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Humor (General/Chat)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • President Obama to Michelle: Love ya boo — but I'm golfing on Valentine's Day

    02/13/2016 5:08:57 AM PST · by Daffynition · 31 replies
    LAT ^ | 02/13/16 | Christie D'Zurilla
    President Obama has Valentine's Day figured out: Declare your love for your wife on national TV a couple of days early, then go play golf. "I love you so much," the president said to Michelle Obama via "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" on Friday. "I Obamacare about you more than you even know." He'd taped the appearance on Thursday, when he was in L.A. after attending fundraisers in the Bay Area.
  • Kim Jong-un: Tyrant, Psychopath, Mac User

    02/12/2016 5:37:08 PM PST · by IncPen · 44 replies
    Kotaku ^ | 2-11-2016 | Brian Ashcraft
    He might hate the United States, but he sure digs those designed-in-California computers. You probably wouldn’t take Kim Jong-un as a Mac user. Usually, in photos of him checking out military computers, we see the North Korean dictator in front of a P.C. [Image: AFP PHOTO / KCNA via KNS] Advertisement However, a handful of photos of the supreme leader at his own desk show him with Macs, leading to the assumption that while the military may use PCs, his personal preference is Mac. For example, Reuters correspondent James Pearson, who covers North Korea and South Korea, tweeted out this...
  • Spain: Civil servant fined after skipping work for years

    02/12/2016 3:53:17 PM PST · by DUMBGRUNT · 19 replies
    wftv.com ^ | 12 Feb 2016 | ALAN CLENDENNING
    The employee of a water utility owned by the Spanish city of Cadiz didn't appear at its office for up to six years and "did absolutely no work" for three years prior to his retirement in 2011, said the ruling issued last month and provided to The Associated Press Frida The case has made headlines across Spain this week, and current Cadiz Deputy Mayor Martin Vila told reporters Friday he was amazed that "a person could be hired for years and collecting (pay) without doing anything whatsoever."
  • WMAL Free Speech Forum - Levin, Plante, O'Connor, Wilson - Sat. March 12 in Alexandria VA

    02/12/2016 6:56:54 AM PST · by SilvieWaldorfMD · 3 replies
    Join Brian Wilson, Larry O’Connor, Chris Plante and Mark Levin at WMAL’s Free Speech Forum Saturday, March 12th at The Birchmere! Brian, Larry, Chris and Mark live on stage discussing the latest news and politics… they’ll be taking your questions and they won’t be holding anything back! Tickets on sale Friday, February 12th at 12pm at Ticketmaster.com. http://www.ticketmaster.com/wmal-free-speech-forum-mark-levin-alexandria-virginia-03-12-2016/event/15005048C86D30F2?brand=birchmere&camefrom=cfc_birchmere_website
  • ***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

    02/12/2016 4:45:22 AM PST · by Lucky9teen · 75 replies
    So, with that said, let's work our way toward picking up some silly... BAD PICK UP LINES Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest? You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me. Can I tie your shoe? Because I can't have you fall for anyone else. I want our love to be like pi, irrational and never ending. I need some answers for my math homework. Quick. What's your number? If you stood in front of a mirror and held up...
  • Today's Toons 2/12/16

    02/12/2016 3:42:07 AM PST · by pookie18 · 11 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 2/12/16 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Today's Toons 2/11/16

    02/11/2016 3:19:06 AM PST · by pookie18 · 16 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/11/16 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Fun With Hillary Choking On Her Own Words

    02/10/2016 6:20:01 PM PST · by Gigantor · 6 replies
    Some backwards fun with Hillary choking on her own words.
  • Watch: Johnny Depp Is Donald Trump In 50-Minute Mock Doc 'The Art Of The Deal: The Movie'

    02/10/2016 2:46:55 PM PST · by Lucky9teen · 29 replies
    Funny Or Die has released the mock documentary "The Art Of The Deal: The Movie," featuring Depp as Donald Trump (yes, really) and a star-studded cast including Ron Howard (who narrates), Alfred Molina, Robert Morse, Patton Oswalt, Jack McBrayer, Michaela Watkins, Henry Winkler, Stephen Merchant, Christopher Lloyd, Kristen Schaal, Andy Richter, Paul Scheer, Rob Huebel, Tymberlee Hill, Alf, Jordan Coleman, Joe Nuñez, and more. Jeremy Konner ("Drunk History") directs, and Kenny Loggins wrote the theme song.
  • 'Aggressive Elk' No Match for Norway Kids With Snowballs

