Posted on 08/22/2015 7:43:13 PM PDT by PROCON
I am sorry. To all you moms out there who can’t go out to eat because your kid screams and ruins your dinner, I am so sorry. Until now, I’ve been incredibly spoiled and I may have even thought it was your fault that your kid was screaming during dinner. (I may have judged you a little.) My first two children–girls–were what we called white-tablecloth babies. We could take them to the best upscale restaurant on the Magnificent Mile and they wouldn’t make a peep. They would eat their dinner and play with a toy and everyone would smile at them and compliment me. I thought I was soooooo good at this mothering thing. What a fool I was.
My darling son just turned one. This is the one who already got me yelled at on a plane (another first). He has one volume: LOUD. He screams if his food isn’t in front of him quickly enough, when he runs out of zucchini and hot dogs, when he’s thirsty, tired, angry, happy, sticky, uncomfortable, bored, or just having fun. He has one mode of communication: screaming. This is not a discipline issue. He can’t be “disciplined” yet. He’s a baby. (The first person to say “spank him” in the comments section loses. You don’t spank a baby.) You can’t even really speak harshly to a baby. It makes the screaming worse! The only thing you can do is hurry up and leave the restaurant, change his scenery, play peek-a-boo, give him your keys, your necklace, the ten different toys in the baby bag, your wallet, your dignity and pray it stops. My God, it’s horrible!
Don’t get me wrong. I adore this kid, but I’ve never heard so much screaming this side of Hell. I’m sure it will lessen when he can talk and communicate with us, but as it is, we are drowning in shrieking over here. I hesitate to say, “I can’t wait for this stage to be over” because the next one that comes is the whining stage and that one’s no picnic either. What the heck happened to my quiet baby who nursed half the day and slept the rest of the time? Why do I feel like I’ve never done this before and most importantly, will I ever eat out with my family again?
Not only does he scream, but he misses his mouth most of the time (see “Why My Kitchen Floor is Always Disgusting“) and the whole floor around him is peppered with bits of half-chewed food. It’s so embarrassing. Mr. Fox and I had an emergency meeting about the dining-out behavior tonight. We are about to go out of town for two days and we’ve decided we should bring food and just eat in our room. It’s that bad. And I’m a veteran mother! This is number three! If I am not doing well, how much worse is it for you first timers? I’m so sorry! I feel you, sister!
So here’s my best advice if you’re facing a similar problem:
1.It’s not your fault.
2.Vodka is your friend.
3.If you must go out to eat, go to the next town to the loudest place you can find (where no one knows you) and leave a big tip.
4.Leave him with a babysitter until he’s 10.
Above all, the days are long, but the years are short, so it will end sooner than you think it will. Until then, you’ll find me slinking out of public places with a shrieking baby, trying not to be recognized.
Maybe so.
BUT the manager and waitresses, who were there,
OBVIOUSLY didn't.
In the end, your what if's and perhaps' mean nothing. Your OPINION that I was rude, is built completely on the ASSUMPTION that the child had a problem and that I have no understanding of kids whatsoever.
I have MANY years of volunteering with kids. I'm talking HUNDREDS of kids. I am by no means an expert, but I have a fair amount of experience differentiating between a bratty kid and autism. I know FIRST HAND what ADD and/or ADHD is like, and what can be done to deal with it.
I was the one watching the kid climb on the bench and doing whatever he wanted, while the parents did little more than talk calmly and sigh when their "pleadings" went unanswered.
You formed an opinion based on perhaps' and what if's. Your tender sensibilities were offended :(
Meanwhile, the manager WHO WAS THERE, not only didn't do anything about THEIR complaint and leaving, BUT...picked up my check and gave us dessert, without my ever saying anything .
SOoooo....
Who do you think PERHAPS had a better grasp of the ENTIRE situation?
You, sitting, reading black letters on a white screen, possibly 100's of miles and years away from the situation?
Or the manager, who was right there when everything was happening?
IF...the manager hadn't been completely aware of the situation, and had chalked it up to customers getting into a squabble, he wouldn't have addressed the situation at all. The fact that he did address it, VOLUNTARILY, speaks that he was aware and either appreciative of my handling the situation or, sorry for my inconvenience.
What I didn't mention, was that the restaurant WAS NOT empty except for our 2 tables. There were other tables in the general area.
No...the manager was basically making a statement without having to say it.
When it was explained to her, her response was "Oh...we call that disobedience."
anyone who hasnt contemplated the homicide of other people’s kids at some point is also a liar.
Haha. I wish other people with children took your advice. I was dining out the other day when a woman came in with 2 girls, aged about 5 and 7. They must have been her granddaughters, from her appearance. First they started running all over the place. Then the older one started banging loudly on their table, without a corrective word from the grandmother. Then the younger one grabbed a bunch of plastic tableware from the trays and brought it back to the table. The grandmother admonished her that it was “too much” and to PUT IT BACK. I never saw this kid wash her hands, now she’s handled this tableware and then sticking it back for some unknowing person to use, thinking it’s clean. The two girls constantly whined loudly about this and that, while the grandmother said not one corrective word but only tried to placate them. When the younger one got up and came right up to my table and started staring in my face, she sure got a corrective word from me: It’s not polite to stare at people! Go and sit down! which she promptly did. I don’t think the grandmother earned any points that day from other diners (certainly not from this one!) and she is not doing those kids any favors by allowing this rotten public behavior. Eating out in a restaurant is a privilege; if you don’t act properly, you cannot go to a restaurant.
Kids, even babies, learn very early if mom is too embarrassed to disciplne them in public.
RULE NUMBER ONE growing up was, never embarrass our mom. Ever.
