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Humor (General/Chat)

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  • Excellent... Harry Shearer returns to Springfield and signs new The Simpsons contract

    07/07/2015 12:36:23 PM PDT · by SMGFan · 8 replies
    Digital spy ^ | July 7, 2015
    It's the news Simpsons fans have been hoping for - Harry Shearer has rejoined the cast of the Fox series.
  • Pope Francis: God Has Instructed Me to Revise the Ten Commandments (satire)

    07/07/2015 8:32:31 AM PDT · by Lucky9teen · 36 replies
    GUAYAQUIL, Ec. – Pope Francis kicked off the start of a three-nation trip across South America today with his first mass, with over a million Ecuadorians in attendance, in the coastal city of Guayaquil. Delivering the mass in Spanish, the Pope spoke about the importance of family in modern society, saying, “It needs to be helped and strengthened, lest we lose our proper sense of the services which society as a whole provides.” During his sermon, Pope Francis announced to Christians around the world that God had called upon him, instructing him “to revise the most sacred of texts, the...
  • Today's Toons 7/7/15

    07/07/2015 1:20:33 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 15 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 7/7/15 | pookie18
    Click on link.
  • How to insult a "progressive"

    07/06/2015 10:46:27 PM PDT · by Windflier · 24 replies
    LiveLeak.com ^ | 6 July 2015 | Pat Condell
    A Brit gives an entertaining talk on how to properly insult a 'progressive'.
  • CPS pension woes made me fall out of love with Mayor Daley

    07/06/2015 4:08:01 PM PDT · by DUMBGRUNT · 14 replies
    chicago tribune ^ | 6 july 2015 | Heidi Stevens
    Chicago Public Schools went an entire decade without making a pension contribution under Daley. It was part of a "pension holiday," according to the report. And like a lot of holidays, it left a hangover.
  • How many iPhones does it take to stop a bullet?

    07/06/2015 3:52:36 PM PDT · by Swordmaker · 5 replies
    C-Net ^ | 5 July 2015 6:38 pm BST | by Michael Franco
    Can a stack of iPhones protect a Samsung Galaxy S6 from a blast fired from a Russian assault rifle? You'll just have to watch and see. See the video here. Whenever a new iPhone comes out, there are lots of questions about its screen resolution, its battery life, the quality of its camera... You know, normal questions. A YouTube user known as EverythingApplePro recently had another kind of question about the shiny slabs of tech -- just how many of them it would take to stop a bullet shot at close range from an AK-74. No, that's not a typo;...
  • Moment American Marathon Runner Celebrated Victory too early and Gets Beaten to the Finish Line ...

    07/06/2015 2:52:21 PM PDT · by Cecily · 19 replies
    Daily Mail (U.K.) ^ | July 6, 2015 | Belinda Robinson
    his is the soul-destroying moment an American runner celebrated his victory a little too early at the end of a race and ended up getting beaten to the finish line by a British runner. Ben Payne made the gaffe during the 10-kilometre AJC Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta, Georgia, making his Fourth of July a day that he won't forget. Payne's ill-timed decision was caught on NBC broadcast WXIA and shows the moment he nears the finish line of the race and slows down, only for British Olympian Scott Overall to pass him.
  • Today's Toons 7/6/15

    07/06/2015 1:19:38 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 21 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 7/6/15 | pookie18
    Click on link.
  • '98 Homosexual-Recruitment Drive Nearing Goal (Satire)

    07/05/2015 11:05:21 AM PDT · by BBell · 2 replies
    theonion.com | July 29, 1998
    Due to copyright complaints I cannot excerpt anything.
  • Outrage as Former Disney CEO Michael Eisner says Funny Women usually aren't Beautiful

