Ex-Ex-Ex-Men: The Remarrying Kind [Why do the ultra-rich keep getting married?] (NYT)

The NY Times ^ | January 29, 2006 | KATE ZERNIKE

[summer]

Revlon CEO Ron Perelman ditches wife #4, actress Ellen Barkin, to the tune of $20 million. Previous wives #1-#3 have cost Perelman a pay-out of $8 million, $80 million and $30 million, respectively.

FOR Ronald O. Perelman, Forbes magazine's 34th-richest man in America, marriage would seem to be getting expensive...

...So why do the ultrarich marry, and re-marry, and re-marry? For men who have cycled through what Harriet Newman Cohen, a New York divorce lawyer, called "very high powered, high ZIP code divorces," marriage, more than dating, fills old traditions of respectability, status and comfort. It might even be love, for a while. Plus, they can afford it.

...But for the ultrarich, things are different. People in Mr. Perelman's position, she said, "can get there over and over and over again."...

...."This is a new phenomenon — not the mercenary quality, but the fact that people are willing to risk this kind of money, just to say they're married," Ms. Coontz said. "Love has been so idealized that at the top, the rich are willing to throw good money after bad to see if they can get the magic ring." So if a second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience, as Samuel Johnson observed, that's only more true of Marriages 3, 4 and 5.

"It's ego," said David Patrick Columbia, who writes NewYorkSocialDiary.com. "... They don't think much of marriage, they think much of possessing."

They can easily find women to agree — and typically it is the women who are, as divorce lawyers gently call it, "the non-moneyed."...

[summer]

An interesting article re: the mindset of ultra-rich men and marriage verses the mindset of the average Joe, according to statistics! With respect to Joe & Jill Average, the article stated:

Nationwide, the number of people living together instead of marrying has risen strikingly in the last 30 years, just as the percentage of married couples has declined. "The poorer people I've interviewed talk about waiting until they reach a certain economic status to get married," said Pamela Smock, a sociology professor at the University of Michigan who studies marriage, cohabitation and divorce. "They want the house and the picket fence and two cars; they're not going to get married until they get there, and a lot never will."

[summer]

PS -- From article:

As for Mr. Perelman, Mr. Columbia reports, "They're lining up for him already."

[summer]

FYI.

[summer]

FYI.

[ken5050]

Allow me a somewhat different perspective...These very rich men have the natural desire to procreate, to have kids..I mena, they want/need someone to leave the $$$ to..but they are still bound enough by tradional and values NOT to have kids out of wedlock....so, ergo, they get married, have kids, get divorced, and repeat the process ad nauseum. The brood mare, er, wife of the moment, is perfectly willing to go along with the arrangement, because the kid guarantees her financial sercueity for life..

[summer]

That's true - and, oddly enough, the NYT article made no mention of kids at all.

I wonder if that's because some wealty men do NOT re-marry for that reason, since they already have kids.

BTW, I don't think Ellen Barkin had any kids with Ron Perelman, but maybe someone else knows.

[summer]

That's true - and, oddly enough, the NYT article made no mention of kids at all.

I wonder if that's because some wealthy men do NOT re-marry for that reason, since they already have kids.

BTW, I don't think Ellen Barkin had any kids with Ron Perelman, but maybe someone else knows.

[summer]

I have to say, what I found a bit sad about this article, as per the paragraph mentioned in my post #1, is that today, the average couple feels that until they have enough money to make, they have to keep postphoning marriage. I also think this is a big result of the Women's Movement in the 1970's, when many girls were taught: DO NOT MARRY UNLESS YOU CAN AFFORD TO SUPPORT YOURSELF AFTER DIVORCE. Girls were not taught to look for the guy wtiih $20 million in that era. And, so, being unable to then make it financially, a lot of women never married. I think I have read there are more unmarried, single, never married women today in the US than at any time in history. And, it's not because they are all unattractive. It's because they took to heart this advice of the Women's Movement and waited, and waited, and then realized too late: they couldn't make it financially. It's very sad. I think this is why white women have the lowest reproduction rate, something like 1.2 kids in this country.

[summer]

I meant to type: ...they have enough money to make it, they have to keep postponing marriage...

[summer]

But, the Ellen Barkins of the world maybe had the right idea: go find the guy willing to hand over $20 million to you, up front-- and don't worry about anything else!

[Lokibob]

I believe we are a monogamous species. However, we have developed into serial monogamy.

The first spouse is to get the wildness out of your system, the second is to raise the children, and the third is to get you thru old age.

[summer]

LOL...I find your "serial" label there to be quite amusing, since it seems so accurate for the rich!

I was also thinking about the fact that now, more and more, you see news reporting how married couples acquire much more wealth than their single counterparts, on average; and how Gloria Steinam recently married -- and now, she is a big advocate of marriage. A little late for many women who remember being greatly influenced by Gloria in the past! Work/work/work is all a lot of women did, and then found out: because they were in these low-paying, pink-collar ghetto careers like nursing and teaching, they got nowehere.

[ovrtaxt]

These guys are morons. A friend of mine is fairly wealthy, and he's been through four marriages. He laughs at me, happily married to wife number one for 13 years and counting- says I'm not generous enough.

[Lokibob]

Do you remember the Doris Day (I'm really old) movie "The 7 Year Itch"? It was about how at the 7th year of marriage, both sides seem to start looking around for someone else.

I have observed that approximately the 7th year of any marriage is the roughest.

[MHT]

There are many couples in England that are "partners" instead of spouses, complete with home ownership, children, etc. One company there told its employees that unmarried couples would not be allowed to stay together at overnight meetings, which inspired a few to get married. Ironically, those who did marry improved in their job (and consequent financial) performance.

In other words, it was the commitment of marriage that made them successful. Waiting for success before marriage was the exact wrong way to reach the goal line.

[Lokibob]

OOPS, Sorry, it was a Marilyn Monroe movie:

Plot Outline: When his family goes away for the summer, a so far faithful husband is tempted by a beautiful neighbor (Marilyn Monroe).

[carlr]

I wonder if it is because with wealth comes the ability to have about every material want that they can imagine.
As such they may not develop an appreciation for anything they have,growing bored and moving on to the next whim.

I would suspect that this applies to either gender.

Remember the saying "money does`nt buy happiness".

[rrrod]

Cuz we can!

[summer]

I think you're right in everything you said in your post, especially this:

Remember the saying "money does`nt buy happiness".

On the other hand, money can buy a lot that is worthwhile, especially in this country: better health care, etc.

So while it can't buy "happiness" I don't know of anyone who says it's better to be poor than rich.

It's funny when I think about these matters in terms of teaching -- because in that situation, let's say you can and do turn out a classroom full of Bill Gates every year. Let's just pretend there is a teacher who can do that. Well -- so what? Does that teacher ever share in .01% of the mega-bucks a Bill Gates will then make? No, you do everything out of "the goodness of your heart." But the rest of the world does not operate that way. The rest of the world wants a percentage if they contribute to the selling of your art, your book, your home, whatever. The rest of the world makes a living not out of the "goodness of its heart" but out of the nuts and bolts of the bottom line. In teaching and other such professions, you can be "happy" but also after awhile, you begin to realize: The meek may inherit the world, but perhaps those like Ellen Barkin are the really bright women, because they will be living well right here on earth. Just rants, and rambling here! :)

[summer]

In other words, it was the commitment of marriage that made them successful. Waiting for success before marriage was the exact wrong way to reach the goal line.

I think that was the philosophy of another era, like my parents' generation, and I think that is a good philosophy. But, I do think there was a movement to get away from that in more recent decades -- though it may now be slowly starting to swing back that way for younger people today.