Posted on 03/05/2005 10:25:10 AM PST by TASMANIANRED
The following is a pre-approved posting whose purpose is to offer insight and advice to Northerners moving South.
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
4. You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
5. Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
7. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you, either.
8. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol", as in "big ol truck", or "big ol boy". "Fixin'", as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store", is 2nd. And "Y'all" is 3rd.
9. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!", stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear.
11. Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was purchased.
12. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
13. The wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until December.
14. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed to do.
15. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
I know we Yankees do not have any "curiousities" like y'all do, however (smile)
In me, my folks mentioned in a phone call I said "Y'all" once or twice. But they haven't noticed a drawl yet. And I still don't pronounce my "Ah's" (R's).
Hi TAS:
I would like to dispute your use of the phrase, "Hey, watch this!" Though the caution you suggest is well noted and worth the effort. That phrase is very well known and often used by Air Force pilots and Aircraft Commanders.
Academy graduates and Alums of many, many fine northern colleges as well. Often noted somewhere in an aircraft's crew transmissions directly before an In Flight Accident or Emergency.
Your attenion to slow driving Southerners is dead on the money. And may even be seen in some parts of Southern and Central Maryland.
If I had a nickle for every time I heard "You ain't from around here, are you?" during my nearly four years stationed at Little Rock AFB, Arkansas; I'd be a millionaire today!
Jack.
There is no jackass we'd rather laugh at than the one in the mirror.
I generally try to avoid travel above the Mason Dixon line.
They seem to think I speak a foreign language.
It is the tone and level Southern men talk. A deep, soft mumble that is exactly the right frequency of pert near any back ground noise taking place at the time. How many times have I had to ask a guy to repeat himself?!
And this is just the opposite for Southern ladies.
One of the thing the list missed was a lady using the phrase "Bless his/heart", it usually means a blistering remark is coming.
As in " Bless his heart" , he could eat corn off the cob through a picket fence.
You gotta love the South!
Or:
"Bless his heart. That boy was born down hill and's been losin ground ever since."
Jack.
(when a homely guy is with a pretty lady)
"Bless his heart. He's either got money or a wart"
You could add: "prid near, "shood oughta", "stiddy", "might cood". Or the every popular, Cajun "Wher' we be go now?"
Jack
There are also degree's of difficulty,
Really , really hard is shaving a wild cats behind in a telephone booth.
Oh the image in my mind!!
Or
"Gettin' money outta me would be like tryin to shove butter up a wildcat's a** with a toothpick!"
Either way, my money's on the wildcat.
Southerners also put much stock in their pets.
I had an Airman First Class as a dorm mate for two months while at The Rock in 1974. A Cajun named Blue Arceneaux, from Pass Christian. He'd been named after his daddy's favorite Bloodhound.
Jack.
I went to PA one time, and everyone looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. The worst thing about my trip up north was I couldn't find sweet tea anywhere.
One southernism I remember gave my cousin (who was raised in Wisconsin) trouble was "over yonder".
Gosh. Not much of a higher honor than that! This might also explain Shep Smith on Fox News (an Ole Miss boy, I will add).
I am an apostate southern gal. Don't like grits.
Louisville to mark the boundary of the grits line.
Yanks don't seem to know what sweet milk is either.
DON'T LIKE GRITS!!!!... Bless your heart, you ain't from around here are ya? LOL
Laughing loudly outloud at work.
I think the problem with "grits" is the texture.
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