Frodo Baggins Charged With War Crimes

coldfury.com ^ | July 6, 2002 | Mike of Cold Fury

[galethus]

Frodo Baggins of Bagshot Row, Hobbiton, The Shire, Middle Earth, has been called before the International Criminal Court to answer charges of war crimes brought by Sauron the Dark Lord and Saruman the White in a joint filing. [SNIP] The charges brought by Sauron and Saruman are serious and were commented on at length by the Dark Lord himself at a press conference held after he delivered the formal papers to the Court. As a full signatory to the Court's original charter, Sauron is legally entitled to bring charges before the Court, and the Court's decision will be binding on Mr. Baggins, per the charter establishing the authority of the Court over the entire world, whether the particular defendant lives in a member country or not.

[UnBlinkingEye]

10,9,8,7...

[dennis1x]

6

[sourcery]

The Court has ordered that the creature named Smeagol, AKA "Gollum," has been ordered held as a material witness. Smeagol was listed by the Dark Lord as the primary witness for the prosecution.

[Corin Stormhands]

Pretty funny if you follow the link and read it in full (have you guys seen this?)

[Overtaxed]

Update:

"Quit crying or I'll cut your hand off!"

-Aragorn, Son of Arathorn, Elessar the Elfstone. Isuldur's heir and wielder of Andruil, Narsil Re-forged. The rightful King of Gondor.

[monkeyshine]

This is an outrage. Congress should authorize a raid on the Hague.

[Bear_in_RoseBear]

Not surprised to see the press taking Sauron's side...

Say, can't Aragorn counter-sue for the destruction of Numenor, not to mention millenia of raids and attacks against Gondor and Arnor?

[KayEyeDoubleDee]

All I know is that I can't wait for The Two Towers, easily the best of the trilogy, to come out on the big screen.

[HairOfTheDog]

no, I haven't seen this... will read the whole thing when I get home!

We should have finished off that Sauron guy at the end of the Second Age... I knew he would continue to be trouble...

[irv]

Sauron is legally entitled to bring charges before the Court

The law is the law. In the interests of world peace and justice, it is up to us all to help Sauron overturn the horrible injustice caused by the evil Bagginses. We should thank the press for bringing his noble cause to our attention.

(The following is provided as a public service for the humor impaired: < /sarcasm>)

[Mark17]

This is an outrage. Congress should authorize a raid on the Hague.

The Army is next door, in Germany. I wonder what will happen, when Americans are kidnapped and hauled before this slime bag kangaroo court? The Army maybe?

[g'nad]

Frodo is also being charged with the negligent homicide Smeagol (a.k.a. Gollum)...The ACLU has categorized Smeagol's death as a hate crime, and is seeking the death penalty...

[g'nad]

grrrr....

Frodo is also being charged with the negligent homicide of Smeagol (a.k.a. Gollum)...The ACLU has categorized Smeagol's death as a hate crime, and is seeking the death penalty...

[mykdsmom]

LOTR Bump to you.

MKM

[Tancred]

In a separate lawsuit, Faramir has charged Frodo Baggins with negligent homicide in the death of his brother Boromir.

[Billthedrill]

I think that might be overdoing it a bit - under current international treaties hobbits are an oppressed population and therefore subject to certain immunities from prosecution. Now, receiving stolen property, there's a fair cop. I'm thinking hard time in the Mines of Moria for that.

[habs4ever]

What do you have to say in your defence? ;-)

[Tancred]

The Middle-Earth Environmental Protection Agency has arrested Sam Gamgee for destroying the natural environment of Hobbiton by planting trees from Lothlorien.

[Restorer]

can't Aragorn counter-sue for the destruction of Numenor

Sauron didn't destroy Numenor. That was an act of God. All indications are that it came as quite a shock to the Dark Lord.