Crouching Gollum, Hidden Balrog

sourcery | 26 April 2002 | sourcery

[sourcery]

Here's a fun game to play: Come up with alternate titles for the Lord of the Rings movie, that would be appropriate in some hypothetical (contrary-to-fact) case. As examples, I will provide my entries:

1. If Marlon Brando had been cast as Sauron, and Al Pacino as Saruman: The Orcfather.
2. If the movie had been filmed in China: Crouching Gollum, Hidden Balrog.
3. If Stanley Kubrick had been the director: 2001: A Middle-Earth Odyssey.
4. If Spielberg had directed: Elf Encounters of the Trite Kind.
5. If Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd and Rick Moranis had starred: Orcbusters.
6. If Tim Burton had directed, and Jack Nicholson had played Gandalf: Mordor Attacks!
7. With Tim Curry as Sauron: The Raunchy Mordor Picture Show.
8. With Brad Pitt as a reluctant Ringwraith: Interview with a Nazgul.
9. With Tom Cruise as the Witch King: Wight Club.
10. Directed by Hitchcock: Dial M for Mordor.
11. Animated by Pixar: Either 'Ring Story' or 'Mordor, Inc.'
12. Starring Jimmy Stewart as Frodo: Mr. Frodo Goes to Mordor.
13. Starring Harrison Ford as Frodo: Ring Runner.
14. If the South were Middle Earth: Gondor with the Wind.
15. Starring Marlon Brando and Vivian Leigh, filmed in New Orleans: A Secret Ring Named Desire.
16. Directed by David Lynch: The Oliphont Man.
17. Shot in black and white, starring Billy Bob Thornton: The Hobbit Who Wasn't There.
18. Directed by Ridley Scott: Black Rider Down.
19. Directed by, and also starring, Kevin Costner: Dances with Wargs.
20. Starring Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman: All the Master's Wraiths.
21. In German, with Hitler as Sauron: Das Ring.
22. Robert De Niro and James Woods as Jewish versions of Sauron and Saruman: Once Upon A Time In Middle Earth.
23. With Jody Foster as Arwen and Anthony Hopkins as Saruman: Silence of the Lembas.

[Cascadians]

LOL!
We just bought the entire LOTR on CDs to listen to.
Reading isn't enough.
Movies aren't enough.

Only going West over the Sea will be enough!

[billorites]

Directed by Cardinal Law: "Bang the Dwarf Slowly"

[Cicero]

Is that the BBC version? I got hold of a copy and so far have listened to 10 of the 13 CDs while commuting.

[Lil'freeper]

Starring Daniel Day Lewis (in some of the backstory) "Last of the Numenoreans".

[Cascadians]

It's
A Recorded Books™ Unabridged Audiobook Presentation

The only unabridged audio recording of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings Trilogy
52 total hours of word-for-word listening
46 CDs
Narrated by Rob Inglis

1-800-638-1304
www.recordedbooks.com

[CholeraJoe]

Directed by Cardinal Law: "Bang the Dwarf Slowly"

Go stand in the corner. LOL.

[Overtaxed]

Pinging (some of ) the Ringers!

[HairOfTheDog]

LOL! - I hope I can think of some creative examples of my own! < thinking cap on >

[JenB]

Pretty funny, glad you pinged me! Hmm... all I can think of is that if it starred us FR hobbits it should be called Lord of the Wings...

[Overtaxed]

Hehehe...would that be buffalo or barbecued?

[JenB]

Narya - the wings of fire!

[Overtaxed]

Buffalo then. I'll add extra Tabasco.

[Swordmaker]

If Oliver Stone had directed: The Conspiracy of the Rings.
If Ed Wood had directed: Plan Nine from Mordor: The Return of the Queen.
If Sidney Portier had played Frodo: Guess Who's Coming to Mordor or They Call Me Mr. Frodo.
if George Lucas had directed and produced, The Two Towers would have been released first.

[HairOfTheDog]

if George Lucas had directed and produced, The Two Towers would have been released first

Funny!

[JenB]

Battlefield Middle-Earth, by Elrond Hubbard!

[sourcery]

LOL!

[Overtaxed]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!

[supercat]

52 total hours of word-for-word listening 46 CDs

Blackstone Audio sells recorded books on MP3-CD, playable with RioVolt or similar players. Many books are available on 1 or 2 disks; I think War and Peace is 4. Seems much more practical than Redbook CD.

[Corin Stormhands]

Disney: Homeward Bound and Back Again