Posted on 07/30/2016 3:19:54 PM PDT by Barnacle
On July 28, 2016, at 9:40 PST, people from Los Angeles to San Francisco and from Las Vegas to Reno saw a spectacular sight in the night sky. A bright green light was streaming from west to east and breaking into smaller pieces as it went. Was it a meteor or a UFO? No one knew, and there was nothing said about it on the radio or the internet.
The next morning it was national news. It was learned that the fireball was a Chinese rocket reentering the Earth’s atmosphere after one month in low orbit. Some people thought it was more than a coincidence that it would happen to reenter where it would be seen by a great number of Americans on the west coast and at a time when the sky was perfect for fireworks.
The Barnacle News Network (BNN) dispatched its top international investigative reporter on the next plane to China to learn the truth. The Global Air flight was bound for San Estanislao, Paraguay, Zhzqazghan, Kazakhstan, and Little Falls, Minnesota, followed by a non-stop to the Chinese capital city of Beijing. Upon arrival, our reporter used the considerable network influence of the BNN (and cash) to arrange a meeting with the Premiere of The Peoples Republic of China, Mr. Li Keqiang.
Good afternoon Mr. Li Keqiang.
“Greetings Mr. Barnacle. Welcome to China. I hear you a very funny man.”
Funny? Funny how? Funny like a clown?
“What is clown?”
You know, like in Goodfellas.
“Good flella?”
Never mind. I am here an important business. Hey, what’s that you’re eating?
“It is Kung Pao Chicken. Would you like some?”
You bet. Can I get some chop sticks?
“Ha, ha! Chop sticks? Chop sticks are for stupid and dumb people. We use forks. China make 12,467,384 forks in Year of Goat. We ship 12,460,000 the honorable United States. I have 7,384 forks. Please accept this one as a token of my great esteem.”
Thank you. It will make a great souvenir for my girlfriend.
“She is very lucky lady. So, Mr. Barnacle, you say you are here on important business. It must be very important or you are just very generous to my humble charity fund.”
Yes. About that… A couple nights ago, I’m not sure exactly when anymore. I don’t even know what day it is here.
“It is Xīngqíwǔ.”
Thanks, I’ll trust you on that one. Well anyway, a couple nights ago, people all over the west coast of the United States saw a spectacular green light streaking across the night sky. As it turns out, it was one of your rockets launched a month ago making reentry into the Earth’s atmosphere. It was quite the news story. Some Americans are suspicious of the timing and location of this event.
“Ah, so. The People’s Republic of China is so sorry to worry Americans. Sometimes rockets go up and then they come down. We can not know where. Chinese people hope your people enjoyed the brilliant light in the sky of many of American states. China has many rockets. Some of them have many bright colors and loud sounds too.”
I think most Americans would prefer you keep your rockets in your own backyard.
“Yes. Chinese rocket in American sky reminds me that we are close neighbors and how good it is for our countries to expand trade. It will make Year of Monkey most prosperous.”
Yeah, how do you figure?
“You see Mr. Barnacle, many years ago, Americans only buy small and silly things from China like Chinese finger traps. Perhaps you remember from your childhood giving them to your friend and when he put them on his fingers everyone laughs and kicks him for being so stupid and dumb.”
I don’t remember it quite that way. But, anyway, please go on.
“Then we make more things and send them to America and make Americans very happy. Women go to store to buy clothes like Kardashians. China sends you TV sets and make you happy."
What about the trade imbalance?
“Yes. This is a problem because China sends America many wonderful things, and America only sends dollars to China. We do not know what to do with all those dollars because humble Chinese peasants are too busy making happy things for America to spend money. So, China use dollars to buy farmland in America to grow food for you. Now you will not starve while watching Kardashians.”
But, don’t you think it would be fair for China to buy American goods?
“Americans are too honorable to make things for China. They stay very busy watching Kardashians and playing Poke Mon Go. Someday, maybe China will buy Kardashians too and make them funny so American peasants laugh very hard. Chinese laugh too.
“Wise American leaders understand this. Some American leaders are not so wise.”
Well, this visit has been most enlightening Mr. Keqiang. But, I need to catch a Global Air flight to Yaounde, Cameroon with a connecting flight to Balimo, Papua New Guinea for a layover of unspecified duration, followed by a non-stop to Shubuta, Mississippi.
“Is Shubuta in the United States?”
I sure hope so. I’m catching a taxi home from there.
“It is a shame you can not stay the weekend and see the Beijing skyline from Chinese junk”
No thanks. I can see plenty of Chinese junk back in the States.
“Then, Mr. Barnacle, please accept this spoon as a token of our great esteem.”
Thank you. Thank you very much.
“Ha, ha. You sound like Elvis! We make 3,462,154 pairs of blue suede shoes in the Year of the Hound Dog.”
Yes, I meant to wear mine on this trip.
“Remember, spoon goes with fork like Ying and Yang.”
Ying and Yang? Oh yeah, the two guys who met me at the airport. They were a real barrel of laughs. Who’s their father anyway, Odd Job?
“I do not know Mr. Job”
Yeah, you know, from Goldfinger.
“Gold finger?”
Never mind. Thanks again for the spoon. I will cherish it always.
“You are very welcome Mr. Barnacle. Perhaps you will visit us again, and we will give you a knife.”
Groan
The folks in San Francisco never saw it...too much fog.
I would have been more impressed if we had blown it up right when it started to glow.
Might have impressed the Chinese.
I guess we will know if a Chinese rocket is the read deal when we see the bright flash since it seems we are not interested in stopping them from entering American airspace.
It's my read that the Chinese believe in only TWO things:
If one wanted to be REALLY mean to the Chinese, one big plane should fly LOW over Beijing and drop HUGE piles of one-dollar (dollah) bills.
RIOTS would ensue; cars running over people; children getting stomped on by dollah-crazed grannies. The police would HAVE to come out in full battle gear and MACHINE-GUN every last one of them.
The police would then be followed up by government officials, A.K.A. Chinese goons, getting EVERY SINGLE dollah that was dropped from said U.S. plane.
THEN you would REALLY see some Chinese "glow."
You’d think after all these years, the Chinese would have learned how to use the MRV program that Bill Clinton gave them illegally through Loral and Hughes corporations in the mid 90’s. Bad shot Mao.
red
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