    07/05/2015 6:15:04 AM PDT · by Cecily · 83 replies
    Daily Mail (U.K.) ^ | July 4, 2015 | Mia de Graaf
    Former Disney CEO Michael Eisner believes women are rarely both funny and beautiful. Speaking with Goldie Hawn at the Aspen Ideas Festival, he said: 'The hardest artist to find is a beautiful, funny woman.' He prophetically added: 'Boy I'm going to get in trouble, I know this goes online. But usually, unbelievably beautiful women - you being an exception - are not funny.' Accordingly, his words have have prompted outrage on Twitter, with thousands of people name-checking comedians such as Tina Fey, Mindy Kalig and Kristen Wiig as examples of the supposedly unattainable formula.
  • Racist Professor Blames Whites For Her Menstrual Problems

    07/04/2015 12:17:16 PM PDT · by BBell · 73 replies
    Zandria Robinson, the recently-departed University of Memphis professor who described “whiteness” as synonymous with “terror,” had even more old tweets resurface Thursday, in which she blames whites for every lethal riot in U.S. history, blasts Dick and Jane stories for being “heteropatriarchal,” and even attributes her menstrual disorder to (RELATED: Professor: ‘Whiteness’ Is ‘Terror,’ Confederate Flag Represents ‘Capitalism’) Robinson’s blistering anti-white statements first drew widespread attention thanks to reporting by the website Campus Reform. On Tuesday, Memphis distanced itself from Robinson, saying she was no long employed there and deleting her profile page. Initially there were rumors Memphis had fired...
  • 11-Year-Old With the Ultimate Break-Up Burn

    07/04/2015 12:45:42 AM PDT · by nickcarraway · 44 replies
    KFOR ^ | JULY 1, 2015 | DALLAS FRANKLIN
    Is this the breakup text to end all breakup texts? An 11-year-old girl texted her boyfriend, Joey, after she found out he cheated on her when he went to the park with another girl. Madi Nickens tweeted pictures of her little sister’s conversation where she called out Joey for cheating. “Don’t talk to me in middle school. I didn’t even love you,” the little girl said to Joey. The boy then brought up the time she bought him Starbucks, saying, “well you were the one that bought my Starbucks drink so you obviously loved me a little bit.” But it...
  • Confederate Flag Kills 7 At Alabama Shopping Mall (do I really need to tag this as satire?)

    07/03/2015 8:08:31 PM PDT · by Impala64ssa · 12 replies
    Daily Currant ^ | 6/29/15
    Seven people were killed this morning when a Confederate flag walked into an Alabama shopping mall and started shooting. According to local reports, the flag entered Cherrywood Mall outside Huntsville armed with two AK-47 assault rifles, a P 228 handgun and several grenades. It immediately proceeded to unload its ordinance on unsuspecting shoppers. In addition to those killed, 23 people were injured and are currently being treated in area emergency rooms. Several are in critical condition and not expected to survive. The flag’s motivations are uncertain at the moment. However, according to witnesses the flag did specifically target White people...
  • NFL Lineman and Math Genius vs. Average 23-Year-Old

    07/03/2015 10:58:55 AM PDT · by FlJoePa · 15 replies
    youtube | 7-1-15 | John Urschel
    John Urschel plays football for the Baltimore Ravens. He's also a published mathematician. How does he stack up against the average millennial?
  • ***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

    07/03/2015 9:11:52 AM PDT · by Lucky9teen · 60 replies
    Happy 4th of July FReepers Did You Know? Independence Day is marked by fireworks, barbecues and parades. Previously called "rockets," the term "fireworks" was not established until 1777. Later fireworks that made a noise were invented and called "fire crackers" and by 1880 sparklers had been created. How Many States Can You Name? Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about...
  • A Video Featuring Snoop Dogg Has Caused Uproar Among a Religious Group in India

    07/03/2015 6:28:17 AM PDT · by odds · 4 replies
    TIME ^ | 5.008 AM ET | Time Staff
    Members of the Parsi Zoroastrian community in Calcutta have filed a petition in a local high court against the music video for the song “King” by Amitis featuring Snoop Dogg, calling it blasphemous and disrespectful toward their faith, the Times of India reports. Zoroastrianism is a millennia-old faith with roots in ancient Persia and a flourishing community in India; its scripture emphasizes the sanctity of nature and the duality of existence. Amitis is an Iranian-born singer who now lives in Atlanta; “King” appears to be her entrance into the realm of Western pop. Snoop Dogg is Snoop Dogg — in...
  • Today's Toons 7/3/15

