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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • New Kansas Gov Ready to Abuse Authority [semi-satire]

    11/20/2018 9:04:11 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    Under the mistaken notion that she has been elected dictator, Gov-Elect Laura Kelly (D) has announced her intention to “stick it to the social conservatives who opposed my election.” Items high on her agenda for her first days as Governor include ignoring a newly passed state law that bans state officials from harassing faith-based adoption agencies. Under the law these private organizations would be permitted to pursue placing orphans with married opposite sex parents. “In my view, orphans ought to be placed in a non-discriminatory fashion,” Kelly maintained. “No private adoption agency has a right to deviate from a random...
  • Never Bring a Knife To a Squash Fight

    11/20/2018 5:50:05 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 5 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 11-20-18 | MOTUS
    Yesterday I decided I better finish up any and all last minute lawn and garden fall maintenance. I thought I was done a couple of weeks ago, but you know - Parkinson’s Law. So of course there were additional leaves (and they’re not done yet!) to rake, more branches to clean up, a few more plants to deadhead and…one final herb harvest! Only if you live in a winter wonderland of perma-frost will that last late-fall green harvest thrill you as much as the first sprouts of spring.Especially if they’ve survived several hard freezes and 3 fair-sized snowfalls, as the...
  • By Failing to Police its Own House, the WHCA is Destroying the Press Corps

    11/20/2018 5:11:42 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 7 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) No comedian at the Nerd Prom? So, just like last year, then. – The White House Correspondents Association (WHCA) announced on Monday that this year’s White House Press Dinner will feature presidential biographer Ron Chernow rather than another of the horrible, un-funny “comedians” that had become its tradition. This is all a backlash to the despicable performance delivered at last year’s nerd prom by Michelle Wolf, who parlayed the national attention gained from that night into a Netflix show that lasted about 15 minutes before it was cancelled because nobody was watching....
  • Dem Demands 100% Renewable Energy by 2030 [semi-satire]

    11/19/2018 9:17:26 AM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    Impatient to make her mark on US policy, newly elected Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is demanding a Party commitment to 100% renewable energy by 2030 as the “price” for her support of Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) as House Speaker. Apprised that 100% renewable energy would likely price most consumers out of the market, Ocasio-Cortez trotted out her personal catchphrase of “just pay for it” in response. “The government can print as much money as is needed. There’s no reason why cost should any longer be a barrier to the implementation of the policies and programs required to create the workers’...
  • No Straw For You!

    11/19/2018 5:41:28 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 8 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 11-19-18 | MOTUS
    Breaking news: Washington D.C. sucks! Fear not, local government has taken the matter into their own hands: While Washington, D.C., is the nation’s 16th most dangerous city, has the highest rate of cocaine use and the 49th worst schools, the local government is right on top of its biggest problem: single use plastic straws. In fact, the municipality will now penalize not just businesses, but also churches and other non-profits, if they hand out plastic straws or stirrers with beverages — this includes with free coffee offered as charity. – The New American As Selwyn Duke points out, the...
  • The Migrant Caravan Becomes Tijuana’s Problem

    11/19/2018 5:17:10 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 10 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Don’t go away mad, Brenda Snipes, just…well, you know the rest. – In what is a loss from which the dimwitted people of Broward County who kept re-electing her will never recover, Supervisor of Elections Brenda Snipes submitted her formal resignation on Sunday. It is hard to understand what could have possibly motivated this action on Snipes’s part, given her stellar reputation and the fact that she had performed so well in her job for so many years. Hah, hahahahahaha!!! Ok, I’m kidding. Seriously, is there anyone in America who needed firing...
  • Leftist Anti-Trump ‘Porn’ Lawyer Calls on the Left to Punch Back

    11/18/2018 9:49:12 PM PST · by Loki_McMuffin · 14 replies
    New Right Network ^ | 11/19/2018 | Brian James
    On October 24th, leftist lawyer and porn star hobbyist, Michael Avenatti, tweeted out the words “punch back.” While the tweet was sent to Stephen King it seems it may actually have been meant for the woman he was sharing his apartment with. Not long after this tweet, a woman who wasn’t aware that she needed to 'punch back' against the attorney was beaten senseless by the tiny typhoon of temper that Avenatti had become.
  • White Gov Mourning Murder of Black Babies Called “Racist” [semi-satire]

    11/18/2018 10:21:28 AM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    This week, Republican Gov Phil Bryant’s expression of puzzlement that there is no media outrage over the 20 million black babies killed by the abortion industry since 1973’s Roe v. Wade Supreme Court ruling drew a vicious backlash from Mississippi Reproductive Freedom Fund Executive Director Laurie Bertram Roberts. “Gov Bryant’s concern is disgusting and vile,” Roberts asserted. “It’s racist to single out the black mothers who choose to abort their babies.” ThinkProgress, a left-wing pro-abortion news site, slammed Bryant as a “misogynoir. His notion that abortion poses a distinct threat against black lives is a myth.” Claiming something is a...
  • Becoming the B-word

    11/18/2018 6:38:13 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 19 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 11-18-18 | MOTUS
    “I mean, I do think at a certain point you’ve made enough money.” Barack Obama, 2010Apparently the fist-bumpers have yet to reach that point Michelle’s book, Becoming, went on sale this week and it didn’t mention what she and Boo-rock are actually becoming: The Obamas are “Becoming” — billionaires.The launch of Michelle Obama’s cross-country book tour for her new memoir, “Becoming,” last week is just the latest marker on the road to fabulous wealth for the former first couple, who are on their way to becoming a billion-dollar brand.In addition to a $65 million book advance and an estimated...
  • The Week in Review: Broward County Circus Clowns Dominate the News

