PLEASE, NOT MCPHEE
May 15, 2006 -- I'M convinced that Katharine McPhee is actually a pod person. It's like the real girl was stolen by "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and replaced with a perfect replication of a perfect human - white teeth, good hair, terrific voice box - everything, in short, but a soul.
She's Michael Bublé with a big hairdo.
The only reason I haven't sought professional help with my out-of-control addiction to "American Idol" is because of McPhee.
I dislike her so much that I'm riveted by her rise to the top. And even though all my favorite females have been given the boot, I'm still watching - because of her.
Watching McPhee week after week is like not being able to get a hated song out of your head. If I stopped Jonesing for the show, I might miss it when (if!) Pod Girl finally gets kicked to the curb.
Ever watch her face when she doesn't know the camera is on? She has this whole Damien the Omen thing going on - scowling and ticked-off. But the second she realizes a camera is anywhere near her, she lights up so beatifically, she'd make dearly departed Mother Teresa look like a cheap scam artist.
So is she real or is she Memorex, or maybe just a Scientologist?
The Internet is full of Katharine-is-a-Scientologist stories and "Star" Magazine even reported that McPhee completed the Scientology "Purification Rundown" course in which one reaches a new level of spirituality by swilling cooking-oil, popping niacin and sweating your butt off in a sauna.
It's supposed to help you clear "the biochemical barrier to spiritual gain." Even if it doesn't clear your biochemical barriers, for sure downing all that cooking oil will clear your biochemical bowels. Hey -I'm all for enlightenment - especially if you can lose a few pounds.
McPhee must have passed with flying colors because if ever anyone was one with the aliens - she's it.
I mean, what real human sings "Someone To Watch Over Me" with a big smile? Just thinking about the song should make you cry. McPhee? McSinger is more like it.
And those "sessions" with Stevie Wonder and Andrea Bocelli? The blind leading the bland.
But it wasn't until the infamous Elvis night that the whole unreality became real for me. It was impossible to guess who in the whole bizarre Graceland segment was real and who was an alien. First off, there was the late Priscilla Presley, a Scientologist, who looked like she'd been created in a lab by her former son-in-law Wacko Jacko's plastic surgeon. Then there was Tommy Mottola and his unreasonable, nutty praise of McPhee. Finally though, there was McPhee's own scary medley of Elvis songs - it should have been on the SciFi Channel. All in all, it was a fright night to forget. Unfortunately, I can't. And I can't wait until tomorrow night, either.
Can't blame them for that.
The writer got this right! (Though I think Kat's "scowl" is really more of a worried frown than a hateful frown -- shown mostly when she thinks she's about to get booted off.) Calling her "Pod Girl" is a bit harsh, though. I think she is basically a fairly nice, very beautiful, somewhat talented girl who has been "shaped" from birth by her wannabe-singer mother and her pushy stage dad. She's probably been told, "Smile! Smile!" every time she stepped on stage since she was two. After watching her for so long, I have come to like her, but I feel sorry for her that she does not seem to be able to access true emotion in her singing. I wonder if she'll ever get past the micromanaging that her parents have apparently done on her in order to reach her real self.