Posted on 06/06/2016 7:29:13 PM PDT by usconservative
For those of you who read This Post on the original thread with the same title I wanted you all to know that I received a number of emails asking how I was.
Well, I left. I felt like I had no choice. Nothing was going to change no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried to salvage my marriage -- it was over. Repentance and humbling myself before the Lord didn't matter. The marriage was over long ago, I'd just refused to accept it or I was blind to that fact.
Thanks so much for the encouragement and am thrilled you found the right woman for you. It gives me hope. All the best for your future marriage!
Fight and fight hard. If you lay down her lawyers will take note and come back every few years to take what you’ve earned on your own. Until you get her signature that says there will be no more claims and it is settled 100% forever she will come back.
"Living well is the best revenge." (Cole Porter)
My parents were married for 29 years. Had my mother not died (53, breast cancer) they might have eventually gotten divorced.
Unfortunately, I would have sided with my father. (I’m a woman, BTW.)
My mother had rages & mood swings. She was lose herself — got dangerous when she was mad. It was terrifying. My dad avoided coming home. My mother took it out on us, her kids.
My father wasn’t blameless. He might have been self-absorbed. But he was a good provider, and never violent. (Sarcastic at times, but never outright abusive.) He later remarried to a more gentle woman.
The issue here is mental illness. A person might be attracted to the other for looks or personality, then discover the werewolf later. While there probably is no such thing as an amicable divorce, spouses like these get particularly vengeful, because of their inherent character defect.
As in Proverbs: “Charm is vain, and beauty is empty.” Probably too many men make the mistake of falling for a woman’s external qualities — looks or personality — while overlooking the more important: character & temperament. It’s easy to hate women after a bitter experience.
I know I’ll be flamed into ashes here, but I’m of the opinion that the mentally ill should not get married. Even with medication, there are often behavioral, emotional, or cognitive issues.
Some where out there is a woman who will provide those elements (love, compassion, forgiveness, intimacy). We aren’t all harpy shrews :) Some of us do value those things.
No flames from me.
I agree 100%
Both of my parents had deep seated issues.
They were married for 17 years.
Neither of them should have ever gotten married.
EVER.
To anyone.
Dad had mommy issues.
Mom hates men.
Except those in the COUNTLESS romance novels she reads.
I’m tired of the anger, the victimhood, the self pity, the rage.
When I was younger, I thought it was mostly my dad.
As I’ve gotten older, I realize NEITHER of them were equipped to handle marriage. Both of them exacerbated each others problems.
Like pouring gasoline on a fire, in an attempt to drown out the flames.
Thanks for the good thoughts and excellent advice!
Just read your post to Mooch Pooch. Dang. My miserable parents just celebrated 50 years. Two people who should have split many years ago. Sad to see them bickering, arguing when they should be content in their sunset year.
Ok, shutting up now so I don’t burn up your freepmail.
Bahaha! I’ll make sure to practice that next time I’m at the range
The Designer, the Lord Jesus, gave the reason for divorce in Matthew 19, "hardness of heart," and that's all that can be said about it. That's disobedience to the designer.
One large problem with professing Christian families is that they delay any proper instruction on these subjects until one of the children announces some seriousness about an involvement with someone else.
Good instruction about marriage begins from early childhood. Even children can be taught the picture of Christ and His Church which is permanent and the proper care between husbnad and wife described in that light (Ephesians ch. 5; etc.)
Then making proper, guarded friendships from early years. Children who are not taught how to make the right kind of friends in general most often don't know what they are looking for in a spouse.
And so much more. As a pastor, in 39 years thus far in the ministry I have performed only five weddings, and am very happy about the low number. I only perform weddings for people who have been under my ministry for a long period of time, usually from childhood, and we know the character and church attendance consistency of the one they will marry as well.
I wrote a paper in 1982 called "Standards for the Marriage Altar" that is read by all people associated with our ministry. I make no exceptions to those standards, and I don't allow the couple to use me as an option on a drop-down menu just to suit them so that they can get married. It is NOT required of ministers that they perfor wedding ceremonies---it is not a qualification for the ministry in the New Testament. I'm not afraid to look a couple in the eye and say, "I don't have to do this, so I will give you the standards, not the other way around."
“It is NOT required of ministers that they perfor wedding ceremonies-—it is not a qualification for the ministry in the New Testament.”
I recall reading about the Pilgrims and John Bradford. It came time for a couple to be married, and they pondered how to perform the ceremony under their new form of government. He wrote something like “Seeing no recommendation from the Scriptures, a civil ceremony was performed.”
I was surprised by that.
Some families in early colonial America would simply post a notice on the church house doors that their daughter would become Mrs. _______ ____________ on a certain date. That would be it.
If the man is so angry at his ex-wife, then that description would fit. If it were the other way around I would have said that SHE could enjoy HIM aging, beer belly like a nine-month pregnant woman, extra hair growing out of his ears and nose...and so on.
I helped my mother with her paper work in those days. I was and am great with paper and she hated it. At thirteen years of age I was writing the household checks...and she would sign them.
Anyway, I helped with her law work too, paper work, of course, and saw some of the downright HOSTILITY between husband and wife. One wonders how and why the marriage got so bad. But, it happens.
So, my little description was made for those enraged, frustrated, unhappy divorcing spouses. Too bad they didn't spend some time trying to HEAL their lives by way of some faith and some help from our good Lord. It couldn't have made things worse, I think.
>> When there’s zero reciprocation however there’s no point in remaining married.
Understood. No doubt it’s been a lengthy distressing and distracting process.
FRegards.
Wishing you smooth sailing, as much as that is possible.
Sorry it has come to this, I’ve read the threads and am re-living what I had gone through as well. After all the years and the children you’ve been blessed with, there will be moments of sadness and disbelief. As you’ve stated here, I too did the whole ‘what would/could I possibly say before God as to why this marriage failed’ and did what I believed was everything in my power to avoid divorce. It’s a challenge to reconcile that part of it, imho. Time does heal and bring comfort and resolution. Best of luck ~
Reasonable position.
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