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Humor (General/Chat)

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  • satire:Hillary Clinton: 'The Only Crime I Ever Committed Was Stealing The Hearts Of The American Peo

    11/12/2018 2:05:14 PM PST · by OddLane · 22 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 11/12/18 | Babylon Bee
    In an interview over the weekend, Hillary Clinton continued to deny any wrongdoing in the various controversies she was involved with during her time as Secretary of State and the 2016 Democratic candidate, claiming her only crime was "stealing the hearts of the American people." The interviewer asked Clinton if she was guilty of any of the myriad accusations against her when she admitted to being "100% guilty" of being America's sweetheart. "If being an extremely likable person beloved by every true American is a crime, then lock me up!" she said, laughing. "I'm guilty on all counts! Put me...
  • Today's Toons 11/12/18

    11/12/2018 3:26:50 AM PST · by pookie18 · 14 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 11/12/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Retarded Grandparents [FloriDUH elections explained

    11/10/2018 8:20:10 PM PST · by lightman · 24 replies
    Blogspot ^ | 2009 | Kate
    After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida .. "Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. "They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it...
  • If Confucius Lived Today - this is what he would say;)

    11/10/2018 5:36:14 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 20 replies
    email | 11/10/2018 | unknown
    Confucius Say. It's OK to let a fool kiss you, but don't let a kiss fool you. Confucius Say. A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise. Confucius Say. It is better to lose a lover than love a loser. Confucius Say. Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy Confucius Say. A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Confucius Say. Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest. Confucius Say. Viagra is like Disneyland ...a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride. Confucius Say. It...
  • Florida Recount Finally Wraps Up, Al Gore Declared President

    11/09/2018 4:47:03 PM PST · by plain talk · 13 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | Nov 9, 2008 | Babylon Bee
    As Florida finally wrapped up its contentious recount of the votes tallied in the recent midterm elections, a winner was finally declared: Al Gore is now the president of the United States. The recount process at long last found the "missing votes" that would have handed Gore the presidency back in 2000, making him the official president of the country. "Well, it's about time," Gore said in his acceptance speech. "Thanks to all the fine people that made this happen. It really is too bad that the earth is going to be destroyed by fire by 2015--err, I mean, 2019,...
  • Men are Human Beings too!

    11/09/2018 1:47:38 PM PST · by sodpoodle · 20 replies
    email | 11/9/2018 | unknown
    A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied "Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke...
  • Truck Tales

    11/09/2018 3:37:54 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 8 replies
    email | 11/9/2018 | unknown
    I bought a new Dodge 3500 Ram Tri-Flex Fuel Truck It'll run on hydrogen, gasoline, or E85. Had to go back to the dealer because I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice-activated. 'Nelson', the technician said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued, and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers. Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven', I'd get beautiful...
  • Today's Toons 11/9/18

    11/09/2018 3:28:46 AM PST · by pookie18 · 25 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 11/9/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Dutch man, 69, sues to lower his age

    11/08/2018 11:10:37 PM PST · by blueplum · 26 replies
    BBC via msn ^ | 07 Nov 2018 | staff
    A Dutch pensioner has started a legal battle to legally change his age and boost his dating prospects. Emile Ratelband, 69, wants to shift his birthday from 11 March 1949 to 11 March 1969, comparing the change to identifying as being transgender. "You can change your name. You can change your gender. Why not your age?" he told Dutch paper De Telegraaf.
  • NFL LIVE THREAD: Week 10

    11/08/2018 1:22:42 PM PST · by Impy · 56 replies
    11-8-2018
    NFL LIVE THREAD Week 10 THURSDAY, NOV 8, 2018 (All Times Eastern) Carolina at Pittsburgh 8:20 pm NFLN/Fox Heinz Field SUNDAY, NOV 11, 2018 Arizona at Kansas City 1:00 pm CBS Arrowhead Stadium Buffalo at N.Y. Jets 1:00 pm CBS MetLife Stadium Jacksonville at Indianapolis 1:00 pm CBS Lucas Oil Stadium New England at Tennessee 1:00 pm CBS Nissan Stadium New Orleans at Cincinnati 1:00 pm OX Paul Brown Stadium Washington at Tampa Bay 1:00 pm FOX Raymond James Stadium Atlanta at Cleveland 1:00 pm FOX FirstEnergy Stadium Detroit at Chicago 1:00 pm FOX Soldier Field L.A. Chargers at Oakland...
  • (Satire) Jim Acosta Late For Press Conference Again After Staring At Self In Mirror For Three Hours

