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ARE YOU A LOSER? YU WENG PO CAN HELP
Ask Yu Weng Po
Submit your questions to askyu@bobfromaccounting.com
4/22/02 Yu, I've got this friend who is thinking about asking this girl out, but he doesn’t know what to say. Do you have any advice I could give him? Michael Howard, Danbury, CT Michael, Yu getting very tired of giving dating advice to American. This not Yu job. Okay, I give it shot. First step, Michael is admit you lie like dog. You have no friend. It you who want ask girl out! Yu strike again. Second first step is speak up for self. That like saying "My friend has go bathroom" when you about to make dookie pants. Other thing is that girl may be too pretty to go on date with you. This quite common. You say to self "She never go out with me." You probably right. Yu suggest you take out heavy girl. They happy to have company. All you have do is take them to Chinese style buffet and keep hands away from girl mouth. Then when she full and happy and go to bathroom to powder nose, drive away and find pretty geisha whore. * * * * * Dear Yu, Recently at an office party I hooked up with one of my co-workers. Now he’s going around telling everyone and it’s making me very uncomfortable. What’s the best way to deal with this? Brittany Dawson Brittany, What I look like? I not answering any more question about American date. Yu serious. Yu not spend best years of life locked away in monestary to learn Kung Fu to talk to girl about office panty party. Okay, I give it shot. But this last time. This very difficult subject. Office romance usually lead to trouble. It important to not mix business and personal life. Believe me, Yu know! For long time old girlfriend Cho Chee, was also manager. She book me on Chinese infomercial, then steal Yu money and try poison me with deadly puffer fish. She still best manager Yu ever had. I kidding! See, it not work out. Also, this person telling story to try be big man in office. You should go to boss and explain thing. Have them talk to person. This not work so well if boss is man. He use this as good excuse to also show you ding dong. Yu think best advice is stop being dirty, dirty whore. * * * * *
I have a fetish where I can only get off if I’m fooling around with someone dressed in a furry cartoon character costume. It’s starting to effect my day-to-day life. What should I do? Lee Brenner, Best advice for reader is to jump off tall building. I kidding! This only make Yu happy, not reader. If cartoon only way ding dong get aroused, you probably scared of real woman. That not so crazy. It sound like very simple case of misplaced intimacy. Sorry, there no cure for this, but it still very simple. Don't worry, being attracted to cartoon character very common. I kidding! You for sure crazy. * * * * * 4/15/02 Yu, I have this recurring dream about my boss at work. She’s an older woman and she’s married, but I can’t seem to shake it. What does it all mean? Carlos Rigone, Bollingbrook, KY Carlos, I have recurring dream, too. It involve carrot stick, Iron Chef and a talking ding dong named Meep. I not get it either! I not sure what to tell you, but give I it shot anyway. I think dream happen because you nervous and thinking about work. Your subconscious mind make mish mash of day and then play back for you in strange dream about wrinkled old woman touching ding dong. In dreams, does woman powder your bottom like baby? What she look like naked? Also, my cousin make special request you not send dirty bedsheets to Ling Weng Cleaners for laundry. That gross. * * * * * Yu, You ever have of those days when nothing seems to go right? It feels like sometimes everything that can go wrong, does go wrong…and all on the same day. When it happens to me I just want to curl up in a ball and hide. What can I do about this? Richard Rollo, Cherokee NC Richard, My first thought is give you a big hug. Then I see your name and realize your not girl and I go take shower. I kidding! Sometime it seem like whole world out to get you. After last Jade Tiger movie, people follow me around and try set me on fire. They not like movie at all. China have a billion people with no sense of humor! Then Triad take out bounty on me for losing mafia money. That same day, old girlfriend Chee Cho messing with car brake. This sound similar to your horrible life. You must remember things will get better soon. Take deep breath and think calm thoughts. Rolling up in ball not bad idea either. That way people just bat you around and think you are dead. But if angry people have gasoline and match, then run. I serious! * * * * * Dear Yu, Have you ever thought about opening your own private practice? Karen Walters, Harrisburg PA Karen, Yu think about this every day, because it seem American never happy. If it not one thing, it everything else. ‘I have too many girlfriend, what I do?’ or ‘all this money so hard to spend. Why me?’ Americans be happier if they knew how much good they have. I tell you little secret. I only part time therapist until big movie role come along. When that happen, I not care about reader anymore. For now, it very rewarding to help white devil with problem. * * * * * |
Yu Weng Po (aka Jimmy Wang) was the star of a string of obscure martial arts movies in the 1970s including The Jade Tiger (1973), Vengeance of the Jade Tiger (1975) and the comedy that ended his career, Jade Tiger Ha Ha Ha! (1976). Po attended Tai Ping Nursing College in Hong Kong where he received a degree in addiction medicine. He has now turned his ‘fists of steel’ to answering questions from troubled teens and adults.