The Best and Funniest Country (esp. the South and Mid-West) Expressions [Vanity]

Pharmboy | 9-21-12 | Everyone

[5Madman2]

Another favorite from Dad:

“He ain’t an a$$hole, he’s a hemmorhoid.

A$$holes serve a purpose in life. They evacuate waste. He is a bloated puss filled thing that painfully blocks progress”

[CatherineofAragon]

Almost forgot....my mom, seeing Alan Colmes for the first time on Fox News: “That man looks like a frog peeping through ice!”

[gopwhit]

“He’s as crooked as a fish hook.”

Ha - and my Dad would say “He’s as crooked as a politician” describing anyone with questionable character.

[llevrok]

another Texas saying

Rainin' harder than a horse p*ssin' on a ceeement slab

[llevrok]

“Nervous as a whore in church.”

Also a variant of that, in regards to a hot day, as "sweatin' more than a whore in church

[CatherineofAragon]

LOL, it fits

[Sparky21555]

(Looking at your pants)

Say hello to crackers.

[llevrok]

“happy as a peetie bird”
“he don’t know up from izzard”
“saucered and blowed” (a texas style of coffee drinking from a saucer,not cup)
Every things ticket boo (a Canadian saying meaning all is better than OK)

[Carriage Hill]

“That’ll go over like a fart in church.”

“Colder than a well-digger’s ass in January.”

[davetex]

Hanging in there like a loose tooth in a hockey player.

[llevrok]

from south Georgia, I was once given lessons in pronunciation:

"Honey, a pee can is something you put beside your bed at night. A Pecan (pee con) is something you eat.

[llevrok]

From western Washington state (as a boy)

Now you're loggin' with steam! (as in doing great, In the real old days, logging was done with mules, ox and a lot of grumpy Swedes before steam power was introduced.

[llevrok]

he looks like 100 miles of bad road
he’s crookeder than a country road.

[yarddog]

I remember a bunch of young people explaining how to pronounce pecan.

I am from the Florida Panhandle and we say Pee Con. A little girl from Jesup, Georgia said Pee Can. I guess even in South Georgia some pronounce it differently.

[llevrok]

tighter than a crab’s ass at 6 fathoms (why 6 and not 4 or 20, I dont know?)

[llevrok]

slower than yesterday’s gravy

[Grammy]

My sis in law, referring to an older gentleman, said “you can’t shoot pool with a rope.”

My granddaddy, rather than call BS, would say “horsefeathers”.

[llevrok]

Don't ever want to hear that said to you.

Yup. Usually means a slam is coming so head for cover. And that slam is usually delivered by the sweetest southern lady you ever met - 'till now.

[llevrok]

or his brain was like a BB in a box car

[SunkenCiv]

“Busier than a one-legged [victimized class here] in an ass-kickin’ contest.”