    07/03/2015 1:17:48 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 9 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 7/3/15 | pookie18
    Click on link.
  • Dragnet Guys - Schooling Obama

    07/02/2015 5:28:48 PM PDT · by Rebelbase · 4 replies
    Liveleak ^ | 7/2/15 | curatorman
    Old clip of Obama promising the world on healthcare edited with Sgt. Joe Friday and Detective Bill Gannon reading him the riot act. Pretty damn funny!Link:http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=9cf_1435865101
  • Hillary's Elementary Classroom Interview (Humor)

    07/02/2015 12:46:29 PM PDT · by conservativejoy · 33 replies
    Conservative Comment Blog | 7/2/2015 | unknown
    If this has posted before I missed it. Maybe you did, too. Hillary was speaking to an elementary school class in upstate New York and was taking questions. Kenneth said he had three questions: 1. What really happened in Benghazi? 2. Why did you decide to run for President after your husband disgraced the Office? 3: What happened to the 6 billion dollars missing from the State Department? As soon as Kenneth posed his questions, the bell rang for recess. The question session was to continue when class resumed. Upon class resuming, Johnny was called on. Johnny said he had...
  • Google apologises for Photos app's racist blunder

    07/02/2015 2:08:41 AM PDT · by W. · 29 replies
    BBC Online ^ | 7/1/2015 | BBC Technology
    Google says it is "appalled" that its new Photos app mistakenly labelled a black couple as being "gorillas". Its product automatically tags uploaded pictures using its own artificial intelligence software. The error was brought to its attention by a New York-based software developer who was one of the people pictured in the photos involved. Google was later criticised on social media because of the label's racist connotations. "This is 100% not OK," acknowledged Google executive Yonatan Zunger after being contacted by Jacky Alcine via Twitter. "[It was] high on my list of bugs you 'never' want to see happen."
  • Today's Toons 7/2/15

    07/02/2015 1:01:26 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 20 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 7/2/15 | pookie18
    Click on link.
  • Flatworm uses 'hypodermic penis' to inject sperm into own head

    07/01/2015 2:24:31 PM PDT · by dynachrome · 43 replies
    The Guardian ^ | 7-1-15 | Philip Oldfield
    The pursuit of reproductive success in the animal kingdom sometimes calls for extreme measures. But few creatures can match the hermaphrodite flatworm, which scientists have discovered can reproduce by injecting sperm into its own head. The tiny aquatic worm, Macrostomum hystix, is able to self-fertilise because it produces both eggs and sperm. Although it prefers to reproduce with other flatworms, when no mating opportunities are present it resorts to using its needle-like penis to inject sperm into its own head. The sperm then swim down the creature’s transparent body to fertilise eggs in the tail region, leading to viable offspring.
  • #askPOTUS (your chance to tweet a healthcare question to obozo)

    07/01/2015 1:24:19 PM PDT · by dynachrome · 10 replies
    Obozo'd twitter acct. ^ | 7-1-15 | Obozo
    Alright, let's do this. Ready to answer your health care questions. Keep 'em coming with #AskPOTUS. pic.twitter.com/wK8RDF2H0i — President Obama (@POTUS) July 1, 2015
  • Today's Toons 7/1/15

    07/01/2015 3:36:48 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 13 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 7/1/15 | pookie18
    Click on link.
  • Amy's Place ... Poetry and Potpourri ... July, August and September, 2015

    06/30/2015 10:02:02 PM PDT · by JustAmy · 122 replies
    7-1-2015 | JustAmy; Meg33, The Mayor; Trisham; St.Louie1, Friends, MamaBear
    Welcome To.... 'Amy's Place' welcomes all poets and those who enjoy poetry.'Amy's Place' is more than just about poetry.Come in, relax, and share with fellow FReepersyour thoughts about any of the things on the *Menu*. Enjoy! :) Never Forget! Bad Penny Amy's personal guardian ~ the ever charming, lovable, huggable, LouieWolf Many thanks for stopping by. : )
  • Fight over gumbo spices leads to fatal stabbing in Florida

