's very revealing how being sexually active for a teenage girl inevitably leads to depression or dislike for all boys and men. Website:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/georgia/etc/script.html
Old Hugh Heffner is going to live to be 120 because, like my Dad says, “The devil’s in no hurry for the sure ones.”
The girl was just 14 years old!! How old was your friend’s daughter?
I cannot imagine parents condoning their children’s sexual activities. To me it is a part of the parents wanting to be “cool” and wanting to be friends with their children instead of parents. Parents need to be parents!!
Good point. I guess they didn’t want to venture into downtown Springfield.
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My best friend in High School had a sister who was”sexually adventurous.”Their mother seemed to take great pleasure from the exploits of the daughter.Sick,sick ,sick.
Freep-mail me to get on or off my pro-life and Catholic List:
Please ping me to note-worthy Pro-Life or Catholic threads, or other threads of general interest.
Kinda reminds me of the wife swapping phase.
Anything to push immorality as acceptable.
The NYT is the first place I go for child raising advice ...
Nice rant.
But all it does is illustrate your lack of reading comprehension skills.
And I hope you take some elementary reading and logic lessons before you tell anyone else you’re a conservative.
“The left-wing agenda in regards to gay marraige is and has been that no individual has a right to oppose the left-wing perverse morality in regards to sexuality.”
Which is a lie in itself, as it is no individual that opposes them, but the distilled wisdom of human civilization, and most particularly the intellectual work product of the greatest minds of the Western World over the past 2000 years.
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