    02/10/2016 1:50:23 PM PST · by nickcarraway · 19 replies
    The Local (Norway) ^ | 09 Feb 2016
    t was a busy day for "aggressive elk" in Harstad, with police reporting two separate incidents within a four hour span. A group of daycare children’s afternoon took a turn for the dramatic in Harstad on Tuesday when what police described as “an aggressive elk” ran toward the kids while they were out on a walk. In true rugged Norwegian fashion, the quick-thinking kids were able to quickly put the animal in its place, according to a Nordland police spokeswoman. “The kids threw snowballs at it or something like that,” Grete Birkeland told Dagbladet. Birkeland said that she thinks the...
  • Helicopter Pilot Saves Kid's RC Plane

    02/10/2016 1:14:21 PM PST · by beaversmom · 10 replies
    You Tube ^ | October 29, 2012 | LondonDaily!!!
    From You Tube: "...Helicopter Pilot Notices an RC Plane Is Stuck in Tree, Dangerously Retrieves It for Owner. Maybe it's the good ol' boy accent or the fact that he never puts down his cigarette while piloting the helicopter, but I'm not surprised at all that this helicopter pilot decided to maneuver his craft into a tree to retrieve a stuck RC plane. It was just a friendly thing to do." Helicopter Pilot Saves Kid's RC Plane
  • The Devil and the Liberal

    02/10/2016 12:51:59 PM PST · by Talisker · 11 replies
    2/10/16
    The Devil and the Liberal Once upon a time a man was walking along a road with the Devil. As they walked, another man entered the road at a distance ahead of them. After awhile, the man in front stopped, bent down and picked something up and examined it. Then he placed the object into his pocket and kept walking. At this, the Devil laughed and said, "oh excellent, very good, wonderful!" The man walking with the Devil asked him, "Why are you so happy? What did that man find on the road?" The Devil replied, "That man found a...
  • NY Times Reporter Mocks Hillary Clinton with 'Caption this' Photo Contest

    02/10/2016 8:09:43 AM PST · by simpson96 · 37 replies
    Gateway Pundit ^ | Feb 6, 2016 | Kristinn Taylor
    New York Times reporter Amy Chozick, covering Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail, on Saturday invited captions for a photo of Clinton taken in New Hampshire while the nationally leading Democratic presidential candidate campaigned at a restaurant. Clinton is behind in the polls for Tuesday's New Hampshire primary, trailing Democrat rival Bernie Sanders by double digits. The photo shows Clinton standing behind two young children who are decidedly uncomfortable with the attention. One has burst into tears while the other, whose head is being patted by Clinton, has a fearful look on her face.It's not often The New York Times...
  • Akbar Idiots: Terror Fails and Jihadi Bloopers

    02/10/2016 6:34:44 AM PST · by Jed Eckert · 13 replies
    Funker350 ^ | Feb. 9, 2016 | Will
    "Fratricide"is my middle name. When my mortar explodes in my hand.. Allahu Akbar! When my buddy point blanks me with an anti air heavy machine gun... Allahu Akbar! When I am so incredibly stupid as a result of uncountable generations of inbreeding that the simple process of aiming my rifle is too complicated for me to fathom...Allahu Akbar! God may be great, but it's painfully obvious that he doesn't think a whole lot of you clowns. Video at link
  • Today's Toons 2/10/16

    02/10/2016 3:28:50 AM PST · by pookie18 · 13 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/10/16 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • What playing old school football was like

    Former professional football player Art Donovan shares with Johnny Carson what playing old school football was like. Art played as a defensive tackle for 12 years in the pros during the 1950’s and 60’s and was inducted into the Football Hall of Fame in 1968. Most of this time was with the Baltimore Colts, yes younger folks they were there first before Indianapolis. He shares what football was like back in the good old days.
  • Report: Jupiter man arrested for tossing gator into Wendy’s

    02/09/2016 1:52:40 PM PST · by Gamecock · 41 replies
    Palm Beach Post ^ | Feb. 8, 2016
    A Jupiter man was arrested for throwing a live alligator into a Wendy’s restaurant drive-through east of Loxahatchee, according to our news partners at WPTV News Channel 5. Joshua James, 23, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, illegally killing, possessing or capturing an alligator, and second-degree larceny petit theft, according to the Palm Beach Sheriff’s Office. He has not been released on bail as of Monday afternoon. WPTV reports that the incident occurred in October, but James had only been arrested recently by U.S. Marshals. Officials with Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission told WPTV that James...
  • Trump is Awesome.(vanity)