People would comment that we were so good that they could take us anywhere, but I remember mostly being pretty scared.
Before we went anywhere, she would let us know, eyeball-to-eyeball, what would happen if we ignored rule #1.
“Nip it in the bud” was her motto for bad behavior. It worked.
Oh my God. Stay home.
If you take them outside the first time they misbehave, they will never scream in a restaurant again. You can’t make the mistake of giving in to them, not even once, because then you have committed Random Reinforcement and the behavior is established.
No one wants to give up their nice adult restaurant time, but you can’t have it both ways. Once, and it’s over. Make sure they understand. Say it to someone else so you don’t give them the attention they are seeking. Calmly to husband or whoever: “I’m going to take him outside until he stops screaming.” They have ears, they can hear.
You have “hit the nail right on the head.”
Back in the day when I was a child and even into the early 60’s a screaming spoiled child in a public place was severely frowned upon and not tolerated by management or society.
Now, they can do what they want and where they want and their parents could care less as to who’s meal or entertainment is ruined.
I’ve observed this situation getting worse each year and have found the “trigger” that starts the little spoiled rats screaming and it is the word “NO!” As soon as that word is spoken the screaming begins.
Back in my day bad behaviour was met with a painful experience administered to my posterior.
That's kind of funny, but no, they are born with the learning ability of a human being, the wonderful gift that God gave us. You have to respect it and work with it, not treat them like dummies just because they can't talk yet. Even rodents can learn after one trial in the maze.
I really don’t get it.
Used to be that unless it was expressly a “family restaurant” you didn’t take your kids out to eat unless you knew they would be good through the meal. And, if it were some sort of special family occasion such that you had to take the kid (or you were at that “family restaurant” and the kid started to act up), one of the parents would immediately take the kid out to the lobby or outside as necessary.
Even if that meant a parent and the kid ended up missing a meal or the whole family had to doggy-bag it back home, you just wouldn’t have your kid disturb others in a restaurant. It was considered rude. It bothered others. So you wouldn’t do it.
Now parents have the attitude of if their kid makes noise and disturbs others in a restaurant, that’s just too bad.
Ugh.
Yes—though I’m not sure why your buddy wouldn’t take turns stepping out with a kid making noise.
When would that be?
He can’t be “disciplined” yet. He’s a baby.
There are all types of discipline and some of it is even positive and some negative.
I am a grandfather of a 5 month old girl that loves to scream uncontrollably, except when I am around. I have already gotten my point across that I will not tolerate the screaming.
When I say quiet and look at her, she goes quiet and stays that way. Now if she is hurting, that is different. You determine the problem and fix it.
But just screaming just to be screaming, no way hiway that dog will not hunt. You must teach a child some form of discipline early or they will rule you.
They can be controlled but parents do not want to be seen disciplining a baby. It is just not PC and brash.
Children come uncivilized. Plan to civilize your iron-willed ones, or start that bail fund now!
Know how to cook and don’t pay strangers to put unknown substances in my substandard food anymore.
I don’t have any children or grandchildren of my own but I have many great nieces and nephews ranging in age now from 22 to 4 years old. For the last 3 years my nieces’ 4 youngest girls (she also has a 22 year old daughter) come at least once a year to have a sleep over weekend at my apartment and one of their favorite things is when I take them to the Chinese restaurant for dinner followed by dessert at the Sweet Frog frozen yogurt.
We had our most recent sleepover just a few weeks ago. The oldest of the 4 girls is now 8 and her sisters, the triplets are 7 years old but they were 6 and 5 years old the first time I took them out for dinner. And what a joy they are and evidently they also make quite the impression on others with their very good behavior and manners. Their mom and dad stress that they must behave, although at home sometimes things can and does get a bit raucous, but they tell the girls that coming to my house and me taking them out (or for that matter their parents taking them places) is a privilege and that bad behavior will not be tolerated and I back them up and support them on this. I do dote on them spoil them a bit but do not tolerate any bad behavior.
Anyway when we walked into the Chinese restaurant, the owner remembered us (and FWIW when I sometimes go there for carryout, the owner always asks when I am bringing my “quadruplet granddaughters” back : ) ). The girls sat at the table and placed their napkins on their laps looked at their menus, discussing with me and with each other what they should order and patiently waited like little adults, and when our food arrived¸ each of the girls, without any prompting from me said - “thank you” to our server.
When the owner came over to our table to say hello and ask if we enjoyed our meal, one of the 7 year old triplets Lilly said to her, “I really like your restaurant. The food is very good and I like all the Chinese decorations” and the 8 year old Mel chimed in and said “Thank you. I enjoyed the food, it was very good and I like the atmosphere. I almost feel like I am really in China when we come here, it is so very nice” and one of the other triplets Madi said, “I really liked the tea, thank you”. The owner gave each of them a hug. : )
And as we were finishing our meal, a much older woman who with her husband had been seated at the table next to us was getting ready to leave and she came over and said to me, “What have you done to deserve the company of four such lovely, beautiful and polite young ladies?” I smiled and said, “Yes I am very blessed to have their company”. And all 4 of the girls said, “thank you” without any prompting and one of the triplets, Helen said, “I hope you and your husband had a nice time too”. All Verklempt and so proud I was.
Sweet!
I do know that one of the things that would prevent him, would be nursing. No matter how much he might have wanted to allow his wife to stay, he just wasn't "equipped" for the nursing end.
Also, it could depend on where they were sitting. Not always were they next to each other. Might have 2-3 kids between them.
Yeah, men just aren’t good at nursing.
Everybody today thinks EVERYTHING is their RIGHT. Their right, to assert over others.
As far as the 2 girls. If they were taught properly, they would have acted the same with grandma as with mom and dad.
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