Posted on 12/20/2014 7:37:51 PM PST by Morgana
A woman tells her story of an abortion of a down syndrome baby and then her subsequent birth of a disabled child. She shared this on a message board for women who aborted disabled children:
I have lurked here for years, and although my story may not be welcomed with open arms, I feel compelled to share it none-the-less. Like many of you, I received a pre-natal diagnosis that our precious baby had Down syndrome and a heart defect. It was completely unexpected and devastating, obviously. Like many of you, my first concern was for my daughter. What would having a sibling with special needs mean for her future? I didn’t want to burden her with a brother who would never be anything but a drain on our family. We didn’t have the resources of money, time, family support, etc. to be good parents to my daughter and a child with Down syndrome. I didn’t want to bring a child into the world only to suffer. These feelings were substantiated by the medical professionals involved in my care. They universally agreed that terminating was the right decision. So we made the choice, and I had the procedure. My grief was overwhelming.
About one year after the termination, I was again pregnant. I thought that perhaps we could finally move past the pain of losing our baby. The pregnancy was smooth, an amnio proved that the baby was healthy and that there were no chromosomal abnormalities. Everything seemed great. But at 22 weeks I went into labor, and the drs. were only able to stop it for a few weeks. My precious son was born at 25 weeks due to incompetent cervix, and both my OB and the perinatologist agreed that it was a direct result of the termination procedure. There was no other explanation. After months in the NICU, too many complications to recount, various surgeries and painful procedures, my son finally came home. And I was reminded everyday of the fact that my baby’s health issues and delays, his numerous special needs, were a direct result of trying to prevent having a baby with special needs. The irony continues to astound me.
But what I have learned in the 5 years since he was born amazes me more. I have learned that I do have the strength to raise this child. That yes, the drs. appts. and therapies which at the beginning seemed all encompassing, fade into the past as he grows older. I have seen my daughter grow beautifully into a compassionate and loving person. The experience of having a brother with special needs has exposed her to something that I always said I would teach my children. That different isn’t bad…that what makes a person beautiful isn’t what you can see with your eyes. In the NICU, and since then at the children’s hospital, in specialists’ offices, at the early intervention center, in school…I have seen that children with Down syndrome, and other special needs are not burdens to their parents. These families have challenges, sure, but they also have joy. Their lives are more “normal” than not. I have seen the pride on parents faces (and felt it myself) when a goal that comes easily to others is finally mastered. I have heard stories and witnessed myself marriages and families strengthened and enriched. I have seen that kids with Down syndrome, one of whom is now my son’s best friend, are absolutely not suffering. My son’s friend runs and laughs and plays, tells jokes, and is reading. He loves freely and fully. He had the same heart defect as the baby I terminated…and after surgery he was out of the hospital in a week and has never had any other complications.
I am not sharing my thoughts to cause pain to any members of this board. But I have nowhere to go with the guilt and pain I feel for the decision I made. I do not just regret being put in the situation; I deeply, and painfully, regret the choice that I made. And I think that even though the majority of people who post here seem not to struggle with that feeling, I know that I can’t be alone. I wish that I would have actually talked to parents of children with Down syndrome. Because one thing I know for sure—as capable and helpful as my son’s drs. and therapists are, not one of them can really know what it is like to be his parent, and to see the love that he brings to our family. My son’s needs in fact are greater and more complicated than most of the children with Down syndrome that I have encountered, but his life still has value. I never would have imagined myself in this position…and I didn’t think that I, or my marriage, or my daughter, could come out stronger for it. But we have. And now after the time I have spent with these children and their families, I don’t at all consider them fanatics. But advocates for the kids who have brought so much love to their lives. And I can also say unequivocally that these children and adults with Down syndrome “have a life”. As far as what NICU nurses and neonatologists would advise, after practically living in the NICU for over 3 months, I have no doubt what they would, and do say…Down syndrome is nothing compared to what so many families experience. These children can and do have a great quality of life and contribute to their families and communities, and are not considered a burden even by their adult siblings after the parents are gone.
I am not posting this to cause pain to anyone on this board. But I also cannot just sit back and not express my views on this subject. I do not judge anyone here, including myself…I know that we all made the best possible choices with the information we had. But I have lived both sides of this issue. I have terminated for T21 and now am raising a child with special needs. I wish I had known then what I know now.
This testimony may be found here. It was posted on Thursday, May 17, 2009.
http://mdbeau.blogspot.com/2006/02/another-perspective.html
So much in life comes down to this, doesn't it?
Bump
I have a son who is 46. I didn’t know about him until 5 years ago.
He was a normal boy until he was 12 when he was hit by a drunk driver while riding his bike to school. After a severe brain injury and a year in the hospital, He’s still 12 years old.
He’s the light of my life...
Yes, it sure does.
Good find, Morgana - thanks for posting this bittersweet story.
Thank you for sharing about your son.
I wrote this for my Down Syndrome granddaughter.
MSHL
If you have sorrow,
That can’t be consoled.
And you’ve tried it all,
To fill your heart’s hole...
Then Mia Sends Her Love.
Born after midnight,
The waiting room full.
Joy soon was tempered,
Her Downs, it seemed cruel.
Then Mia Shared Her Love.
She entered our lives,
With eyes barely open.
She took all our hugs,
As we began hoping...
May Mia Show His Love.
Reaching with a smile,
“Auntie” hugged her Sis.
Her words spoken true;
“Is ‘that’ all it is”
As Mom Showed Her Love.
Mia’s struggle grew.
Labored with breathing,
The hole in her heart,
Caused the chest’s heaving.
Can Mia Show His Love?
Facing surgery,
Two months into life,
Open heart’s tougher,
Than our silly strife.
And Mia Showed His Love.
Born to live, laugh, love,
Take her heart’s lesson.
Seek to find repair,
That brings you blessing.
MSHL, Mia Sends Her Love.
Grandpa
Abortion causes quite a bit of damage to the reproductive organs.
It is widely accepted that smoking during pregnancy has a chance of causing fetal death. A previous abortion has a slightly higher chance of causing fetal death. Women can stop smoking during pregnancy to reduce the risk to their babies, but they can never undo a previous abortion. Abortion can also cause infertility, or prevent a woman from being able to carry to term.
The dangers of abortion, its effect on future pregnancies, and its true nature are never disclosed to abortion clients. Nope, they’re pressured into having an abortion as soon as possible, before they have time to think things over.
What a tragedy this woman’s “choice” was, for both of her sons.
A while back, I was in a grocery store and passed a lady with a Down Syndrome daughter. Cute little redhead. She gave me a big smile, waved and said Hi, so I gave her a big smile, waved and said Hi right back.
I’m sure glad no one aborted my “disabled” wife. I’d have missed 21 years of a very happy marriage !
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