Posted on 08/07/2015 2:48:37 PM PDT by rickmichaels
The Internet lit up last month when Toronto resident Anne Thériault took to Twitter to live tweet a terrible first date that she was observing at a coffee shop.
The guy was described as a pretentious writer type, who spent the entire time talking about himself, making comments about the “body” of the coffee they were drinking and casually mentioning that he knew of a better coffee spot where they don’t “over-roast their beans.”
After he failed to ask his date any questions about herself, she did what most of us would do: faked a text from her mom and made a swift exit.
Although Thériault’s comments were hilarious and on-point (who hasn’t been on a date like the one she described?) What she witnessed isn’t uncommon in the least. In the age of online dating, where the decision to go out with someone is often as simple as swiping right on your phone, truly terrible dates happen all the time. In fact, there’s probably one happening as we speak.
So, what exactly makes for a bad first date? After consulting with my social network, I’ve come up with the five signals that make the perfect recipe for a terrible first date.
1. When dinner and drinks turn into bizarre confession hour
A key indicator is if your date manages to alienate you right from the get-go. The easiest way to make this happen? By admitting to a series of bizarre personal facts. For example, Madeline from Philadelphia said that she knew she was on a bad date when her companion for the evening revealed over dinner that he “quit his job to work for the city doing rat collection.”
In the case of Alana in Vancouver, she knew her date was a goner when the guy showed up wearing a “red, ratty and baggy wool sweater, grey jogging pants with a pair of frayed jean cutoffs layered atop. I am serious!” Her date then explained proudly, “I found my outfit in a dumpster right before I came here!”
2. Their restaurant etiquette is off
When it comes to dating and food, there are certain basic etiquette rules that should be followed. Failure to do so can result in a disastrous dating experience. For example, if you invite someone to a restaurant, it’s good form to order something from said restaurant. There should also be a clause that says, “thou shall not unexpectedly serenade your date.” One of my worst dates involves going out with a guy who, instead of ordering food - “I’m kind of broke right now, so I’m just going to have water,” he said - decided to loudly serenade me with one of his obscenity-filled freestyle raps in the middle of a crowded restaurant. It took all of my willpower not to slink under the table.
3. Your date spends the entire time talking about themselves
As Theriault’s tweets point out, a good way to ensure that the first date is the last date, is to talk about yourself and only yourself. First dates are all about getting to know each other to see if there’s any romantic potential. This is nearly impossible to accomplish when your date spends the entire time bragging about their accomplishments (“I was the most popular guy at my fraternity, so naturally I had a lot of one night stands”) and recanting their last golfing trip to Arizona in agonizing detail. A few years ago I went on a date with a guy who spent 40 minutes talking about his passion for CrossFit without allowing me a word in edgewise. How do I know this? I timed him. Don’t be this guy.
4. Their family unexpectedly gets involved in your date
Nothing immediately sours a date like realizing the person you’re meeting looks absolutely nothing like their photos. When Arianne in Toronto asked her date why he didn’t look like the photos he’d posted, he apologized and admitted that he’d actually used photos of his sons. Ah yes, the old online dating photo bait and switch - a sure-fire way to make sure the first date doesn’t lead to the second. However, if that story doesn’t make you want to bang your head against a wall, Megan in Texas says that on a first date a guy once requested that she “pose as his girlfriend” in order to make his ex-wife - who was stopping by to drop off his kids for a custody visit - jealous.
5. Your date rubs a piece of meat on your arm
No, this isn’t some kind of euphemism. This happened to April in Texas when, as she describes, her date “used a pork-chop as a loofah.” The evening already wasn’t going very well when her date asked her if she was having a good time, she was honest. He vowed to her that he could make the date better.
“He then took a piece of pork chop out of his to-go box, wiped it down my bare arm and said, "That's right. I just rubbed meat on your arm,” she says.
When asked for her worst date moment, April is clear, “When you must remove the pork sauce from your arm and you realize you’re not on a TV show about bad dates - this is real life.” A story that proves when it comes to dating nightmares, the truth is almost always stranger than fiction.
Slightly better than left boob falsie falling off into their soup.
I remember going on a blind date in my mid-teens. The girl was anxious and flustered. She took a phone call right as we were set to walk out the door. I got the sense that whomever she was speaking to was trying to give her a pep-talk but she was a tough nut. She was still on the phone after a half-hour and I got irritated and left.
I wonder how her phone-date went LOL
Are you a Ti-Cats fan?
The first time she mentions her meds...
Count to 100
Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom
Out the window, straight home
Take your name off the mailbox
Change your phone number
Don’t go out for 3 months.
From one who knows.
Your date says, “I was just reading this interesting story on DU/Daily Kos.
lol
#11: You finish half a draft beer while she’s on her second whiskey on rocks.
These days that could go for the women, too.
“Boob” is good, these days it can apply to both sexes.
Remember when Rand Paul’s eye brow fell off during the debate?
5.56mm
Guys dont wear boob imserts. Wouldn’t happen as i described.
Now thy could lean over and have a man boob fall into the soup.
You are probably right.
I think I started off badly by taking her to a movie (Patton) I wanted to see instead of asking her what she would like to see.
Anyway I later married an even more beautiful girl. I took her to see “The Godfather” on our first date.
I think that some of these bizarre behaviors may actually be the person she dated wanting out of the date.
Or the consomme.
My worst date was when the guy ordered his meal and then also asked for a go-box right then. When his meal came he started to put portions into the box. Said it was going to be his supper the next night. Alone I might add (my thought).
Oh...you mean this young lady...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP4NMoJcFd4
6. Your name is Mary Richards or Rhoda Morganstern and you live in Minneapolis, Minnesota (apparently the bad date capital of the USA).
Posting stuff about Trump on an article that has nothing to do with him... quite the case of trump derangement syndrome, should get that looked at...
Met a gal on an online dating site. Took her to a nice restaurant, and after ordering and giving our menus to the waiter, she pulls out her phone and starts checking her messages on the same site we met on, lol...
Your date becomes visibly nervous when a pair of policemen enter the restaurant and are seated at the table next to yours.
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