***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

In an opening sketch of “Saturday Night Live”, a guest, depicting President Obama using a mask, arrives at a mock Halloween party thrown by Hillary and Bill Clinton.

As the actor peels off the mask the crowd goes wild. The mystery character is none other than PRESIDENT OBAMA HIMSELF!

MASKED

That’s right, Obama was wearing an Obama mask on Saturday Night Live.

Obama says on the show:

“Well, you know, Hillary, I have nothing to hide. I enjoy being myself. I am not going to change who I am just because it’s Halloween.”

Obama hasn’t really changed much. He says he has nothing to hide, but then again, it’s hard to really know if what’s he saying is bluff or real.

Watch as President Obama makes the appearance on Saturday Night Live.

[llevrok]

My all time favorite (in honor of National Tell a Joke Day)

A man has had enough. For years, he's worked to be a success. His wife and family don't appreciate him. They say he's not keeping up with the Joneses. He's passed over for one promotion after another at work! All this effort to be something and and this is all there is? There must be some meaning to life! So he decides to follow a simple life and joins a monastery.

When he decides to do so, the head Monk tells him that they have only a few rules. Work hard, but do not talk. You will take a vow of silence. “But,”, says the monk, “Once a year you will be allowed to say TWO words.”

All goes well the first year. The new monk is finding the vow of silence not hard to follow. It's now the day that he gets to say his annual two words.

“And what do you want to say, Brother? Remember, only two words”, says the head monk.

“Food cold”, replies the novice monk.

“So noted”, says the head monk. I'll see you next year”

The next year goes by, much like the first. It is now time for his annual two words. “And what might they be?”, asks the head monk.

“Bed hard”, replies the novice monk.

“So noted”, replies the head monk. “Keep up the good work and I'll see you next year”.

The third year goes by in a flash. It's now that time for the two words. “Ok my Brother. And what are your two words this year?”

“I quit!” says the novice Monk.

“Well, that doesn't surprise me.”, says the head monk. “It's been bitch bitch bitch ever since you got here!”

[SMARTY]

They don't have anything over on this broad.....

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

Who’s the contemptible scoundrel who stole the cork from my lunch?

[Darksheare]

It’s not my fault!

[Lucky9teen]

[Darksheare]

That sounds suspiciously like the reasoning of many people in NY.

[relentlessly]

This scene will probably not make it into the pending movies...

Hillary Clinton went to a plastic surgeon...

“What can I do for you Madam Secretary?” asked the surgeon.

“I want you to give me a penis” Said Hillary. “I have always dreamed of having one.”

“Testicles and All?”

“Yes, Testicles and All”

“OK” said the Doc, “But you should have come in much sooner”

“Why, am I too old for the operation?”

“No, but I’m willing to bet that if you had a set of balls a year ago, four people, including U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens would probably still be alive today”

[relentlessly]

[relentlessly]

What’s the smallest unit of time in the known universe?

The period between a politician being asked a question, and lying.

[relentlessly]

[Ditter]

She had 13 suns I only had 2, not fair! snort)))):)

[Lucky9teen]

[N. Theknow]

[little jeremiah]

The main difference is the real Rachel has much nicer skin.

[Darksheare]

“Ho! Ho! Ho! Un Gee Wongy! Neena lolo Solo!”

[verga]

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he
realizes it’s a gay
bar.

“What the heck,” he says to himself, “I really want a
drink.”

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy,
“What’s the name of your willy?”

The cowboy says, “Look, I’m not into any of that. All
I want is a drink.”

The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you
until you tell me
the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called
NIKE, for the slogan
‘Just Do It.’ That guy down at the end of the bar
calls his SNICKERS,
because ‘It really Satisfies.’ “

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells
him he will give him a second to think it over. So the
cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping
on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?”

The man looks back and says with a smile, “TIMEX.”

The thirsty cowboy asks, “Why Timex?”

The fella proudly replies, “ ‘Cause it takes a lickin’
and keeps on
tickin!’

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his
right, who happen
to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, “So, what
do you guys call
yours?”

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims,
“FORD, because “’Quality is Job One” “ Then he adds,
“Have you driven a Ford lately?”

The guy next to him then says, “I call mine
CHEVY.....’Like a Rock!’ And
gives a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment
before he comes up with a name for his manhood.
Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims “The
name of my willy is SECRET. Now give
me a beer.”

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but
with a puzzled look asks “Why Secret?”

The cowboy says, “Because it’s ‘STRONG ENOUGH FOR A
MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!!!!!

[N. Theknow]

Life imitates art.

[Lucky9teen]

[Monkey Face]

Ohmy! LOL!