Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

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  • Christine Blasey Ford: “I’m sorry, I have a conflict.”

    09/19/2018 5:38:50 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 42 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 9-19-18 | MOTUS
    Surprise, surprise, surprise: the woman accusing Judge Kavanaugh of attempted rape in the summer of ‘82 now says she won’t be testifying in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee on Monday because “it’s not enough time.” Most people would think that 36 years is long enough to get your story straight. So forgive me for concluding that the woman’s 11th hour allegations might be driven by motives other than justice. …we muchSo she won’t be showing up for the hearing because she has a previous commitment. Or she has to wash her hair. And also, this just in: St. Martin’s...
  • The Democrat/Media’s ‘Blue Wave’ Crashes on the Shoals of Texas Reality

    09/19/2018 3:05:59 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 32 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) But…but…but…BLUE WAVE!!!!…or…or something… – Just as Beto Mania and We’re Turnin’ Texas Purple Fever began to really kick into high gear, that inconvenient thing called “harsh reality” jumped up and slapped Democrats and their fake news media press agents in their collective ugly face in Texas on Tuesday. The first event early in the day came in the form of a new poll from Quinnipiac, showing Governor Greg Abbott holding a 19-point lead over his poor, un-funded, out-of-her-depth Democrat opponent, Lupe Valdez, and coming up with a 9-point lead for Ted Cruz...
  • Text Messages Prove Strzok a Liar [semi-satire]

    09/18/2018 10:38:45 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Newly released text messages between former FBI anti-Trump conspirators Peter Strzok and Lisa Page show that Strzok’s claim that “the media leak strategy” text revealed last week “was to discuss ways of preventing leaks” is false. In this week’s batch of newly discovered texts, Strzok wrote Page to tell her that “the Times is angry with us for giving the Washington Post the scoop on the leak about Carter Page and the FISA warrant.” Strzok’s admission that he leaked classified information to the Washington Post would seem to invalidate Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein’s excuse for refusing to turn over...
  • As Senate Repubs Commit Hari-Kari, Trump Drops a Huge Bomb of Transparency

    09/18/2018 5:26:16 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 30 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Ok, so when do we get that study de-linking smoking and lung cancer? – A new study from a bunch of doctors somewhere claims to have proven that there is no link – none at all – between high levels of what your doctor has been calling “bad cholesterol” for the last 40 years or so and heart disease. That’s right, boys and girls, if you have spent years putting nasty slimy skim milk on your cereal, consuming “cheese” made from soybeans, replacing your beef ribeyes with bland, tough Bison sirloins and...
  • Carter Weighing 2020 Presidential Run [semi-satire]

    09/17/2018 2:00:28 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 15 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Distressed by what he called the “human rights disaster perpetrated by President Trump,” former President Jimmy Carter said “I may have to come out of retirement to save the nation from his reelection.” “My main grievance is the blatant inequality Trump is willing to foist on this country,” Carter complained. “When I was president the entire country suffered through a malaise, but we did it together as one united people. The prosperity Trump is forcing on the country has shattered this unity and encouraged individuals to compete to get ahead. I don’t believe this is what Americans truly want. Otherwise...
  • Dems Object to Federal Pay Freeze [semi-satire]

    09/17/2018 10:59:10 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Democrats in Congress are calling for legislation to reinstate a pay increase that President Trump canceled by executive order. Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-Md) labeled Trump’s pay freeze “an indefensible attack on the hard-working government employees who keep the country going.” The reasoning behind the federal pay freeze is that government workers already earn far more for comparable work than their private sector counterparts. According data from Bureau of Economic Analysis, annual wages for federal government employees is nearly $89,000 vs. $59,000 for similar jobs in the private sector. When fringe benefits are counted, the gap widens to $127,000 vs. $71,000....
  • Constitution Day: The New Left Progressives Boycott

    09/17/2018 6:30:40 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 5 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 9-17-18 | MOTUS
    While the rest of us celebrate September 17 as Constitution Day the New Left Progressives (NLP) have cancelled it due to lack of interest. The NLP views the Constitution, as Barack Hussein Obama explained back in 2001, as a “a charter of negative liberties. It says what the states can't do to you. Says what the federal government can't do to you but doesn't say what the federal government or state government must do on your behalf.” What Barry was advocating at the time, and again 7 years later when he ran for president, was a “fundamental transformation” of the Constitution...
  • Rejoice, Democrats: Your Next High-Tech Lynching Has Arrived!