    11/08/2018 9:33:35 AM PST · by gattaca · 6 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | November 8, 2018 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C.—Jim Acosta was late again for President Trump's press conference today after he stared at himself lovingly in the mirror for a full three hours. A breathless Acosta ran into the press conference a few minutes after it started, sheepishly whispering to his colleagues that he lost track of time during his morning stare-at-Jim-Acosta ritual. "I usually get up early enough to stare at myself for a couple hours at least, but I was running behind," he told reporters later. "Then I just kept looking into my eyes and thinking about how brave and powerful and smart I am,...
  • Today's Toons 11/8/18

    11/08/2018 4:32:15 AM PST · by pookie18 · 22 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 11/8/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • For Southerners Only

    11/08/2018 4:30:44 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 58 replies
    email | 11/8/2018 | unknown
    Southern Humor A guy from ALABAMA passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'till she's 14. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How do you know when you're staying in a MISSISSIPPI hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How can you tell if a GEORGIA redneck is married? There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in ALABAMA to 32? It seems they want to...
  • Florida Highway Patrol cruiser hits 142 mph in pursuit, catches on fire [Video!]

    11/08/2018 12:33:51 AM PST · by familyop · 43 replies
    Fox News, Jalopnik ^ | November 8, 2018 | Edmund DeMarche
    Jalopnik, the automotive website, posted the hair-raising video of a Florida Highway Patrol officer giving chase to a speeding car and hitting 142 mph on the speedometer.
  • Ocasio-Cortez has just booked tickets to Seattle

    11/07/2018 3:18:52 PM PST · by COBOL2Java · 81 replies
    Twitter ^ | @ArizonaKayte
    She says she can't wait to get working in Washington.
  • Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for Speaker of the House!!!

    11/07/2018 4:45:41 AM PST · by Islander7 · 32 replies
    FreeRepublic ^ | 11/7/2018 | M.M. Irene
    Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has bee described as the future of the democrat party. I through my full support to the young, well educated, well spoken, Latina to replace Nasty Pelosi. Ocasio-Cortez, affectionately known as Occasional Cortex, is a natural fit the new and improved democrat, socialist party. That is all. Got to head to work. Have thousands depending on my toil.
  • Today's Toons 11/7/18

    11/07/2018 1:15:11 AM PST · by pookie18 · 17 replies
    The Politics Forums ^ | 11/7/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • DU hacked on election day 2016 [vanity trip down memory lane; screen shot and vid link inside]

    11/06/2018 12:54:57 PM PST · by matt1234 · 21 replies
    Me ^ | 11-6-2018 | Me
    While I don't support or encourage hacking, this event was rather memorable and amusing. Someone hacked democraticunderground.com on election day 2016. This caused countless automated posts that read simply "God Emperor: Trump is god emperor and he will win." Also, visitors to the site were treated to a patriotic, pro-Trump video.
  • Pancho Villa was a democrat...

    11/06/2018 11:00:48 AM PST · by jonascord · 24 replies
    Delancy Place ^ | 11/6/2018 | Frank McLynn
    "[An] aspect of Villa's economic overlordship deserve[s] special attention: his attitude to the money supply. ... An economic simpleton, Villa saw no reason why he could not simply print the money he needed, and to an extent the American banks in El Paso colluded with this by accepting his currency at eighteen-nineteen cents on the dollar, on Villa's guarantee. Villa's assault on market orthodoxy was more difficult to handle, especially when he gave the poor of Chihuahua fifteen dollars each on Christmas Day 1913, and then fixed the price of staples: beef was to be sold at seven cents a...
  • Just Look At These Democrats and Tell Me You'd Vote For Them!

    11/06/2018 5:18:44 AM PST · by rebuildus · 6 replies
    YouTube ^ | 11/6/18 | Patrick Rooney
    Patrick Rooney of PRRooney.com discusses the imminent mid-term elections and a shockingly simple method to know how to cast your vote. For those of you who just want to read, you're really missing out on the best part, but I'll tell you the secret you already know but many have not caught onto yet--just look at these Democrats and you'll know all you need to know about them!