A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle.
Only one question confused him. “Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?”
“I’ve got a kickstand,” the prospect replied. “Is that the same thing?”
***
“My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
***
Quote
“I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.” ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
***
“Coworker Support”
One day at the veterinarian’s office where I take my dog, a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring. After a few tense moments, a technician came to her co-worker’s defense.
“Sir,” she interjected, “are you aware of what happens to aggressive males in this office?”
***
“Homework Excuses”
Excuses to give your teacher when you don’t do your homework.
- I didn’t do my history homework because I don’t believe in dwelling on the past.
- I didn’t want the other kids in the class to look bad.
- A sudden gust of wind blew my homework out of my hand and I never saw it again.
- Another pupil fell in a lake and I jumped in to rescue him. Unfortunately, my homework drowned.
- Our furnace broke and we had to burn my homework to keep ourselves from freezing.
- I’m not at liberty to say why.
- I wanted to frame the detention letter you’re about to give me.
- It was destroyed in a freak accident involving a hippo, a toaster, and a bag of frozen peas. You don’t want to know the details.
- I have a solar-powered calculator, and it was cloudy.
- I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.
- My mom used it as a dryer sheet.
- My agent won’t allow me to publish my homework until the movie deal is finalized.
- It’s against my religion to do any homework.
- I was abducted by green-skinned, three-eyed, pig-snouted space aliens, and they incinerated my homework with their death rays.
- I felt it wasn’t challenging enough.
- My parents were sick and unable to do my homework last night. Don’t worry, they have been suitably punished.
- We had homework?!
- I see your lips moving, but all I am hearing is “blah, blah, blah.”
- I didn’t want to add to your already heavy workload.
- I spent the night at a rally supporting higher pay for our hard-working teachers.
"So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner-nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens."
2 Corinthians 4:16; 2 Corinthians 5:1
A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."
Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."
"You don't know? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"
The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side of which came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing...I know my Master is there and that is enough."
May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that your dear ones are safe and with God.
PRAYER:
On this Memorial Day, I am praying with all those that have passed on to the other side, and those that are left behind to treasure their memory.
I pray for those that have given their lives in service to our great land. We pray that God will bless and keep our loved ones enfolded in God's loving presence.
In Jesus Christ's name I pray
Amen