My New NFL Rules

February 15, 2014 | Doc Savage

[Doc Savage]

If I may, can I suggest a few NEW rules for the upcoming NFL season? I may? Why thank you!

1. All kick-offs following a touchdown as well as the kick-offs beginning the game and the second half will be kicked from the 25 yard line of the kicking team.

2. ALL pass interference calls will now be considered a personal foul. The penalty yardage will be marked off from the original line of scrimmage. There will be NO MORE 60 yard penalties for a pass that the receiver "might have caught."

3. All "head to head" defensive penalties will be reviewed by off-the-field referees to make sure that they are indeed said penalties.

4. Following a touchdown the player scoring the touchdown must politely hand the ball the referee. Any spiking or end zone gyrations or celebration of ANY kind will result in an automatic ejection from the game and a $100,000 fine.

5. Anyone entering the gates of an NFL stadium and CANNOT be readily identified as a human being will be arrested and fined.

6. All gay NFL players will be made to play in pink football pants.

I'm sure my 'Freeper' brethren have many other new rules they would like to share. Be my guest!

[morphing libertarian]

my favorite is the commercial break after the point after touchdown.

Followed by the kick-off

Followed by another commercial break.

[OneVike]

They still play professional basketball?

[OneVike]

OK, try this. anytime a running back is stopped by an illegal hit or face mask, the ball will be spotted at the 1 yard line.

Just like the receiver, how do they know the RB would not have gone all the way?

Trust me, I have seen many a time when Adrian (They are treating me like a slave) Peterson would have gone all the way but for a an illegal face mask tackle.

[Ransomed]

That’s pretty bad. It is the most popular pro-sport here by far, so I guess that makes sense, but holy cow already. Maybe most folks watch on Tivo for gambling/fantasy purposes or something but that’s way too many commercial breaks, for me anyhow.

Freegards

[Breto]

solved the problem... No tackling above or below the waste. All progress must be accomplished through a process of negotiations and compromise. We must reach across the scrimmage line and solve our differences.

[BatGuano]

True, the pitcher has an edge on those who carry on after getting on base. “A little chin music” or “High and tight” do keep demonstrations to a minimum. The sad thing is that many football fans like the on-field taunting crap...they are doing the same in the stands. Another reason not to go to a game is that the fans get drunk and if you are not part of their “fun” you get beer on you or worse.

[Ransomed]

I see NBA games listed in the guide on TNT; therefore it must indeed exist.

Freegards

[morphing libertarian]

I record the first half or so and speed through the breaks. Super Bowl I watched most commercials once.

[Ransomed]

It’s a 162 games, the beauty of the system is that retaliation for being a jerk might come in the next series 3 months from the actual jerkitude. It doesn’t even have to be the same players involved for it to work, so the umps giving warnings all the time for anything inside doesn’t mess it up too bad. The purer way would be for all pitchers hitting, but after the star position player gets drilled there tends to be clubhouse conversations with the immune starters and all relievers, so it works reasonably well. Better than most pro-sports anyhow.

Baseball fans at the ballpark can be obnoxious as well. But the rules of the game itself support players self-policing the jerk wads.

Freegards

[hoagy62]

You’re a San Francisco fan, aren’t you?

[Ransomed]

If you are going to regularly watch NFL, seems like that is the way to do it to not be annoyed out of your gourd.

Freegards

[biff]

8. All queer players will be introduced first and the kickoff will be performed by kickers with a pink tee, as well, the league anthem, “Tiptoe Thru The Tulips” will be played prior to the kickoff.

[stevem]

The only indefensible one on your list is number six. The rule ought to be: Only gay players are allowed to play in the NFL. All heterosexuals must be fired forthwith.

[Svartalfiar]

Whenever a play is being reviewed, we should be treated with scenes of the cheerleaders instead of the refs just standing around.

This.

[Svartalfiar]

One of my favorite gameplay changes is to make the guy who scored the TD kick the extra point.

[teg_76]

You don’t live on the west coast, huh? We’re still working at 7 EST

Cruz 2016

[teg_76]

You don’t live on the west coast, huh? We’re still working at 7 EST

Cruz 2016

[AlmaKing]

hahahahahahahah !!!!!!!!

That’s as good as the video of the Brit guy in his ascot lobbying the Portland city council for a Really Safe Portland.

[Ingtar]

Running into a defender (ie a pick) is an offensive pass interference call.

Lowering your head as an offensive player during or preceding a hit shall be treated the same as if a defensive player had made the hit.

Anyone running out of the field of play during a kick and returning shall be ejected from the game if they are deemed to have left the field voluntarily.

[dfwgator]

7. No Pooftahs.