[Swordmaker]

Things to Worry About: Asteroid Impact, Massive gamma ray burst from an outside the solar system event, BSE nvCJD, SARS, Smallpox, Ebola ,Flu- (human, bird, swine, duck, chicken), Salmonella, Carbs, Fat, Protein, Terrorists, Anthrax, Earthquakes, Volcanoes, Too little ozone, Too much ozone, Global warming, Global cooling, Global Warming Chaos, Pesticides, Deer ticks, Nerve gas, Dirty bombs, Haliburton, SUVs, Guns, Acid rain, Too much Rain, Too little Rain, Nuclear power, Non-nuclearpower, Nuclear war, Conventional war, Wind Turbines shredding endangered birds, Obesity, Starvation, BCS, The Yankees with A’Rod, NCAA Basketball Tournament Selections, Pit bulls, Rottweilers, German Shepherds, Huskies, Alaskan Malamutes ,Doberman Pinschers, Chow Chows, Great Danes, St. Bernards, Akitas, green ketchup, MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus), Pet spiders, Yard Sale Congestion, Red King Crabs, Shadow people, Cattle mutilations, Junk Science, Supersize fries, ”Our worst fears were confirmed”, steroids in baseball, microwave popcorn, HIV, Peak Oil, Cholesterol both LDL and HDL, second hand smoke, Google Telephone Searches, backyard nuclear reactor, Nitrogen pollution, Carbon Dioxide Reported at Record Levels, Dangerous' Curry Colourings, Cataracts from computers, brain tumors from cell phones, fire ants, killer bees, killer tomatoes, killer clowns, the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, Terrell Owens and Ron Artest, Exploding cell phones, cryptococcus gattii, methylisothiazolinone (MIT), "holiday heart," , U.S. Teens Are Among the Worst at Math, picking your teeth in public, "The Hamdog.", Plastic Wrap in a Microwave, mercury, perfluorooctanoic acid, Teflon, KFC frying oil, Starbucks high calorie coffee drinks, Southern San Andreas fault waiting to explode:, Study Says Earth's Temp at 400-Year High, Earth hottest it's been in 2,000 years,strong electromagnetic currents, everything spinning out of control, more women are clinically depressed than ever before, Warming May Make 'Perfect Storm' of Disease, Tofu 'may raise risk of dementia, Researchers Say Popular Fish Contains Potentially Dangerous Fatty Acid Combination (Tilapia) , More Kidney Stone Disease Projected Due To Global Warming , Earth likely to disappear in two centuries, warn experts,. Reusable bag risk, Global warming of 7C 'could kill billions this century'', Jumbo Slice" pizza joints, New York, Boston "Directly in Path" of Sea Level Rise, The next crisis has already begun, Apocalypse now (World to end, Bush's fault), Sun's Plasma Balls Could Wipe Out Human Civilization; Star Predicted to Blast Through the Solar System...and now...The south is SINKING: Giant chunks of the Earth's mantle are falling off and causing quakes across the southeastern US - and more are coming, warn researchers!!!!!!11!!!!one!!!!!eleven!

Dear ExGeeEye,

Thank You! I just knew I was not as paranoid as my psychiatrist keeps trying to tell me I am.

You've convinced me life isn't safe to keep living, so I went to get my gun to shoot my self. But, following government guidelines, I keep it dismantled and the parts and ammunition in separate locations, and I can't find all the pieces to reassemble it. Have you ever tried to put a bullet back together again, after taking it apart?

Then I thought about poison, but being prudent type of person, I don't keep any around the house!

We only have showers in my house, so drowning myself in the bathtub is out. . . and I tried holding my head underwater in the sink. Did you know you can't do that?

Jumping off the roof? Well, the rose bushes around my house have thorns and they're painful to land in. Besides, I've run out of band-aids.

So I went side to hang myself.

First the limb of the tree broke because the gardener had sawed only half-way through it before quitting for the day. Then the beam on my patio cover broke through due to termites. . . so I tossed the rope over a limb I had tested first and the shoddy Chinese made rope broke!

When I was examining the broken rope I noticed the labelling on the rope from the Consumer Product Safety Commission which warned me that "misuse of this product could cause strangulation, brain damage, disfigurement, and/or death." I realized I was using the wrong products. So I went back inside, thankful that our government was protecting me. . .

I am now researching building my own flying saucer so that I can abandon this planet until such time as it is safe to live here.

(Signed)
Chicken Little

PS: Have you looked at the sky for any cracks lately?

[miserare]

Hahahahahahahaha...