Posted on 10/19/2018 12:49:26 PM PDT by sodpoodle
8:00 - I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender man..woman...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa.
8:40 - The Police arrive saying someone has been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew from the ABC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobic, sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.
Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just a view of the world in which we live today, and it is only getting worse.
So aptly portrayed!
Just make sure they are wearing MAGA hats.
Just make sure they are wearing MAGA hats. Otherwise the donkey’s will try to register them to vote
10:00 Before he/she melts let them go out a get a snow job.
Left-wing weenies are always having a meltdown.
They need to chill.
“They wanted me to get rid of everything quickly, so I got out my snow blower and shot everything into the street.
The EPA fined me for creating a toxic waste site.”
sad but so so true.....
Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - North East
December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry- we’ll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again
I don’t think that’s possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way.
I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that’s silly.
We aren’t in Alaska, after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her.
God I hate it when she’s right.
I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity’s back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!
Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey.
I think they’re lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they’re lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he’s lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she’s lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
December 25
Merry freaking Christmas!
20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she’s an idiot.
If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She’s really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in.
The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in.
I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what’s left of the house.
No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?
9:40 When the neighborhood libertarian heard about your situation he told his illegal alien housekeeper to mind the house, got his LSAT out of the gun safe, and showed up vowing to take up for your Constitutional right to do whatever you wanted with your snow.
He left you alone forever disappointed in you when he learned you were using real snow and not cocaine. :)
If I chuckle, will they come take me away?
Are we even allowed to giggle at that?
I suppose it would be funny if it weren’t true.
Hilarious - where did you find that?
We moved to South Carolina from our native Ohio last year. I was telling her how much I will miss snow and she emailed me the next morning. Laughed so hard
It would be funny if it weren’t true.
Lol!;
NOW THAT’S FUNNY!!!!!!!!!
If you had used coal for eyes. Imagine that...planet killer.
What do you expect from a bunch of flakes?
You forgot ...
"and required me to restore everything to its original condition!"
Rinse, Freeze & Repeat!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
