Posted on 02/11/2003 6:34:05 PM PST by substandard042
After planting trees so the Germans could march in the shade, France boo-boos again
February 10, 2003
In the fine European tradition of trashing my brothers across the Atlantic, I write my column today in the proper form of idiocy I’ve learned from the French.
In its own hystorical, envirohippie-eurosissy way, France is trying to do something that only it seems capable of mustering the lethargy to do time and time again- act not, survive not. Implying not that lovely socialist France is the only country to ever screw up in the history of world politics (though close to it), but rather remembering that a bulk of the biggest blunders belong to boastfully babying France in the twentieth century.
Like pilgrims at Thanksgiving, Foo-foo-French president Jacques Ch-Iraq and his stagnant but large coalition of two intra-NATO allies are trying to block NATO from defending Turkey against a possible attack by Iraq. In an apparent attempt to save the uniquely American holiday, the pilgrims want to ensure that Turkey is fried or baked, depending on how Saddam prefers it.
In addition, the three crazy men playing rub-a-dub-dub have invited a guy named Vladimir into the tub, and are conspiring to stop a possible US-led bar fight with Iraqi Resident Overlord, Saddam, who’s sane.
Working through a combination of coddling Hussein, emasculating the United Nations, and disarming the American regime, the four countries- Russia, France, Belgium and Germany- have but a single interest in common that one can imagine: Their leaders may all hold billions of shares in Johnson & Johnson (NYSE: JNJ).
One might speculate that they are holding out to allow Johnson & Johnson time to produce the world’s largest BAND-AID®. Counting on the humanitarianism of the US to purchase the bandage and place it over the world’s largest wound, the now clean leaders will be using billion-Euro-bills as toilet paper when Hussein finally gets the world on its hands and knees and says, “Did you feel that? That was my weapon of mass destruction.”
Other than that preposterousness, the four appear not to have many interests in common when it comes to what they will be doing in the few years we all have left on the planet. France has plans to debate whether socialism is good or good, while continuing to sip latté and eat croissants. Belgium has probably decided to trot over to Amsterdam with some of its chocolate for use in chocolapot-brownies. Russia and Germany plan to drink vodka and beer, out of bottles and steins, respectively.
Sammy Larbi
www.constitutionallychallenged.com
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