Posted on 03/03/2006 9:15:00 AM PST by Canedawg
I havent had to go thru this since my dog died 20 years ago. And he went down so fast, the decision was a no-brainer.
So this kitty is 15, mostly siamese, white with blue eyes. He's been having violent seizures (six in the past 6 months)and kidny failure. I give him intravenous fluids, and the kidneys are stabilizing, but he has been losing weight, eating less, stopped sitting on my lap, and has had very flat affect the past few weeks. He's very lethargic, and so I have resisted putting him on phenobarbitol to control the seizures, but I may start that.
He doesnt seem happy, and his hind legs are going- he's wobbly and gimpy- just very fragile.
But, when I watch him resting comfortably, sleeping, and when he meets me at the door when I come home from work, the guilt pangs hit me as to why should I make a decision to take his little life away from him?
I am divorced, live alone, and dont get a lot of emotional support from any real support group to speak of.
I'm truly at a crossroads here. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Cripes this makes me sad.
My experience is that when kitty starts to barely move around, and hide - ours tend to go under a bed in the spare bedroom - it's time. Still meeting you at the door, to me at least, is a good thing. The seizures *are* worse for you than kitty.
I always stay at the end. My vet hates doing it, but she's good and they just slip away. It's hell on me but I figure kitty deserves it.
I understand what you are going through. In August 2005, I had to put my dear Taffy down for the same disease. She was 18 years old and even with the subcutaneous fluids and other medications, her quality of life was going downhill. It was the worse moment of my life but I held her and let her know I was there till the end.
I had a hard time letting go and I probably should have done it sooner. I just couldn't stand losing that part of my life. I emphasize with you and with the decision that you now have to make.
After a month of giving him phenobarbitol, and continuing the subcutaneous fluids three times a week, I did have to put down my little friend on Friday.
It's very difficult, and there is guilt, and a heavy heart, and all the other whirlwind emotions that go along with it.
It is just so heart-wrenching.
I can't walk in your shoes and I can only imagine the emotions, but please do let the guilt emotion fade quickly. Your cat would be very upset knowing you felt guilt when all you did was help. You dug deep for the courage that allowed you to help.
What would he have done without you?
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