So bad, it was good.
Posted on 12/18/2013 2:15:41 PM PST by Impala64ssa
With a week to go before the big day, I’ve need to get something off my chest: If I hear Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” again I’m going to convert to Norse paganism, grab a battle-ax and lay waste to the local all-holiday radio station.
The choir of children sing their song! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! ding Ahhhhhhh… "SECURITY! A Viking just killed the board op! Save us from the wrath of the Northmen!"
The ex-Beatle abomination is number one on my list and I can’t even bear to embed the video. But there are other horrifying songs that litter airwaves, malls and waiting rooms in an effort to ruin this time of year.
2. Band Aid "Do They Know Its Christmas"
A common question among early 80s New Romantics was “What do Bob Geldof and Midge Ure think about the birth of Christ?” Unfortunately they answered with a British “all-star” carol featuring heartwarming lines such as:
And the Christmas bells that ring there Are the clanging chimes of doom Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
Just try to enjoy those presents now, you Thatcherite fascists!
3. Bruce Springsteen "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" Springsteen is popular in New Jersey because he always sings about escaping New Jersey. Santa didn’t get the hint and is flying into Newark unless Bruce can ward him off with his gravelly voice and faux stage banter. This song mostly makes the list because I’ve heard it every day of Advent since I discovered radio. Enough.
4. Wham! "Last Christmas" face on a lover with a fire in his heart A man under cover but you tore him apart
George Michael isn’t singing about Santa or the baby Jesus in this one. But occasionally you can hear it hummed in public bathrooms coast to coast.
5. John Lennon "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" In a world of bad ideas, “Hey, let’s ask the atheist to write a Christmas song!” might have the worst results. As the video shows, the proper spelling is “Xmas” and the season needs less decking the halls and more dying children in far-off places. Ex-Beatles and Christmas don't mix.
So those are my picks. What do you think are the worst Christmas songs of all time?
This can’t be right.
Where is “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”?
Scouts Out! Cavalry Ho!
1. Baby It’s Cold Outside (nothing about Christmas)
2. Wham! Last Christmas (Sleeping around is such a wonderful tradition.)
3. Most Wonderful Time of the Year. (Scary ghost stories?)
4. Feliz Navidad.
5. Wonderful Christmastime.
Christmas Wrapping, by the Waitresses
and, who can forget that philosophical masterpiece,
Silent Night/7:00 News
Yeah, who wants to hear a Christmas song by a communist schmuck like Springsteen. At Obama's 2009 Presidential Inaugural he had up on stage with him his idol, self-proclaimed communist Pete Seeger. There's even video of Obama singing along to one of the communist-inspired folk songs.
So bad, it was good.
OK I LOVE Santa Claus is Coming to Town by the Boss but that’s a Northeast thing....
Worst: Tie:
Dominic the Christmas Donkey-—and stations STILL play it
The Chipmunk Song-—every time I hear that piece of sh-t, I want to shoot every damn squirrel, chipmunk etc, in my frontward.
I totally agree. That is the worst song ever, and yet it always seems to be the one playing when I walk into any store. :-(
“...Dominick the Christmas Donkey...”
I nominated this one over on a similar thread at NRO the other day. I think it’s a regional hit, my daughter’s bf from college never heard it until he spent Christmas with us here in NJ one year.
He found it very amusing, but he only heard it one time!
Robert Earl Keen mega dittos! I think that truly is one of the greatest modern Christmas songs, there is something for everyone in it.
A Merry Christmas from our fam-o-lee to yours!
LOL, good one, who knew it went bad so early!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTGlUMvbhSw
Down in the workshop all the elves were making toys For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye "Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!" The night Santa went crazy The night Saint Nick went insane Realized he'd been getting the raw deal Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet And he tied up his helpers, and he held the elves hostage And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen And he took a big bite and said "It tastes just like chicken!" The night Santa went crazy The night Kris Kringle went nuts Now, you can't hardly walk around the North Pole Without steppin' in reindeer guts There's the National Guard and the FBI There's a van from the Eyewitness News And helicopters circling 'round in the sky And the bullets are flying the body count's rising And everyone’s dying to know -"Oh Santa, why?" My, my, my, my, my, my - you used to be such a jolly guy. Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time In a Federal prison for his infamous crime Hey little friend now, don't you cry no more tears He'll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years.
Don’t know if it is the same as your #5, but Lennons “So this is Christmas” just makes my skin crawl. Right up there with his communist theme song Imagine.
I'm not making this up:
Madonna’s version of ‘Santa Baby’. Sounds like a little girl doing baby talk with a speech impediment thrown in. Give me Eartha Kitt’s sultry rendition every time!
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