    02/09/2016 11:28:20 AM PST · by Zeneta · 144 replies
    Me | 2/09/2015 | Zeneta
    I don't know about you or any other Freepers out there but Donald Trump is the only man that can stop the Democrat Rats that have, here to for, dominated the Media. He is the only one that can eviscerate the MSM and get more attention in the process. I love it !!!!! He gets more media coverage than Hillary !!! Freaking Awesome. The media loves him and I can't get enough of his Bravado and his ascension among their ranks. Nobody can do what Trump does. He is a winner, and America needs a winner to change our course...
  • The Ugly 'SNL' Joke You Missed While Chuckling at 'Bernie Sanderswitzky'

    02/09/2016 10:09:21 AM PST · by nickcarraway · 24 replies
    Forward ^ | February 8, 2016 | J.J. Goldberg
    his one went by so fast that most of us seem to have missed it. This past weekend’s Saturday Night Live had not one but two Jewish jokes. One was moderately funny, notable mainly for the fact that it came from the mouth of Senator Bernie Sanders, during a back-and-forth with his doppelganger Larry David. The other, delivered by Weekend Update fake news co-anchor Michael Che, was far more pointed and may just have crossed a line. Here’s Che’s bit: “On his first visit to a U.S. mosque, President Obama called on U.S. television producers to create characters that are...
  • Today's Toons 2/9/16

    02/09/2016 3:37:22 AM PST · by pookie18 · 11 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/9/16 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Residents Of Massachusetts.Are You All Saying,"So This Is Global Warming"?

    02/08/2016 4:06:36 PM PST · by Cruz_West_Paul2016 · 29 replies
    Todays "Blizzard From Hell" has got to have all of you laughing at John Kerry and Obama. Especially in the lower southeastern corner. So tonights weather event is due to global warming, ha? And as usual, everytime there is a severe winter event, we never hear an explanation from Kerry/Gore/Obama. And we are the insane wacko's for denying Global Warming?
  • Caption this Bill and Hillary photo

    02/08/2016 11:35:27 AM PST · by Cats Pajamas · 60 replies
  • Today's Toons 2/8/16

    02/08/2016 3:58:07 AM PST · by pookie18 · 10 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 2/8/16 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Bern Your Enthusiasm - SNL

    02/07/2016 9:59:08 PM PST · by beaversmom · 9 replies
    SNL via YT ^ | February 6, 2016 | SNL
    You Tube link
  • The 100 Jokes That Shaped Modern Comedy

    02/07/2016 5:38:17 PM PST · by sparklite2 · 68 replies
    Vulture.com ^ | Jan, 2016 | Jesse David Fox
    From the Marx Brothers to The Simpsons, Richard Pryor to Amy Schumer: 100 bits, sketches, and one-liners that changed humor forever.
  • Sad Superbowl story (vanity)

    02/07/2016 1:27:47 PM PST · by BridgeOutAhead · 20 replies
    Settling unhappily into his Super Bowl seat, Himalayan high behind the end zone, Joe spots an empty seat low and on the 50-yard line. He descends to it and asks the man seated next to him why the wonderful seat is unoccupied. The man says: It's mine. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she died. This is the first Super Bowl since 1967 we have not attended together. Joe says: But couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you today? The man replies: No, they're all at the funeral.
  • SUPER BOWL 50 DISCUSSION THREAD

    02/07/2016 11:20:34 AM PST · by doug from upland · 608 replies
    TWITTER ^ | 2-7-16
  • Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at the Democratic Debate

    02/07/2016 6:58:24 AM PST · by CtBigPat · 17 replies
    YouTube ^ | 2/4/2016
    Triumph the Insult Comic Dog takes on the Democrats - hilarity ensues!
  • Box Office: 'Hail, Caesar!' Underwhelms Friday

    02/06/2016 8:29:37 PM PST · by fireman15 · 58 replies
    The Hollywood Reporter ^ | 02/05/2016 | Pamela McClintock, Rebecca Ford
    The third new offering of the weekend, Nicholas Sparks' film adaptation 'The Choice,' is also struggling; 'Kung Fu Panda 3' will beat all three to stay at No. 1. Ethan and Joel Coen's Hail, Caesar! grossed an underwhelming $4.3 million from 2,222 theaters Friday for a projected $11.6 million debut, the lowest nationwide start of the duo's directing career. The news is even more grim for mash-up Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The movie may only debut to $5 million after earning $2 million on Friday from 2,931 theaters. That puts it behind the the third new movie daring to...
  • Jebcore: Hurt (Jeb Bush parody Nine Inch Nails song) (AUDIO)