    06/30/2015 2:37:47 PM PDT · by illiac · 38 replies
    AP ^ | 6/30/15 | AP
    PANAMA CITY, Fla. (AP) -- Police say a fight over gumbo spices ended with the fatal stabbing of a Florida restaurant worker and former Florida State mascot. Panama City police say 33-year-old Caleb Joshua Halley was working at Buddy's Seafood Market last Tuesday when he and a co-worker, 26-year-old Orlando Thompson, began arguing about how much spice to add to the restaurant's gumbo.
  • Stop the Oppression! (Funny via Imgur)

    06/30/2015 12:55:10 PM PDT · by beaversmom · 7 replies
    IMGUR ^ | June 30, 2015 | pr0xidian
    View post on imgur.com
  • Today's Toons 6/30/15

    06/30/2015 1:26:03 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 15 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 6/30/15 | pookie18
    Click on link.
  • Greece threatens top court action to block Grexit

    06/29/2015 6:34:55 PM PDT · by familyop · 18 replies
    The Telegraph ^ | 29 Jun 2015 | Ambrose Evans-Pritchard
    Greece has threatened to seek a court injunction against the EU institutions, both to block the country's expulsion from the euro and to halt asphyxiation of the banking system. “The Greek government will make use of all our legal rights,” said the finance minister, Yanis Varoufakis. “We are taking advice and will certainly consider an injunction at the European Court of Justice. The EU treaties make no provision for euro exit and we refuse to accept it. Our membership is not negotiable,“ he told the Telegraph.
  • Australian School Phone Message

    06/29/2015 12:24:32 PM PDT · by econjack · 8 replies
    video ^ | June 29, 2015 | unknown
    While there's no way I can verify this, I like the message regardless. The Aussies have it right on most issues. Listen at: https://www.youtube.com/embed/Pwghabw4N80?rel=0
  • Today's Toons 6/29/15

    06/29/2015 1:16:28 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 11 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 6/29/15 | pookie18
    Click on link.
  • "500 pound" pig found trapped in Detroit basement

    06/28/2015 2:10:04 PM PDT · by BBell · 56 replies
    http://www.wxyz.com/ ^ | 6/26/15 | Curtis Jackson
    DETROIT (WXYZ) - Detroit and Michigan State Police are investigating after finding a 500 pound pig trapped inside the basement of a Detroit home. According to Assistant Police Chief Steve Dolunt, an anonymous tip brought investigators to a house in the 10400 block of Orangelawn. They found the pig in a basement standing in feces. "No pun intended but it looks like a pigsty," Dolunt said. "There's two feet of feces down there." Dolunt said the caller told police the pig had been fed human remains. However, police did not find anything suspicious. Neighbors said the man who lived in...
  • Turkish Police Disperse Gay Pride Marchers

    06/28/2015 11:07:14 AM PDT · by BenLurkin · 9 replies
    Hundreds of thousands of people gathered for gay pride parades, parties and celebrations around the world Sunday. Most events were peaceful, but in Istanbul, Turkish police fired water cannon and rubber pellets to disperse a crowd. It was not immediately clear why Turkish police stopped marchers in Istanbul, where gay pride parades have been held in previous years. Turkish media reported that police said people would not to be allowed to march this year. In New York, massive crowds gathered ahead of the city’s annual gay pride parade, which was first held in 1970. Organizers said they expected a record...
  • Jennicet Gutiérrez, the Transgender illegal alien Woman Who Interrupted the President

    06/28/2015 11:05:24 AM PDT · by dennisw · 26 replies
    people ^ | 06/25/2015
    At an LGBT pride month reception held at the White House on Wednesday, President Obama was interrupted by an audience member protesting the detention and deportation of gay, lesbian and transgender immigrants. It wasn't necessarily the interruption itself, however, that caught headlines worldwide – it was the president's terse shutdown of the protester as well as her swift removal from the White House. The woman has been identified as Jennicet Gutiérrez by GetEQUAL, the activist group for which she acted as a representative in her demonstration. Gutiérrez – an undocumented immigrant – is a founding member of FAMILIA TQLM, which...
  • Supreme Court Ruling on SC Battle Flag (Sarcasm Alert)

    06/27/2015 9:16:24 AM PDT · by red-dawg
    photoshop
  • Calories Don’t Count At State Fairs, Right?

