Man, I’ll tell ya, women can be cold until the end!
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, ‘I’ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.’
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
‘Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a martini.’
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis.
They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, ‘I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.’
The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, ‘Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?’
‘Because I don’t want any of them sleeping with your father after I’m gone.’
And THAT, my friends, is what is called,
‘Putting Your Affairs In Order.’
One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in ‘Slim Fast’. Maybe it would take a few inches off your butt.”
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couln’t let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. “What the Hell is this?” he said to himself as a little ‘dust’ cloud appeared when he shook them out.
‘April’’, he hollered into the bathroom, “Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?”
She replied with a snigger, “It’s not talcum powder; it’s ‘Miracle Grow’????
LOL!! :)