Posted on 07/12/2002 6:28:57 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty
Dear America,
Hi I'm John McCain. You probably know me as President George Bush's nemesis. It's true I claim to be a republican, but what's in a name?
But these days I'm tired. Tired of being a nemesis because nobody likes me!
It's true I'm a product of the American establishment, a third generation Annapolis man, educated at a Washington private school, served my country proudly both in Military Service and the Senate.
But all that isn't enough to satisfy me, no I must make President Bush's life miserable because I'm jealous!
Jealous GWB is better looking than me. Jealous that people like GWB better than me. Jealous that GWB is smarter than me. Jealous that he became President and I'm stuck in this boring senate job.
This jealousy drove me to do many things to make life difficult for the president and my party (they don't like me either). From dogging GWB in the campaign until it was apparent I was a loser, to making sure that CFR headache didn't go away, to threatening to run my own third party in 2004.
Now I've become so obnoxious that even Tom Daschle has had enough of me. So what I confirmed Harvey Pitt to the SEC? If I say he needs to go, he must go! Why? Because I'm Luke Skywalker and I must foil GWB!! Dachle is just too stupid to understand, nobody appreciates me!
I worked hard to be an incredible pain or as my good friends in the media like to say, "a thorn in President Bush's side." I guess after my good buddies in the media read this they won't be my friends anymore.
I will be all alone, nobody will love me. My staff even thinks I'm a jerk. Well at least there's Cindy, but sometimes I think she doesn't like me very much either.
No matter what chicanery I try it doesn't stop President Bush and his agenda. The American people are happy he's president, they support him and jeer at me.
So my fellow Americans, I SURRENDER!
I will sit down and shut up. I will pass republican bills with glee. I will spit on democrats as well as sneer at them, especially Hillary.
When my term is over I will go away - never to return. I won't even show up on cable pundit shows to bash President Bush.
I'll hold my breath until I turn blue! Then I'll eat worms and die.
Sincerely,
John McPain...er.. McCain
More on Laura's fashion news in Lloyd Groves' column, complete with a little "dig" (he just couldn't resist).
GET ready for a new, more chic Laura Bush. The First Lady popped into Carolina Herrera's Seventh Avenue showroom yesterday and spent 21/2 hours there. President Dubya's wife has taken a lot of grief in the past for choosing Dallas-based designer Michael Faircloth and First Mom Barbara's favorite, Arnold Scaasi. "Neither look has done well for her," sniffed a hopeful fashionista who witnessed Bush's heavily guarded drop-in at Herrera.
............
Bill Clinton news:
BILL Clinton is crying poverty. The former horndog-in-chief, who charges upward of $250,000 per speech, recently tried to pick up some pricey paintings on the cheap, claiming he was short of cash.
Last week, a Manhattan art collector got a call from a dealer who was interested in buying some paintings by Southern folk artist Mary Whitfield for a "celebrity" client, an insider says. The collector, who assumed the client was noted Whitfield enthusiast Oprah Winfrey, informed the dealer that the price of one painting of particular interest was $6,000.
"My client is a little short of cash and can't pay the full amount," the dealer responded after relaying the information. "Will you take $5,500?"
When the collector expressed surprise that Winfrey didn't have the money, the dealer informed him it was in fact Clinton.
"He just laughed and turned him down," says a friend of the collector. "Skimping him on $500? What's that about?" Clinton's office did not return calls.
THINGS may be hotting up again in Bill Clinton's reported search for a hideaway home in Ireland. Earlier this year we had the squire of Chappaqua on the brink of buying a house on a fine Irish fishing lake, but then it all went quiet. Now I'm told that beloved former Irish Prime Minister (and close friend of Bill) Bertie Ahern is in negotiations to buy a $3 million island in Kenmare Bay on the lovely Ring of Kerry.
Bertie has his own place, so the locals are convinced he's fronting for Clinton or his other crony, Pierce Brosnan. James O'Shea, who owns the West Street Grill in Litchfield, Conn., was just in Kenmare throwing a birthday party for his 80-year-old mum and reports that the neighbors can't decide whether they'd rather have the Old Horndog or Agent 007 move onto their lush turf.
Oprah, strolling the streets of her newest hometown, Montecito, California (near Santa Barbara). With her famous puss scrubbed free of makeup and her hair bone straight, the Big O walked and shopped as her chauffeured wheels (a gray Rolls-Royce) followed some 20 feet behind. How positively regal. E!Online
More like a pain in the ass -- can I say that? Good morning, all!
Could Sean Penn please get over himself?
Sean Penn and wife Robin Wright Penn posed for our photographer at a party at Man Ray on Wednesday, but brushed off photographers outside.
The prickly performer wouldn't stop for photographers outside Man Ray on Wednesday night, even though co-owner Penn had invited them there for the first anniversary of the W. 15th St. restaurant. Lensmen shouted and booed as Penn pushed his way into the lounge — despite wife Robin Wright Penn's attempts to stop him for a quick pose.
Inside, the deeper-than-thou thespian was nicer to The News' Richard Corkery and to mates Mike Myers, Jack Nicholson, Gina Gershon, Kevin Bacon, Adam Sandler, Ed Norton and Ben Stiller.
Later, when Penn later tried to slip out unnoticed, the photographers were ready for him, chasing him down 15th St. as he ran off into the night.
The Compost's Fashion Editor
Good morning Guilders, LOL.
What Passion
42 year old McCain was making bold career moves on the home front, hotly pursuing a 25-year-old blond from a wealthy Arizona family -- while married. Carol, his wife at the time, had once been quite a babe herself apparently, until a near-fatal car accident (while her husband was in Vietnam) left her 4 inches shorter, overweight and on crutches. The couple had three children, whom Carol cared for alone while her husband was in Vietnamese prisons.
McCain's strategy worked perfectly: After chasing Cindy Hensley around the country for six months, he closed the deal late in the year, had a divorce by February and was married to Hensley shortly thereafter. Bingo! McCain was a candidate for Congress by early 1982, his coffers full, his home in the proper Arizona district purchased.
mccain is truly worthy of our loathing. He's as dirty as they come.
Umm, let's see
or 
My newest dartboard:
WEASEL!
Oh Robin you little troll, give it up! Trying to turn a construction-worker's slip of the tougue into a dig at Laura. sheesh.
Btw Robin, a C130 could land on that forehead of yours and still have enough room to make a three point turn!
We didn't get quite that far out when we were there, but I really can't imagine the big limos this guy needs doing well on those little Irish roads. Though he'd probably finagle somebody's helicopter out of them. What a cheapskate. With all the money he has he can't pay full price for a painting.
Hope the island's for Pierce instead. I know Jeremy Irons has a house not far from that area too, down in Cork.
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