    11/18/2018 5:12:21 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 1 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    The Campaign Update Week in Review (Because The Campaign Never Ends) In Broward County, the Circus Big Top never comes down. – It will no doubt come as a shock to all of you to find out this morning that Democrat Elections Supervisor Brenda Snipes and her gang of vote-stealing circus clowns now claim to have “lost” 2,040 ballots during the course of their hand recount on Saturday. But don’t worry – Ms. Snipes assures us that these ballots did not just get up and walk out of the building, which is oh, so helpful, right? “The ballots are in...
  • Orange Man Bad [hilarious NPC video]

    11/18/2018 3:58:59 AM PST · by Claud · 17 replies
    Youtube ^ | November 12, 2018 | Prince of Zimbabwe
    #orangemanbad beep boop
  • Dems in Georgia Weigh Election ‘Do Over’ [semi-satire]

    11/17/2018 8:54:26 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    After all the post-election massaging of ballots failed to produce a victory for Democratic gubernatorial candidate Stacy Abrams, the Party was considering demanding that the courts order a “do over.” The latest recount shows the GOP candidate Brian Kemp with 50.2% of the votes. Since this is a majority of the votes counted it is enough to win the office outright without the runoff that would have been required had he failed to get 50% +1 vote. The Abrams’ campaign theorized that there are more than enough potential votes that could have been cast if more voters would have gone...
  • Shut Up and Sing or Just Shut Up

    11/17/2018 5:48:43 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 5 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 11-17-18 | MOTUS
    I suppose you can keep the fight going indefinitely if you refuse to accept reality. But to the rest of us it looks like all the challenges filed in the Georgia and Florida elections were paper tigers.So when you lose despite getting all the votes money can buy perhaps you should just concede gracefully instead of accusing your opponent of racism and voter suppression.But for now allow me to turn to more important news: the latest Trump-is-a-racist allegation-not-based-on-his anti-migrating-horde position. This is a good one that I’m sure will stick: awarding a Presidential Medal of Freedom to Elvis Presley was...
  • Swalwell 2020: Nuking Gun Owners For Peace

    11/17/2018 5:05:45 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 7 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Hey, who is Marianne Williamson? – I honestly have no idea who this person is, but the newsfakers at Politico think it is news that a person named Marianne Williamson is running for the Democrat Party’s presidential nomination in 2020. According to Politico, she is a “spiritualist” – whatever that means – who ran an independent campaign for a California congressional seat in 2014, and failed. That race was won by Ted Lieu, one of the most despicable Democrats in today’s congress, so maybe we should be wishing she had won instead....
  • Scratchie The Squirrel [Vanity]

    11/16/2018 8:56:04 PM PST · by backspace · 70 replies
    Self | 11/16/2018 | Self
    Been feeding the cute little squirrel out back..... I named him "Scratchie"
  • Happy as a clam?

    11/16/2018 5:34:15 PM PST · by SamAdams76 · 53 replies
    Why do people say that they are as "happy as a clam"? Clams don't look all that happy to me.
  • Dem Antics in Florida Defy Logic [semi-satire]

    11/16/2018 4:31:52 PM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Nov 2018 | John Semmens
    The Florida Democratic Party made a post-election bid to "cure" defective ballots in the hope that a court would order these ballots to be counted in contradiction to state law. Chair of the Party, Terrie Rizzo explained that "it's only after all the legally compliant votes have been counted that we know how close the election was and whether it's worth the effort to try to get non-compliant ballots counted. With Republicans holding slim leads it was our assessment that bending the rules in the hope that a friendly judge would reward our effort seemed warranted." Meanwhile, defeated Sen. Bill...
  • FLOTUS Friday: Palace Cat Fight Edition

    11/16/2018 5:32:39 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 10 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 11-16-18 | MOTUS
    Sure, I know there’s more important news: thousands of barbarians at the gate, thousands of “uncounted” ballots in Florida, thousands of acres of forests consumed by fire in California. But is there anything more compelling than a little palace intrigue? Especially a little palace intrigue that involves a cat fight? No, nothing. So that’s what I’m covering today.MSM would have you believe that the reason FLOTUS called for the dismissal of Mira Ricardel, deputy national security adviser, was due to a dispute over seating arrangements on Air Force 1 for Melania’s African “Be Best” tour. More or less ignored was...
  • Vote Faking in Florida and News Faking at CNN: Some Things Never Change

    11/16/2018 4:51:54 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 9 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) So, how about that Creepy Porn Lawyer, huh? – When he was representing a porn star and suing President Donald Trump, Michael Avenatti was invited to appear on CNN no fewer than 108 separate times. Since being arrested Tuesday night for allegedly beating his spouse Tuesday evening, CNN hasn’t found it possible to invite the Creepy Porn Lawyer to appear on its fake news TV platform, nor has it managed to file a report on the event. That little fat, bald guy who is one of their on-air personalities, and whose name...
  • Wisconsin Company Shocks Liberals, Gives Each Employee a Gun for Christmas

    11/15/2018 12:56:20 PM PST · by deandg99 · 15 replies
    Godfather Politics ^ | 11/15/2018 | Warner Todd Huston
    A glassware company in Wisconsin has announced that each employee will get a brand new gun for Christmas, according to reports. Shot glass-maker BenShot of Appleton, Wisconsin, told the media that the gifts will also serve as a “team building” exercise, according to the Appleton Post-Crescent newspaper. Along with “team building,” BenShot owner Ben Wolfgram said he is also promoting self-protection.