    06/27/2015 7:35:20 AM PDT · by DUMBGRUNT · 27 replies
    wsj ^ | 26 June 2015 | MICHELLE HACKMAN
    the Ultimate Bacon Brisket Bomb, an 8-ounce brisket infused with jalapeño cheese wrapped in bacon and smoked into a ball. It will contend with 14 other items, including deep-fried nacho balls and Golden Fried Peanut Butter and Jelly on-a-Stick, for the Iowa State Fair’s top honor...] ...In Minnesota, which hosts the largest state fair in the nation by daily attendance, new offerings include Asian flavors, as in the Kimchi ’n’ Curry Poutine and Indian Frites, as well as a vanilla ice-cream sundae drizzled with Sriracha sauce.
  • Tuna Fish.

    06/26/2015 6:08:14 PM PDT · by Zeneta · 72 replies
    Me | 06/26/2015 | Zeneta
    Tuna Fish. Like Rino’s they come packaged and present themselves for appeal. I’m not sure anymore if I want to buy “Chunk” or “Solid”, given their labels it’s hard to tell the difference. And really, what’s the difference between “Chunk” and “Solid”? What’s the difference in the meanings of the words they chose? Why can’t they be clearer? “Prepackaged for your convenience and ready for your consumption.”
  • People Of A Certain Age.....

    06/26/2015 10:15:58 AM PDT · by blueunicorn6 · 16 replies
    Awaywardlife | 6/26/2015 | blueunicorn6
    Are evidently not supposed to buy baby food. I went to the grocery store today and bought some baby food. I have four dogs, and one of them is sick and I feed him baby food. I know, but that's how I roll. The cashier at the grocery store was a young woman, probably around twenty years old. She looked at the baby food and then she looked at me. She did this a few times. She had a puzzled look on her face. She finally looked me in the eyes and said, "You have a baby?" I suppose I...
  • ***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

    06/26/2015 6:13:15 AM PDT · by Lucky9teen · 76 replies
    Feeling Silly Today?Or, are you feeling out of sorts and just need a dose? Here is what is on the agenda for today - June 26th: Beautician's Day Beautician's Day is your chance to show your appreciation to those who make you look beautiful and stunning. Beauticians include your hair stylist, as well as manicurists. Their talents and training transforms the everyday you into the beautiful woman you always knew was inside of you. They make you glow, and feel great about yourself. The guys appreciate your Beautician, too. Proof positive is when they turn to watch as you...
  • Want to stir things up? Go after the Texas flag.

    06/26/2015 5:04:40 AM PDT · by MeneMeneTekelUpharsin · 26 replies
    26 June 2015 | Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin
    Since we're getting into banning symbols of things we don't like, how about banning any and every display of the Texas flag. That'll show 'em.
  • Today's Toons 6/26/15

    06/26/2015 1:17:54 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 11 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 6/26/15 | pookie18
    Click on link.
  • Kim Kardashian to Speak to Prestigious Commonwealth Club

    06/25/2015 4:09:25 PM PDT · by dynachrome · 19 replies
    abc news ^ | 6-25-15 | assoc. press
    Kim Kardashian is joining a prestigious list that includes Teddy Roosevelt, Martin Luther King Jr., Dwight D. Eisenhower, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates. The 34-year-old reality star is set to speak to San Francisco's venerable Commonwealth Club next week to discuss her new book of selfies and her famous family. Also on the agenda, according to the Commonwealth website, is "the business of millennial culture" and "the objectification of women in media." Tickets for the June 30 event — described only as "a book signing" by Kardashian's publicist — range from $40 for general admission to $300 for the VIP...
  • Are the good times really over for good

