Beware Of The 5 lb. Bag Of Sugarless Gummy Bears (Truncated)

I just posted my entry:

Being a Type-2 diabetic, I thought it would be wise to buy these gummy bears, since they were sugar free. I did note the warning, that it may cause stomach discomfort and some laxative effect. I ignored the warning and ate a half of a bag. After all, I have experience with sugar free products!

To call what occurred next, "stomach discomfort and some laxative effect", is like calling a global pandemic of H5N9 Flu 'a slight case of the sniffles'.

My stomach began rumbling and churning like the Yellowstone Caldera in a Supervolcano event. The waves of spasms were pure torture, and only my complete incapacity and inability to move prevented me from eating a bullet from my Glock. I simply could not get to the gun.

I believe I actually twisted around several times, like you would twist-wring out a washcloth, and then, without warning, it happened. I began launching feces out my butthole at near-supersonic levels of speed, which literally tore holes in my jeans, then the roof, and according to NASA and NORAD, these feces have now entered a geosynchronous orbit -- possibly endangering several communications satellites.

But it did not end there.

Soon, I was crapping SO HARD and SO THOROUGHLY, that with a loud POP, my body literally inverted. My insides are now all on the outside, and my skin is now where my internal organs are.

I am undergoing surgery in a few days to rectify this condition.

Consider a smaller dose if you are undergoing a colonoscopy soon, and wish to avoid the cost of the colon prep. It will work just as well, cheaper.

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