    02/06/2016 5:40:48 PM PST · by ObamahatesPACoal · 2 replies
    Youtube ^ | Jan 27, 2016
    Hurt myself today to see if i still feel i focus on the memes the only thing that's real Donald trump tears a hole destroys my self esteem try to shill it all away but he remembers everything What have i become my sweetest bro? everyone i know makes fun of my guaca bowl And trump could win it all my rightful place from birth dad i've let you down dub i've made you...hurt (SNIP)
  • Things I trust more than Hillary Clinton (feel free to add to the list)

    02/06/2016 11:25:52 AM PST · by Red in Blue PA · 78 replies
    * Camping with Michael Moore after a night of chili-dogs and cheap beer * Someone in burqa holding ticking briefcase * A 3 am Aaron Hernandez backseat car ride down a dark road unarmed * A 3am intoxicated Hillary driving front seat car ride down a dark road unarmed * Being Charlie Hedbo’s doorman * John Kerry's war record * John Boehner’s dermatologist * Rosie O’Donnell’s Guide to Better Lesbian Parenting * Waking up to the horror of Debbie Wasserman Schultz * Bill sha longing Hillary once in last 30 yrs. * A Chaz Bono E.D. commercial * Middle East...
  • Trump Stumbles But Voters Don't Count Him Out Yet (New YouGov Poll)

    02/06/2016 10:57:22 AM PST · by conservativejoy · 47 replies
    YouGov ^ | 2/6/2016
    Once confident Donald Trump would win the nomination, Republicans are now split between three candidates Last week Ted Cruz notched an unexpected victory in the Iowa Caucuses - and now voters have a very different view of Donald Trump's chances in the Republican primary, according to a new HuffPost/YouGov poll. Importantly, voters are not ready to count Donald Trump out. Two-thirds of likely Republican primary voters describe his second-place finish in Iowa as more of a "temporary setback" than a sign of serious trouble for his campaign. 54% expect Trump to win the New Hampshire primary, where he remains ahead...
  • Klintonerdämmerung (What Really Happened to Hillary's Emails)

    02/06/2016 8:49:47 AM PST · by Enlightened1 · 15 replies
    Behind the scenes at Chappaqua: Twilight of the Clintons
  • Should Marco Rubio Become GOP Nominee, What Will Alan Grayson Do?,Have A Cow?

    02/05/2016 3:55:52 PM PST · by Cruz_West_Paul2016 · 23 replies
    And at this time, we have Rubio creeping up on both Trump and Cruz. So Alan Grayson threatened to sue the Honorable and Legal American, Ted Cruz should he become the nominee?,but now there is a pretty good chance that Rubio may over-take Cruz. If so, what will be Grayson's argument? That Rubio's Parents were born in Cuba, therefore that disqualifies him? Or will Grayson claim that Rubio made it to Miami on a raft? Should we have either a Cruz/Rubio or Rubio/Cruz ticket, let the games begin with Alan Grayson!
  • Dover Police DashCam Confessional

    A video of a bald and burly Delaware police officer enthusiastically lip-syncing to Taylor Swift's "Shake it Off" is getting global attention. The video, posted to the Dover Police Department's Facebook page Friday, shows Master Cpl. Jeff Davis in uniform and driving a patrol car while lip-syncing to the popular pop song -- sassy head rolls and finger-pointing included.
  • The Internet is loving this ‘trump Donald’ interactive website

    02/05/2016 8:04:42 AM PST · by justlittleoleme · 4 replies
    NY Daily News ^ | Thursday, February 4, 2016 | Melanie Dostis
    When it comes to Donald Trump, the Internet can be hair-larious. The presidential candidate’s famed mane is often the butt of jokes and people online are now having a field day with a new interactive website, which allows users to play with Trump’s signature locks.Dubbed “Trump the Donald,” the website trumpdonald.org is simple, yet already loved. Visitors will see the 69-year-old eyes dart around as they drag a trumpet around Trump’s angry face.So far, the bombastic candidate has had his hair played with over 233,000,000 times, according to the website’s data.And, by Thursday afternoon, the hashtag "TrumpDonald" was a trending...
  • He threw a tantrum. She ignored him.

