Posted on 08/26/2016 6:09:28 PM PDT by Lazamataz
For about a decade and a half, I have heard horror stories of Indian IT outsourcing. I have not seen the horror stories become realized -- for the most part, the crap you get out of Indian offshore IT is, well, crap.
It is not crap because of their skill, in some cases. I have found that while 65% of Indian IT 'professionals' overstate their skill, the remaining 35% can do the job.
The issue is the cultural differences. In the case of most Indians, some 90%, they will do EXACTLY as you ask. And that is their downfall.
Americans are willing to challenge a boss's premises. Indians are not. They will deliver exactly what is asked for, and Americans will -- generally -- find a better, more efficient way to do things. I will give you a personal example:
I was tasked with replicating a credit-card payment data flow, to duplicate the entire flow, except at the end. At the end, thing A had to happen instead of thing B. My boss was an Indian, and asked me to replicate the entire flow with the minor difference at the end.
I was given a week to accomplish my task. I returned in 30 minutes. "I'm done," I said.
"No, you can't be. Come back to me when you are done."
"I'm done. Here's the output. I put a switch on the final SQL procedure for the different final behavior."
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But this essay is not about that. This essay is about Indian recruiters. These people are a scourge. They are a plague.
I intend to stay in Atlanta, GA, but I have had many Indian recruiters contact me about -- for example -- a two month position in Benoit, Wisconson. What the FREEP.
I even put the directive IN MY LAST NAME in the job boards.
I used to be Laz A. Mataz, but I changed my name to Laz A. Mataz (NO RELOCATION! ATLANTA OPPORTUNITIES ONLY!).
They still cannot see it.
So, here is a homage to the evil, horrible Indian recruiters that now flood the recruiting market.
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Typical conversation with an Indian recruiter:
I.R.: Ello this is Ganesh Gupta calling you from A.I.T.R. (Annoying I.T.Recruiters). How are you doing today?
Me: I’m ok. How are you.
I.R.: Fine, thanks for asking. Yes I have a position for you. Are you interested?
Me: It depends.
I.R.: Ello?
For some reason the say ‘hello’ when they mean any number of other things besides hello including: ‘what?’ or ‘would you please clarify?’ or ‘can you hear me?’ I like pretending they mean ‘hello’ as in the greeting.
Me: Hello
I return the ‘greeting’ and they think I can’t hear them or don’t understand what they’re saying.
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Hello
This has actually gone on much longer than this. The passive aggression can be quite satisfying. Eventually I’ll give in and get the conversation back on track by letting them know I can hear them.
I.R.: Yes I have a position for you. Are you interested?
Me: It depends.
I.R.: It depends?
Me: That’s what I said.
I.R.: Ello?
Me: Where is it located?
I.R.: You live in Atlanta, Georg-YEE-yah?
(Indian recruiters CANNOT pronounce Georgia. It's pronounced Georg-ja. They ALWAYS pronounce it Georg-YEE-yah.)
Me: Where…is…the…position…located?
I.R.: Yes the position is located in b..boom foc, Wyoming.
Me: I think it’s pronounced ‘Bum F**k’.
I.R.: Oh sorry yes. Are you interested?
Me: No. I only want to stay in Atlanta, Georgia.
I.R.: You want to stay in Atlanta, Georg-YEE-yah?
Me: Yes.
I.R.: But this is in Boom-foc Wyoming.
Me: I know. But I want to stay in Atlanta, Georgia.
I.R.: This pays very well.
Me: How much does it pay?
I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?
Me: What is the highest rate you are willing to pay?
I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?
Me: What is the highest rate you are willing to pay?
I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?
Me: One million dollars per hour.
I.R.: Ha, ha, oh no. I am sorry the most we can pay you is dollar forty per hour.
Me: One dollar and forty cents per hour?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: One dollar and forty cents per hour?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: I think you mean forty U.S. dollars per hour.
I.R.: Yes.
