QUICK QUIZ

Country Yossi Family Magazine ^ | September 2002 | N/A

[Jeremiah Jr]

QUICK QUIZ

To ensure that we Americans never offend anyone, airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of everyone: 80-year old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the Presidents security detail, 85-year old congressmen with metal hips and Medal of Honor-winning former governors. But they will not single out any one group of individuals for searches.
Let's pause a moment and take the following quiz:

In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, Israeli athletes were kidnapped and massacred by:

a. Aging nuns
b. The Miami Boys Choir
c. A near-sighted sofer
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1979 the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:

a. Eichler's
b. Al Gore
c. Bubbies Against Lashon Hara
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:

a. Kayla Kuchleffel
b. The Queen of England
c. Camp Dina's head counselors
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1983 the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut were blown up by:

a. An Amnon's busboy
b. Dov Hikind
c. The Jewish Press editorial staff
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70-year old American passenger was murdered in his wheelchair and thrown overboard by:

a. An overzealous shadchan
b. Rachel Schmidt, RCSW
c. A Lakewood kollel guy and his rich father-in-law
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1985 TWA Flight 847 was hijacked at Athens and a U.S. Navy diver was murdered (and his body tossed to the tarmac) by:

a. Morah Devorah's playgroup
b. A frustrated Amway salesman
c. Janet Reno
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1988 Pan Am Flight 103 was blown up in flight via a bomb planted by:

a. My cleaning lady
b. Touro's Math class (summer semester, girls' division)
c. An unpopular sheitel macher
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed by:

a. A third-grade rebbe
b. B.P. Shomrim
c. The Bezalel Yeshiva PTA
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1996 nineteen American servicemen died when Khobar Towers was bombed by:

a. Secret Service agents
b. Mishmar kids
c. A group of Chinese cleaners owners
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

In 1998 the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:

a. Al Sharpton's mother
b. Hillary, to distract attention from Bills other problems
c. The winner of last issue's Crossword Puzzle Raffle
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

On October 12, 2000, seventeen sailors died when the USS Cole was bombed by:

a. The driver of the Monsey bus
b. Two manicurists and a pedicurist (all from Avenue M)
c. An overweight Chassidish plumber
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

On September 11, 2001, four U.S. airliner were hijacked and thousands of people were murdered by:

a. Kivi and Tuki
b. The Supreme Court
c. Donna Hanover
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:

a. Enron
b. Thirteenth Avenue
c. The Catholic Church
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:

a. A Rose Castle schnorrer
b. The Los Angeles Vasikin Minyan
c. Telemarketers
d. Muslim males (mostly) between the ages of 17 and 40

As this test has shown, there are absolutely no patterns anywhere to justify racial profiling. My confidence in our system is now totally restored and I shall endure the persecutions (oops, I mean "random searches") gladly. After all, I must be safer now: The Feds say so.

[Jeremiah Jr]

I wish this was funny...