    09/17/2018 5:09:37 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 17 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Democrats raise the depravity to new heights. – After news of the “anonymous letter” from a woman who knew Brett Kavanaugh in high school, accusing the Supreme Court nominee of unspecified teenage misconduct, came to light last week, here is what The Campaign Update told you we would soon find out: ================================= Trust me on this, it is only a matter of time before… – We find out the accuser’s name; – We discover she is being represented by some scumbag lawyer like Michael Avenetti or Lisa Bloom or best of all,...
  • EXCLUSIVE LOOK AT CHRISTINE BLASEY FORD'S UPCOMING TESTIMONY

    09/16/2018 9:40:39 PM PDT · by grey_whiskers · 38 replies
    The velveted paws of the typing tabby ^ | 9-17-2018 | (As related to grey_whiskers)
    Preach it, sister!
  • Trump Worse than bin Laden [semi-satire]

    09/16/2018 9:41:34 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    This week, MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough asserted that “President Trump is a far graver threat to America than the 9/11 attacks. The terrorists only killed a few thousand people, but Trump has poisoned the minds of tens of millions of voters.” “There is no way that al Qaida could’ve hoped to seize control of the US, but seizing control of the US is precisely what Trump, with the aid of 60 million co-conspirators, has done,” Scarborough contended. “This is a sizable enemy within that is in the process of undermining all the progress toward socialism achieved during the Obama Administration.” “We...
  • The Post-Normal $ocialist: Oca$io-Cortez

    09/16/2018 6:11:44 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 19 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 9-16-18 | MOTUS
    There’s been quite a buzz about Alexandria Oca$io-Cortez rocking a $3,500 Gabriela Hearst, new $coialist worker’s uniform:The New People’s UniformTo be fair, AOC has been rockin’ socialist uniforms ever since she was a wee one:And socialist workers have always had uniforms, although in the past they’ve been a bit drab and utilitarian:But in the 21st century, they’ve been replaced by a modern, somewhat saucier, look for the contemporary worker. Minus the guns of course, because Democratic Socialism is peaceful. At least at first.Girlfriend iz workin’ it!If you’ve been around for a while, you will remember that it was our first...
  • Michael Moore Floats the Dumbest Trump Conspiracy Theory Yet

    09/16/2018 6:07:31 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 21 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) OMG, Mike, that’s, like, ruuuuullllly, totally dumb and stuff. – Fake documentary film-maker Michael Moore is pushing with the most absurd theory yet about the identity of the “anonymous” author who wrote the Trump-bashing op/ed the New York Times ran last week. Moore contended on Saturday that the real author is…wait for it…oh, you gotta wait for this one…DONALD TRUMP! I swear I don’t make this stuff up. Yes, friends, this big fat tub of goo told an audience of creeps at some film festival that he doesn’t really “know” per se...
  • Professor Shoots Self to Protest Trump [semi-satire]

    09/15/2018 3:37:07 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    At the College of Southern Nevada, Professor emeritus Mark Bird shot himself in the arm in a restroom as a protest against President Trump's anti-gun control policies. "People like me should never be permitted to have a gun," Bird said. "The demented Second Amendment guarantee of the right to bear arms clearly failed to prevent me from shooting myself. Trump's unwillingness to repeal this Amendment is the cause of the injury I suffered from my self-inflicted wound." Bird acknowledged that "those who enacted the Second Amendment in 1789 inhabited a simpler and saner world than we do today. Back then...
  • Today’s Campaign Update – The Week in Review