This is significantly less than I can make anywhere in the U.S. It’s not uncommon for them to say the word ‘dollar’ when they mean that the amount is in U.S. dollars…not rupees.
Me: Is this on a W-2, 1099 or corp-to-corp basis?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: I’m asking you a question. Is the rate on a W-2, 1099 or corp-to-corp basis?
I.R.: Yes.
Me: What is the duration of this project?
I.R.: Ello?
Me: What is the duration of this project?
I.R.: This position is two months.
Me: What is the job title?
I.R.: JAVA developer.
Me: I’m not interested.
I.R.: You are not interested?
Me: I’m not interested because I’m not a JAVA developer. I design and build C#, MVC, and SQL systems. I’m not interested in relocating to Bum F**k, Wyoming. The rate is too low. The duration is too short.
I.R.: We can pay dollar forty-two per hour.
Me: I’m still not interested.
I.R.: Is the location of Boom-foc, Wyoming ok?
Me: No.
I.R.: It is not ok?
Me: That’s what I said.
I.R.: But the position is two months.
Me: Two months is too short.
I.R.: Two months is too short?
Me: That’s what I said. Also I’m not a JAVA developer.
I.R.: You are not a JAVA developer?
Me: That’s what I said.
I.R.: We can go as high as dollar forty-three an hour.
Me: I'm making sixty an hour.
I.R.: Dollar forty three is a great rate.
Me: I'm making sixty an hour.
I.R.: Dollar forty four, I can do. I will contact my manager first.
Me: I'm making sixty an hour.
I.R.: The highest I can do is dollar forty four. Can you do this corp-to-corp? When can you report to work?
Me: (click)
The background questioneer is nineteen pages (add additional pages if needed). Includes every school (and dates), every employment, every residence, every police involvement, current and prior marital status, etc.
Hires are on probation for a year, and their records are checked in detail. It’s how you build an award winning team.
No, just sign consent to a polygraph as a condition of hire. The machine is one floor up.
I kick ass. You should hire me.
I’d love too! Our team rocks!
As far as a 19 page questionaire, I did the 67 page Federal eQip form and presently hold a NAIC Federal clearance. I’d pass your bg check with ease.
You a Microsoft stack shop?
I got MVC 5 (razor), EF 6, hard SQL, Web API 2.0. If you are willing to let me come up on AngularJS, I’d be interested.
Eclipse, Struts, Spring, jQuery, java, Tomcat.
I got some jQuery but it seems you are more LAMP than MS.
Might be a tech mismatch if you are java intensive.
LOL, yah. Redhat. Not what you’d call bleeding edge.
Java intensive be us.
Yeah. Shoot, not a match. Unless you were willing to step foot in the MS stack with me leading, I can’t see how it works. MS and Google are working hand in hand with the Angular/MVC/EF stuff. It’s good s***.
No worries, I have 2 offers in hand with up to 3 more dropping next week. With some artful negotiation, I might be able to get to 6 figures and a half (150k or so). Probably not that high tho, I expect I should settle down around 110 - 120. Then dig in, and get up to my desired level.
Consider MS/Google. They can increase productivity by 60%.
I can gen codebehinds in 2 seconds with EF and MVC. The productivity boost is somewhat amazing.
Agree, and our new exploits are taking that direction, though Google concers me with their political bent. OTOH, we have a couple million lines of java code to maintain and embellish. I’m sure I’ll be wrighting (righting) java till I retire.
You should freakin hire me to take you in the new directions. If you can beat my current offer-set, that is. :)
My very best wishes, Laz. I started playing this game in 1979 with BAL, Holerith cards and caffeine. I have become quite accustomed to living indoors, eating food and driving an amazing set of vehicles. Life is good.
Current offer in Utah?! Shirley, you jest.
I wondered what that was for....
:)
We’ll be okay. Ima kick some MS/Google stack ass.
But heads-up: Your millions of lines of java code might be relatively-easily replaced by some of the new productivity-leverages out there...
... be careful. Antiquation is easy these days.
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