    02/05/2016 4:56:59 AM PST · by daniel1212 · 77 replies
    The Week ^ | February 3, 2016 | Annabbel Monaghan
    I saw a woman leaving the YMCA recently with a baby strapped to her chest. She had a second, slightly larger baby in a stroller. And she had a tantrum-throwing three-year-old holding her hand. She was infested with small children. I couldn't help but stare... The three-year-old was trying to make a scene. I say "trying to make a scene" because he was waging war against his mother, and she was refusing to participate. With a steady gait and an even expression, she ignored him. It was the most spectacular moment in parenting I have ever seen. This woman, who...
  • ***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

    02/05/2016 4:47:45 AM PST · by Lucky9teen · 67 replies
    Lately, I feel more and more like we are.... Trump: "No more Muslims, no more Spics, no more Jews with their dirty tricks!"The crowd cheered last night at the Raleigh Convention Center when Donald Trump strode on stage with his arms held high and shouted, "No more Muslims, no more Spics, no more Jews with their dirty tricks!" The crowd went wild cheering and clapping.Trump: "Don't get me wrong, some of my best friends are Jews." He hesitated, "but you know, enough is enough!"Crowd: "Enough is enough!"Trump: "And as far as the Indians go, you know, the ones with the...
  • Today's Toons 2/5/16

    02/05/2016 3:24:54 AM PST · by pookie18 · 30 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 2/5/16 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Presidential candidate John Kasich vows to reunite Pink Floyd

    02/04/2016 2:50:27 PM PST · by wtd · 68 replies
    The Scottish Sun ^ | February 3, 2016 | By RACHEL GUY
    Presidential candidate John Kasich vows to reunite Pink FloydUS PRESIDENTIAL candidate John Kasich has a new campaign pledge up his sleeve - to reunite Pink Floyd if he is elected to the Oval Office. Republican Kasich, who is the governor of Ohio, faces competition for the spot in his party from Donald Trump and Ted Cruz. However, he is hoping that a plan to get Pink Floyd back together might give him the edge. Kasich said that seeing Pink Floyd's The Wall tour in Pittsburgh was his favourite gig of all time and praised Roger Waters as an "incredible...
  • Why does Christie keep calling Rubio bubble boy? Is it the foam parties?

    02/04/2016 1:32:00 PM PST · by Cats Pajamas · 40 replies
    I'm just asking.
  • Defeat Hillary bumpstickers

    02/04/2016 7:12:12 AM PST · by Cats Pajamas · 33 replies
  • What would be your "Top Three Priorities" if you were President? Vanity

    02/04/2016 5:47:07 AM PST · by petercooper · 103 replies
    petercooper | 02/04/2016 | petercooper
    What would be your "Top Three Priorities" if you were President? (Idea thanks to Nitzy)
  • Today's Toons 2/4/16

    02/04/2016 3:46:21 AM PST · by pookie18 · 7 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/4/16 | pookie18
    Click on link, but only if the poster remembers to include one...
  • James Earl Jones and Harrison Ford devise a plan in 1992 to go back in time and kill Adolf Hitler

    02/03/2016 5:34:18 PM PST · by BBell · 12 replies
    Just some humor for you movie geeks like me.
  • I FOUND OUR CANDIDATE !!!

    02/03/2016 1:24:11 PM PST · by knarf · 17 replies
    WWW.HESNUCKIN.COM ^ | fEBRUARY3, 2016 | KNARF
    HE'S PERFECT !
  • Ted Cruz's Most Cringeworthy Moment of His Life

    02/03/2016 10:49:13 AM PST · by RummyChick · 50 replies
    youtube ^ | july 2015 | cruz
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq_wPcdxBS8 Starts about 1:28
  • Today's Toons 2/3/16

    02/03/2016 3:47:49 AM PST · by pookie18 · 17 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/3/16 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • "NFL 2016: Part One" — A Bad Lip Reading of the NFL

    02/02/2016 5:57:47 PM PST · by digger48 · 6 replies
    youtube ^ | Feb 2, 2016 | Bad Lip Reading
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-kGosnzvjU
  • Goat Farmer Knits Cute Broncos Sweaters For Her 150 Kids [Video at link]

    Goat Farmer Knits Cute Broncos Sweaters For Her 150 KidsFebruary 1, 2016 9:05 PM Filed Under: Denver Broncos, Driving To The Championship, Rebecca Herberg, Super Bowl 50 CBS4’s Jamie Leary has packed her bags and is driving to California for Super Bowl 50. She left early Monday morning heading west trying to get ahead of the storm and will be filing reports about the Denver Broncos along the way.Her first stop was at a goat farm just outside of Montrose.MONTROSE, Colo. (CBS4) – Nestled on over 400 acres of private property sits a small cabin with a lot of love...