    09/15/2018 2:10:25 PM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 4 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update – The Week in Review (Because The Campaign Never Ends) This week, we introduce a new feature at the Campaign Update – The Week in Review. Ok, actually we introduced this last Friday evening, but failed to take the time and space to point it out. We’re going to plan to post one of these every Saturday afternoon at least through the end of this year’s mid-term election campaign, at which point the plan is to assess their utility (and readership level) and decide whether they should be continued. In putting these Campaign Updates together every morning,...
  • Media Blames Trump for Hurricane Damage [semi-satire]

    09/15/2018 10:26:27 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    This week, Hurricane Florence hit the Carolina coast of the United States. The Washington Post's editorial board charged President Trump with "complicity." "The Trump Administration's failure to sign the Paris Climate Accord combined with the surge in economic activity inspired by tax cuts and deregulation are directly responsible for any damage done by the weather in this country," the editorial claimed. "The steps former President Obama took to subdue economic growth had put the nation on a path that could have prevented hurricanes from being so dangerous. The shutdown factories and lower incomes his policies achieved mitigated the environmental forces...
  • Life Cycle of a Fake News Story

    09/15/2018 6:37:23 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 16 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 9-15-18 | MOTUS
    The estimable New York Times – “all the news that’s fit to print” – receives a tip and the seriousness of the allegation requires them to trip over their ideological enthusiasm:In the process they inadvertently reveal the secret of what makes “news” fit to print – it smears their enemies – and reveals the complete news cycle: evaluate stories and uncorroborated reports for ideological impact, print those that fit the narrative, evaluate the backlash, ignore it for the length of time required to circle the Internet, retract only when absolutely necessary, preferably on page 37, and repeat daily. Oh, and...
  • The Times’ Haley Hit Piece Reinforces Americans’ Hatred of the Fake News Media

    09/15/2018 5:10:49 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 13 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Was that a bad pun, or are you just really that dumb? – I swear I just heard a TV reporter standing in knee-deep water on a flooded street somewhere in North Carolina say, without a smile on his face or a trace of humor in his voice, “This is a fluid situation.” Let the Campaign Update take you on a walk through Bad Television History. – Incidentally, every time you see one of these reporters tell you “Whatever you do, do not go out into this weather!” while he himself is...
  • FaceBook Better Prepared for 2018 Elections [semi-satire]

    09/15/2018 1:44:58 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg promised that "this year's efforts to ensure the proper election outcome will be more successful than our 2016 intervention." "In 2016 our security safeguards didn't prevent all nonconforming content from reaching voters." Zuckerburg admitted. "Some anti-Clinton messages weren't detected and blocked. Likewise, some pro-Trump messages still managed to get through. In the intervening two years we have tightened our measures. I am highly confident that we will have the maximum possible positive influence in determining who wins." As an example of the "tightened measures" Zuckerberg pointed out that "we have banned the #WalkAway movement that seeks...
  • #FLOTUSFriday: Stay Schtrong

    09/14/2018 6:08:44 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 3 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 9-14-18 | MOTUS
    This is not a coat that many women could not carry off, which is reason enough I suppose for the Left to hate Melania. They seem to prefer schtrong women, like Cynthia Nixon…and her make-believe friends in the make-believe hit show:In real life Cynthia’s quest to unseat New York’s governor Andrew Coumo was just squashed. Apparently even New York was not quite ready to embrace her insurgent progressive agenda.But speaking of schtrong women and make-believe, I see Lady M’s about to launch her multi-million dollar book deal tour. That’s sure to be interesting.Because if ever there was a woman who...
  • Mark Meadows Drops a Bomb on Fox News that the Rest of the Media Will Desperately Ignore

    09/14/2018 5:13:15 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 75 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) So long, Cynthia, we hardly knew ye. And we’re really happy about that. – Bad actress Cynthia Nixon turned out to be an even worse far, far, far, far, far, far, far left-wing political candidate, as she got her whiny head handed to her in last night’s Democrat primary by ultra-corrupt New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. Nixon couldn’t even get up to Wendy Davis numbers, pulling just 34.5% of the vote in the race. What the results showed was not how much the despicable Cuomo is loved by New York voters, but...