    06/25/2015 1:02:03 PM PDT · by eastforker · 25 replies
    youtube ^ | long ago | hankwilliams jr
    Yeah, it is Hank, says it well.
  • Adult Wednesday Addams

    06/25/2015 7:15:45 AM PDT · by Lazamataz · 79 replies
    A wonderful series was created over the last few years by a talented actress named Melissa Hunter, called "Adult Wednesday Addams". Melissa portrays a grown-up version of the Wednesday character, and does so with such brilliant deadpan delivery and outstanding writing, that on several occasions, I simply have broken down into a spell of giggling.Unfortunately, the foundation that owns the copyrights to the Addams Family material have demanded that the series come off youtube, but there are some remnants that remain. Go see them now, before they disappear too. You won't be sorry! (Warning -- some cursing language) Wednesday Versus...
  • Today's Toons 6/25/15

    06/25/2015 4:10:41 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 15 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 6/25/15 | pookie18
    Click on link.
  • Adopted Woman Raised as Black Finds Out at Age 70 That Her Birth Parents Were White

    06/24/2015 3:05:53 PM PDT · by DUMBGRUNT · 43 replies
    ABC News ^ | 24 June 2015 | AVIANNE TAN
    Verda Byrd spent the past seven decades of her life as a black woman, but at age 70, she discovered a shocking family secret her parents took to their grave that she's recently made peace with -- she was born white. Byrd, now 72, was adopted as a baby in 1943 by her black parents, who never told her that her biological parents were actually white, she said, explaining that she only uncovered the truth in 2013 about her birth after she went on a search for her biological parents' history.
  • Should William Jefferson Clinton Change His Name ? (Vanity)

    06/24/2015 12:53:05 PM PDT · by llevrok · 25 replies
    6/24/2015 | me
    With the most recent assault on sanity the last few days, I think if we are changing offensive names on public places, why not public people? Recall that our 42d president's middle name is Jefferson. It may or may not be for Jefferson Davis. (Why quibble?) None the less, that is too close to President Davis's Christian name (can I use that term) so let's change it just in case. Then we have Sheila Jackson Lee. Now there is a two-fer revision :Andrew Jackson the slave owner and General Lee. Both names must go in Ms Sheila's name. And I...
  • "Family Business" - a VERY demented, somewhat NSFW country song, by Yours Truly [vanity]

    06/24/2015 11:23:25 AM PDT · by Slings and Arrows · 27 replies
    Me, via YouTube (as Hopalong Ginsberg) ^ | 6/24/15 | Me, as "Hopalong Ginsberg"
    This song is not suitable for younger or more sensitive listeners. Or anyone else, really. To clear up any confusion, I write and record my music under the pen name "Hopalong Ginsberg." To create more confusion, 1-2-3 GoAt MiLk @#$%^!&#$%^ (((:{>-<--< spoOoOoOOOOooooon!For a free MP3 download of "Family Business," click here or here.
  • Today's Toons 6/24/15

    06/24/2015 1:23:45 AM PDT · by pookie18 · 17 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 6/24/15 | pookie18
    Click on link.
  • VANITY: Symbols of the Several States of the United States of America

    06/23/2015 10:45:11 AM PDT · by Cletus.D.Yokel · 31 replies
    Cletus | 23JUN2015 | VANITY of Cletus
    The current attempt to direct the symbols of South Carolina leads me to believe that there may an ultimate goal -the repeal of 2ndA-. Maybe "we" as patriots can discuss and provide discussion as to why the separate states should be able to present symbols as appropriate to our location. As an example; The State of Illinois, in legislation, has designated the Cardinal as their State bird. Is this not a tacit acceptance of religion and the Roman Catholic church as the preferred religion of Illinois? I wonder, how many of the 13-colony states have firearms in their flag? I...